Borowitz:
House Majority Whip Calls for Clearer Labelling of White Supremacists
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — House Majority Whip Steve Scalise (R-La.) said on Tuesday that he would introduce a new bill requiring clearer labelling of white supremacists.
The White Supremacist Labelling Act of 2015 would require white supremacists to wear 4-inch-by-6-inch name tags clearly designating them as members of an official hate group.
“Right now, it’s impossible to tell the difference between neo-Nazis and collectors of WWII memorabilia,” Scalise said.
The Louisiana congressman said that proper labelling for white supremacists should make it easier for lawmakers to know what kind of organizations they are addressing in the future. “Sometimes it’s hard to see through all that smoke from the burning crosses,” he acknowledged.
Jeb Bush Resigns as George W. Bush’s Brother
WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In the strongest sign to date that he intends to seek the 2016 Republican Presidential nomination, former Florida Governor Jeb Bush has officially resigned his position as George W. Bush’s brother.
“No longer being related to his brother is a key step to clearing Jeb’s path to the nomination,” an aide said on New Year’s Day. “We expect his poll numbers to soar on this.”
According to the aide, the former Florida governor resigned his post as brother in a ten-minute phone call with George W. Bush, after which he blocked the former President’s phone number and e-mail address….
Mark Twain, the sage of Hartford, on politics:
“Reader, suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress . But I repeat myself.” –Mark Twain
“There is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.” –Mark Twain
“Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.” –Mark Twain
“Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” –Mark Twain
“It’s easier to fool people than to convince them that they have been fooled.” –Mark Twain
“Fleas can be taught nearly anything that a Congressman can.” –Mark Twain
“God created war so that Americans would learn geography.” –Mark Twain
“A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.” –Mark Twain
“An honest man in politics shines more there than he would elsewhere.” –Mark Twain
“All Congresses and Parliaments have a kindly feeling for idiots, and a compassion for them, on account of personal experience and heredity.” –Mark Twain
“Patriot: the person who can holler the loudest without knowing what he is hollering about.” –Mark Twain
“A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.” –Mark Twain
“In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then He made school boards.” –Mark Twain
“Facts are stubborn things, but statistics are more pliable.” –Mark Twain
“Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence in society.” –Mark Twain
“If you don’t read the newspaper, you’re uninformed. If you read the newspaper, you’re mis-informed.” –Mark Twain
“The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog.” –Mark Twain
Read more from the great New Englander here.
TheBestDefense says
to quote Mark Twain thusly:
““Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on or by imbeciles who really mean it.” –Mark Twain
“Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience.” –Mark Twain”
after you have been promoting EB3?? You have to be some kind of major douche bag.
TheBestDefense says
you enjoyed your Xmas gift of the book of Twain quotations. I thoroughly encourage you to actually read his work in its original context, you know a whole book or two that he wrote, rather than be a Bartlett’s Quotations kind of intellectual.
kirth says
“Conservatism is the blind and fear-filled worship of dead radicals.”
Twain’s wisdom is timeless.
Christopher says
This is actually a legitimate story, but I laughed so hard when I read it I thought it belonged here. Rep. Louie Gohmert of TX, affectionately referred to by Daily Kos as “America’s Dumbest Congressman” has announced that he will challenge John Boehner for the Speakership. God help us all!