The President: Golly, another hard-hitting column by Jeff Jacoby in the Globe. No wonder my approval rating is slipping. What can we do?
Rahm Emanuel: $#%$$%@%^^&%$^%#%$%$#.
The President: Okay, okay, but we can’t let Jacoby’s attacks go unresponded. Here’s the deal. We’ll send an emissary to directly negotiate with those pesky people. How about Bill Richardson? He knows that scene pretty well.
Secretary of Defense Gates. Sorry, Mr. President, but Governor Richardson is judging the ristra braiding contest in Santa Fe this week, and you know how seriously he takes those duties.
The President: Well, we’ve got to find someone. I know. How about Bill Clinton?
Everyone in the room: Bill Clinton!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The President: Keep it down, guys, Hillary will hear you all the way over at the State Department. Actually Clinton is the perfect emissary. He knows everything about everything. He’s been itching to get back in harness. And he looks cool sitting in those funny-looking chairs that the North Koreans make everyone pose for pictures in.
Secretary Gates: But Mr. President, the North Korea is an enigma; it’s dangerous.
The President: You think I don’t realize that? After all, I was probably born there! Joe, what do you think?
Vice President Biden: Jesus Christ, Mr. President. I think your idea is pure genius! Besides, Jacoby has us over a barrel. If we don’t take action, Peter Canellos, the Globe’s new editorial page editor, will write a hard-hitting editorial and then we’ll really be in the soup.
The President: You’re right, Joe. Get President Clinton in from the golf course and let’s get moving.
And, as if to underscore its clout and that of its ace columnist, both the New York Times and the Washington Post put the Clinton story on page one today; the Globe: page three..