Blue Mass Group

Reality-based commentary on politics.

  • Shop
  • Subscribe to BMG
  • Contact
  • Log In
  • Front Page
  • All Posts
  • About
  • Rules
  • Events
  • Register on BMG
  • April 25, 2018

Weekly Joke Revue: Handlers Remind Gingrich to Stay on Uninspiring, Belittling Message

February 25, 2012 By Bob Neer 4 Comments

Onion:

Handlers Constantly Reminding Gingrich To Stay On Uninspiring, Belittling Message

PHOENIX—As Newt Gingrich continues to cede ground to Rick Santorum, the former House speaker’s campaign team has responded by advising him to stay focused on the belligerent, mean-spirited message that has long been the hallmark of his presidential run, sources confirmed Monday. “Newt’s rhetoric can become abstract and idiosyncratic at times, and we have to gently remind him that he just needs to be himself, to be the Newt people are familiar with—the Newt devoid of any discernible scruple beyond his own insatiable instinct for self-promotion,” campaign director Michael Krull said Friday, explaining that whatever lies at Gingrich’s cold, depraved core is what will make or break him with voters. “Every time he veers off course and talks passionately about about outer space or how the United States has to stop spending beyond its means, I tell him, ‘Look, your greatest asset is being a remorseless asshole. Now get out there, fuck everyone over using every means at your disposal and let’s win this thing.'” Several handlers told reporters they live in fear of a gaffe in which Gingrich displays some vague semblance of humanity and completely loses his identity among voters.

Borowitz:

Santorum Makes Campaign Swing Through Seventeenth Century: Blasts Contraception, Electricity, Soap

THE SEVENTEENTH CENTURY (The Borowitz Report) –  … The former Pennsylvania Senator served up red meat to his seventeenth-century supporters, telling them, “Since we all agree that contraception is a bad idea, it’s time to take a harder look at electricity and soap.”

Mr. Santorum, who said that in his first day in office he would repeal the Age of Enlightenment, stressed that he had home-schooled all seven of his children: “That means there are at least eight people in this country who don’t understand evolution.”

In a lighter moment, Sen. Santorum told his audience what he said was his favorite joke: “A Kenyan, a Muslim and a socialist walk into a bar. And then he makes everyone get an abortion.”

Elsewhere on the campaign trail, former House Speaker Newt Gingrich scored points with this comment on education: “We should leave no child behind, only wives.”

Daniel Kurtzman:

“It’s National Pancake Week. Of course Mitt Romney was in a debate tonight, so it’s also National Waffle Week.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Girl Scouts sell cookies. They don’t promote homosexuality. They promote obesity.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“This guy is really conservative. In fact, Rick Santorum is so conservative he won’t even go down on an escalator.” –Jay Leno

“Santorum says that if he’s elected, he’s going to leave the interns alone and just screw the American people directly.” –Jay Leno

“Here in New York City we celebrate Presidents Day by allowing people to park on both sides of the street.” –David Letterman

“He is so conservative he thinks male bankers should only screw over female customers. That’s how bad.” –Jay Leno

0
0

Filed Under: User

Leave a Reply

4 Comments on "Weekly Joke Revue: Handlers Remind Gingrich to Stay on Uninspiring, Belittling Message"

You must be logged in to post a comment.

You must be logged in to post a comment.

newest oldest most voted
JHM
Member
JHM
Share On TwitterShare On Google

I’d like an expert opinion about the following:

Kravitz, Neer, Blandy and friends (the reactionary left of Mass. Democrats, a.k.a. Blue Mass Group)

That’s swiped from the southwest, the box labelled ” ‘Blogs’ of interest .”

Kinda interesting–maybe even ‘reactionary’–that in 2012 anybody would still want to shudder-quote the ‘B’ word . . . .

Happy days.

00
6 years ago
sabutai
Member
sabutai
Share On TwitterShare On Google

This person doesn’t understand what the word “reactionary” means. It doesn’t mean “more extreme than I’d like”. Not only is this inaccurate, the word doesn’t mean what the author thinks it means.

00
6 years ago
Mark L. Bail
Member
Mark L. Bail
Share On TwitterShare On Google

decipherable, but always full of good cheer.

00
6 years ago
Mark L. Bail
Member
Mark L. Bail
Share On TwitterShare On Google

sure looks a lot like the work of Massachusetts Team Republican, or in other words, Eric Fehrnstrom. Maybe Romney’s people actually have another candidate in mind?

Let’s hope they keep the good work for Scott Brown.

00
6 years ago
wpdiscuz   wpDiscuz

Election Day Countdown

Election Day 2018Countdown

Donate to BMG’s slate for US Congress

BMG’s MA Democratic primary directory
MA primary day is September 4, 2018

Recommended Posts

  • White spaces persist in Boston (3)
  • Bad legislation from the Bad Markey (2)
  • What's the Downside of Demanding Wage Transparency? (2)
  • Advocating for her daughter’s care got a woman banned from DDS-funded group home; and her daughter got an eviction notice (1)
  • Boston Strong on Patriots Day (1)

Recent User Posts

Does Kevin Cullen Have a Nephew “Timmy” Who Died of Injuries Sustained In Iraq War? He Said He Does. Am I a Dick For Asking?

April 24, 2018 By eb3-fka-ernie-boch-iii Leave a Comment

Advocating for her daughter’s care got a woman banned from DDS-funded group home; and her daughter got an eviction notice

April 24, 2018 By dave-from-hvad Leave a Comment

Bad legislation from the Bad Markey

April 23, 2018 By uncaffeine Leave a Comment

RIP State Representative Jim Miceli

April 21, 2018 By Christopher Leave a Comment

What’s the Downside of Demanding Wage Transparency?

April 20, 2018 By johntmay 6 Comments

RIP First Lady Barbara Bush

April 17, 2018 By Christopher Leave a Comment

Recent Comments

  • Christopher on Quick hitsI always got the sense her old House district was what w…
  • marcus-graly on Quick hitsThe old 18th Essex was pretty red too. L'Italien never g…
  • petr on White spaces persist in BostonI’d like to think the homo sapiens species is a lot more…
  • SomervilleTom on White spaces persist in BostonOh, and by the way, before considering "who should get t…
  • SomervilleTom on White spaces persist in BostonThis thread is about white spaces in Boston and systemic…
  • SomervilleTom on White spaces persist in BostonIndeed, I forgot to mention the "IOKIYAR" (It's OK If Yo…
  • Christopher on White spaces persist in BostonOK, stipulated that some people still have a problem wit…

Archive

From our sponsors




Google Calendar

Latest Tweets

  • RT @RevEverett: "Using white privilege for the greater good was on display in that Philadelphia Starbucks. Melissa DePino filmed an… https://t.co/qHAmYEquGs

    30 mins ago
  • “By God, he’ll give our movement of child-poisoning, plutocracy, and planetary devastation a bad name!” https://t.co/1rT5vvl46q

    32 mins ago
  • RT @mary07mac: .@SpeakerDeLeo it is time to vote for 3% RPS! Please@get@it out of Committee! @MothersOutFront @LarryChretien… https://t.co/KcW3eLRENE

    44 mins ago






Search

Archives

  • Facebook
  • RSS
  • Twitter
Advertisement
Advertisement

Copyright © 2018 Owned and operated by BMG Media Empire LLC. Read the terms of use. Some rights reserved.