Blue Mass Group

Harvard Crimson staff editorial:

Don’t Throw It, Mr. Romney: The former Governor should actually try to win.

[A]lthough Romney’s political suicide is, at this point, a matter of doubt only among the delusional, it may be worth running through a few instances to outline just how egregious is his delivery.

For starters, he spent a solid two minutes insulting poor, elderly, and disabled people, suggesting that they do not have “personal responsibility and care for their lives.” He made these comments at a fundraiser hosted by a hedge-fund manager. Unsatisfied by merely offending the disadvantaged, he openly stated that he would not make any attempt to seek their votes. While he claimed not to know that he was being filmed, his monologue sounded too much like it was written by Democratic strategists—or at least someone hell-bent on making sure Romney never gets elected. One is forced to speculate that it was deliberate.

As if the heartless plutocrat routine wasn’t sufficient to cost him the election, Romney also publically disavowed any attempt to seek a resolution in the Mideast conflict, opting instead to “kick the ball down the field.” And Monday, in effort to come across as unintelligent (despite evidence to the contrary), he stated that he “do[esn’t] know why [airplane windows] don’t [open].”

Completing the circle. NYT:

Iranian News Agency Plagiarizes The Onion

Apparently unaware of the unwritten rules of both ethical journalism and satire, an Iranian news agency published an edited copy of a report from The Onion on Friday, without crediting the original or acknowledging that it was fiction.

The Fars News Agency, which is close to Iran’s powerful Republican Guard Corps, posted its version of the report on its English-language Web site under the same headline used by The Onion for the original four days earlier: “Gallup Poll: Rural Whites Prefer Ahmadinejad To Obama.”

Borowitz:

POLL: ROMNEY AHEAD IN PRESIDENTIAL RACE, SAY REPLACEMENT REFS

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—G.O.P. Presidential nominee Mitt Romney finally got some good news today as he found himself ahead of President Obama in a poll of N.F.L. replacement referees.

The survey, which immediately lifted the spirits of the Romney campaign, was taken among replacement refs on the field during N.F.L. games that they were supposed to be officiating last Sunday and Monday…

ROMNEY IN FINAL PUSH TO ALIENATE REMAINING VOTERS

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—With just forty-three days to go until the election, Mitt Romney is in a race against time to offend the few voters he has not already alienated, his campaign manager said today.

“So far, Mitt’s efforts to make voters dislike him have gone exactly as planned,” said the campaign manager Matt Rhoades. “But let’s not kid ourselves—we’ve still got a few supporters out there and we’ve got to find ways to piss them off.”