The following bit from the New Yorker is titled “A Conservative History of the United States” I have corrected the title in order to reflect the fact that most of the outlandishness that follows came from Republicans who are not actually conservative.
It is grossly unfair, but very funny. I knew you all would enjoy:
1500s: The American Revolutionary War begins: “The reason we fought the revolution in the sixteenth century was to get away from that kind of onerous crown.”—Rick Perry
1607: First welfare state collapses: “Jamestown colony, when it was first founded as a socialist venture, dang near failed with everybody dead and dying in the snow.”—Dick Armey
1619-1808: Africans set sail for America in search of freedom: “Other than Native Americans, who were here, all of us have the same story.”—Michele Bachmann
More of this wonderful history at the New Yorker.