Rep. Winslow’s signature campaign gets off to a bad start:
GOP Chairman [sic.] Kristen Hughes led a group of 50 chanting Massachusetts Republicans in a march to Boston’s Museum of Science on the first day after her election as party head to demand that the state strip the institution of its tax-exempt status and re-register as a PAC.
“This institution is a slap in the face to Republicans across the Commonwealth,” Hughes shouted into a megaphone. “Science, education, reason and progress: everything we oppose. They even have an exhibition at the moment headlined by Big Bird, who Mitt Romney identified as a symbol of all that is wrong with America under President Obama.”
Hughes said her priorities for the upcoming legislative session were measures to remove traffic lights from across the Commonweath as “yet another example of the nanny state run amok,” and a plan to require that commodities such as a bushels of corn or pecks of apples be accepted as legal tender. “What we need is to return to a traditional way of doing things,” said the Chairman [sic.], who promised she would “work tirelessly to abolish woman’s suffrage” as soon as her primary program was enacted.
Obama Urged to Resign Over Beyonce Scandal
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – A rising chorus of congressional Republicans are calling on President Obama to acknowledge that the pop singer Beyoncé lip-synched during his inaugural festivities and resign from office, effective immediately.
“By lip-synching the national anthem, Beyoncé has cast a dark cloud over the President’s second term,” said Sen. Rand Paul (R-Kentucky). “The only way President Obama can remove that cloud is by resigning from office at once.”
While many in the media have blamed Beyoncé for the lip-synching controversy, Mr. Paul said, “We must remember that this happened on President Obama’s watch.”
Mr. Paul said that the White House’s refusal to comment on the Beyoncé crisis “only serves the argument that this President has something to hide.”
“If Beyoncé lip-synched the national anthem, how do we know President Obama didn’t lip-sync his oath of office?” he said. “If that’s the case, he’s not legally President. But just to be on the safe side, he should resign anyway.”
Mr. Paul also blasted Secretary of State Hillary Clinton for her testimony on Benghazi before the Senate: “Her tactic of answering each and every question we asked her didn’t fool anyone.”