Joke Revue: Children’s Letters to Megyn Kelly

Borowitz:

CHILDREN’S LETTERS TO MEGYN KELLY

Dear Megyn Kelly,

For Christmas, could I please have a black Power Ranger? Thank you.

Sincerely,

Bobby, age six

***

Dear Bobby,

Unfortunately, we do not have any Power Rangers in stock in the color you requested. Colors available include: white.

Merry Christmas,

Megyn Kelly

P.S.: Bobby, because you’re only six, you probably don’t know this, but when you use the words “black” and “power” together, they become swear words. Never say that again. …

***

Dear Megyn Kelly,

What color is the President?

Sincerely,

Cody, age five

***

Dear Cody,

Historians are in agreement that a real President is always white. He just is. Now, some people like to make believe that President Obama is a real President, and they get really upset when they learn the truth. Here’s what Megyn Kelly thinks: if you believe in your heart that President Obama is President, he still isn’t.

Merry Christmas,

Megyn Kelly

Onion:

Tea Party Congressman Listens To Constituent Who Wears Thomas Jefferson Costume Everywhere

WINNSBORO, SC—At a town hall meeting Monday sponsored by Tea Party affiliate FreedomWorks, sources confirmed that Rep. Mick Mulvaney (R-SC) seriously listened and responded to several points raised by a constituent wearing a Thomas Jefferson costume complete with brass-buttoned waistcoat, velveteen breeches, and tricorn hat. “You make a great point, sir, and I am here to fight for people like you,” the congressman said to the man in a powdered wig who was carrying a giant Declaration of Independence poster board and who wears his Thomas Jefferson costume not just to political meetings, but every time he leaves his home. “When I get out of the D.C. bubble and come back to South Carolina and talk to voters, that’s when I remember the folks like yourself who sent me to Washington.” Following the meeting, Mulvaney spoke for 45 minutes with a local business owner and his wife, both of whom said the government shutdown was a good thing, and both of whom were dressed as Paul Revere.

Daniel Kurtzman:

“More snow storms all across the country. Man, New England is whiter than Santa Claus on Megyn Kelly’s front lawn.” –Jay Leno

“Is Santa Claus an American? Well he is fat and wears a velvet track suit.” –Stephen Colbert

“Yesterday Fox News anchor Megyn Kelly told viewers that Santa Claus is white. Then she said Santa’s elves are Mexican and they are stealing jobs from American elves.” –Conan O’Brien



Discuss

One Comment . Leave a comment below.
  1. Hecho en Mexico

    The Hershey’s Pot of Gold I just got was manufactured in Mexico.

    For Thanksgiving, though, I had a bar of chocolate made in JP sold in City Feed.

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