I won’t be able to watch it live, so here are my predictions for tonight’s debate:
Chastened by the poor reviews of his behavior in last week’s debate, Tom Reilly wears a cardigan sweater, and ignores the first question in order to praise Gabrieli for his “positive, substantive campaign”: “I’m very pleased with you, Chris,” he says. Showing the kindess, humility and wry wit that makes him the toast of Palfrey Street in Watertown, Reilly brings the house down with a joke: “So these three lawyers walk into a bar …” Later all three candidates adjourn to his Watertown double-decker for iced tea and Parcheesi.
For his part, Gabrieli attacks Patrick and Reilly for their position on illegal immigration, donning Minutemen-style camoflage fatigues and brandishing a rifle at the podium: “Massachusetts for Massholes! Out of the mainstream, motherf@#$@s!” he shrieks, firing a “warning shot”, thereby clearing the room.
“I’m very disappointed in you, Chris,” replies Patrick from under a table.
Jon Keller asks Patrick to confirm or deny that he is, in fact, African-American. Patrick answers that he considers himself a “Hope-American.” Reilly promises in-state tuition to “Hope-Americans”, prompting another warning shot from Gabrieli. “I’m very disappointed in you,” says Keller.
Keller demands that Gabrieli step down from a hidden step-stool; Gabrieli revealed to be, in fact, a modest 5′ 7″.
Seeming to have the nomination sewn up by his closing statement, Patrick breaks down in tears: “You like me … you really like me …” Orchestra interrupts him before he thanks his campaign manager and his family for all he’s put them through.
Ugh, that’s all I got, folks. Try the steak.