Weekly Joke Revue: GOP debate candidates wrestle squealing pig to ground, and slaughter it

Onion: “Latest GOP Debate Concludes With Candidates Wrestling Squealing Pig To Ground And Slaughtering It. Bank executives place bets on which Occupy Wall Street protester will be arrested next.”

John Stewart thanks God for Rick Perry:

Daniel Kurtzman:

“As you know by now, a fourth woman has come forward and accused Herman Cain of sexual harassment. This woman gave the details, pretty graphic. She said that Herman Cain tried to put his hand up her. So now when Cain says he is reaching out to the American people, you know what he’s reaching for.” –Jay Leno

“Earlier today Herman Cain rejected calls that he should withdraw from the race. He said, ‘It ain’t gonna happen!’ That’s what he said. Ironically, that’s what women say to him when he’d put his hand up their skirt.” –Jay Leno

“There’s another Republican presidential debate tonight. This one is focused on why there were so many Republican presidential debates.” –Jimmy Kimmel

‎”The harassment allegations keep coming at Herman Cain — like an uninvited hand up a pleated skirt.” –Stephen Colbert

“According to a new poll, 42 percent of Americans say they are uncomfortable with the idea of having a Mormon president. When asked why, the people said, ‘We’re still getting used to having a Muslim president.’” –Conan O’Brien

‎”If NPR is talk radio’s equal and opposite, that must mean that their shows urge listeners to get a rope and go Republican huntin’.” –Jon Stewart

“Herman Cain is also taking some flack for saying that China was developing nuclear weapons, but they’ve had them since the 60′s. I don’t think he’s that well versed on foreign affairs. Today a reporter asked him how he would handle Greece and he said he would put an extra layer of wax paper under the pizza before you put it in the box.” –Jay Leno

“Big announcement from Herman Cain today. He’s leaving the Tea Party and joining the T&A party.” –Jay Leno

“There are fourteen more Republican debates and they are running out of formats…next they are going to do one where they are in sleeping bags around the campfire and then one where they are blindfolded and nude and have to figure out who each other is by touching.” –Bill Maher

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Fri 28 Apr 9:31 PM