Chris Christie studies Boston traffic

So, my hypothetical friends. Let’s say Chris Christie is elected President of the United States. Given the Christie administration’s love of traffic studies in blue neighborhoods, what might those inquisitive folks like to study if Massachusetts is stubbornly blue?

Where would he put the traffic cones in and around Boston to create the most interesting study results? Can you conduct a resounding study with the fewest number of traffic cones? Where would you strategically place the cones of study?

My nomination for the most interesting Chris Christie traffic study: Force all westbound Mass Pike traffic onto the U-Turn ramp at the Allston-Brighton tolls and back into downtown Boston.

Can you have even more fun with fewer traffic cones?


14 Comments . Leave a comment below.
  1. Good one

    Your proposal’s tough to top. I’m thinking of the SE Expressway from 3:30 to 6 PM, but the hitch is that a lot of Republican leaners from the South Shore will be caught up in that. Ditto exits to Gillette Stadium.

    Perhaps rerouting all the traffic from the Forest Hills overpass down onto the surface streets? Oh wait, we’re already going to do that all by ourselves.

    • Oh, I fogot...

      …the evening commute anywhere east of Worcester when there is a Monday or Thursday night Patriots game in Foxborough, though it would be hard to make that situation any worse! What a wonderful context for a fascinating traffic study!

  2. Just close all but one toll lane at the Westin tolls

    Any morning or any evening – no one would ever get anywhere!

  3. Federalism

    Under our federal system the states are in charge of placing traffic cones. We do a fine job of screwing things up without federal assistance.

    President Christie could however order air strikes, so blue cities better watch out!

    January 2017. President Christie to U.S. Strategic Command: "That's right, you heard me. Ft. Lee. Now. With everything we've got."

    — billmon (@billmon1) January 8, 2014

    • Federalism still offers opportunities

      Just get an EPA truck with flashing yellow lights and sufficient traffic cones, declare that the rare spotted pithed frog has appeared at a strategic location, and you can engineer a dramatic closure.

  4. Close the Callahan Tunnel and Longfellow Bridge simultaneously

    Oh wait, our Democratic leadership is already doing that. :)

  5. 495 through the Merrimack Valley

    Take THAT Route 110!

  6. He could close an entire state...

    Candid Camera did just that in 1960, when they closed Delaware.

    • Yeah, but closing Delaware is relatively easy.

      Close I-95 across the top, which is just a few miles.
      Close the rest of the peninsula by closing US 50 across the Chesepeake and the Chesepeake Bay Bridge tunnel in VA.

      DE is smart though in a way. It tolls both I-95 and the Delaware Memorial Bridge, conveniently traveled largely by out-of-staters who can’t vote for the legislature. DE like NH has neither income nor sales tax and its corporate structure is favorable to attracting them, including the Bank of “New York”.

  7. Hmm.

    It’s all about timing. What about closing exit 8 on the Mass Pike the night before move-in day at UMass-Amherst?

    sabutai   @   Thu 9 Jan 7:43 PM
  8. Or put out some

    Aqua Teen LED things.

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