A true story that makes the joke revue because it is so hilarious: Fox lashes out at moms and their children with faux outrage by “experts” at J.Crew ad that shows mom painting her son’s toenails pink for fun:
Media Research Center’s Erin Brown agreed, calling the ad “blatant propaganda celebrating transgendered children.”
Meanwhile BuzzFeed grabbed a priceless screen shot with the caption “Fox News Finally Gets Something Right:”
Exporting Democracy Has Led to Shortages of it in U.S., Experts Say: Wisconsin, Florida Hardest Hit
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – The U.S. policy of exporting democracy abroad has meant that there is very little of it left at home.
That is the grim assessment of a new study commissioned by the University of Minnesota, which predicts that if the U.S. continues to export democracy at its current pace it may completely run out of it at home by the year 2015.
Obama Orders Guantánamo Prisoners Transferred To Next President
WASHINGTON-After two years of false starts and protracted legal wrangling, President Barack Obama signed an executive order Tuesday authorizing the transfer of all 172 Guantánamo detainees to the next chief executive of the United States of America. “The president’s bold decision to move these enemy combatants to the subsequent administration should finally quiet critics who have accused him of inaction and impotence concerning this issue,” White House press secretary Jay Carney said.
Stephen Colbert’s Top 10 Non-Factual Statements About Jon Kyl
After Kyl lied that “well over 90%” of Planned Parenthood’s activity is devoted to abortion in a speech on the Senate floor – and then entertainingly said this was “not intended to be a factual statement” – Colbert developed this list at Twitter hashtag #NotIntendedToBeAFactualStatement. Collected by Daniel Kurtzman. My personal favorite is #9.
1. Jon Kyl holds the Guinness World Record for “Largest Collection of Penis Enlargers.”
2. In 2009, Jon Kyl lost $380,000 wagering on dwarf tossing.
3. Jon Kyl calls the underside of his Senate seat: “The Booger Graveyard.”
4. Jon Kyl has the world’s most extensive catalogue of snuff films.
5. Jon Kyl can unhinge his jaw like a python to swallow small rodents whole.
6. Jon Kyl calls all Asians “Neil” no matter what their name is.
7. Jon Kyl let a game-winning ground ball roll through his legs in Game 6 of the ’86 World Series.
8. Jon Kyl developed his own line of hair care products just so he could test them on bunnies.
9. Once a year, Jon Kyl retreats to the Arizona Desert and deposits 2 million egg sacs under the sand.
10. Jon Kyl is one of Gaddafi’s sexy female ninja guards.
“The only real difference between Glenn Beck and Paul Revere is that when Paul Revere told you the British were coming, they were, in fact, coming.” -Jon Stewart
“Republicans are obsessed with abortion. If they really wanted to protect the weakest, most helpless people, wouldn’t they protect the Democrats?” -Bill Maher
“Officials at BP have filed for permits to drill for oil again in the Gulf of Mexico. They say the oil is easier to find than ever because it’s mostly on top of the water.” -Conan O’Brien
“Glenn Beck retired or got fired…and a lot of people are asking who will now speak for the raving lunatics who startle you outside of a parking garage?” -Bill Maher