Daniel Kurtzman:

“Since President Obama took office, the Democratic Party has lost nine governorships, 56 members of Congress, and two Senate seats. In his defense, Obama said, ‘Well, I did promise change.’” –Conan O’Brien

“Well, congratulations, President Barack Obama, Conspiracy theorists who generally can survive in anaerobic environments have just had an algae bloom dropped on their fucking heads, thus removing the last arrow in your pro-governance quiver: skepticism about your opponents.” –Jon Stewart on the IRS scandal

“President Obama said in his last press conference that he wants to close Gitmo. Gitmo? How about closing Dodger Stadium? How many people are being tortured there night after night?” –Jay Leno

“NASA is taking applications for people who want to live on Mars. Now here are the requirements: You have to be between the ages of 18 and 40 and insane.” –David letterman

“Hooter’s is letting mothers eat for free on Mother’s Day. What better way to tell your mother that she raised a cheapskate and a perv?” –Conan O’Brien

Borowitz:

G.O.P. SPLIT OVER WHETHER TO WASTE TIME INVESTIGATING BENGHAZI OR REPEALING OBAMACARE

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A deep divide has emerged within the Republican Party over whether to waste Congress’s time investigating Benghazi talking points or repealing Obamacare, G.O.P. lawmakers confirmed today.

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Virginia), sounded the first discordant note at a press briefing this morning, telling reporters, “The time for wasting day after day investigating Benghazi is over. The American people are counting us to waste our time repealing Obamacare yet again.”

Onion:

Sasha Obama Suspicious After Doing A Little Digging Around On Benghazi

WASHINGTON—Saying that none of the facts quite add up, first daughter Sasha Obama, 11, reported being “highly suspicious” today after poking around the details of the 2012 Benghazi attack. “I’m sorry, but it just doesn’t make sense—first they blame the attack on a spontaneous demonstration, but now we find out the CIA talking points were secretly revised?” said the sixth-grader, sitting in the darkened White House library intensely scrolling through pages of articles about the controversy and classified Pentagon briefings. “Obviously, someone’s hiding something: the poor security; the al-Qaeda link; the leaked emails. All I’m asking for here is a simple explanation from the State Department and the White House, and I’m not getting one. I mean, who are they protecting here? And why?” Sasha went on to tell reporters she felt even more suspicious after former defense secretary Leon Panetta failed to respond to any of her 24 voicemails.

We thought it would be a normal Marathon Monday at Massachusetts General Hospital (MGH). The Boston Marathon is always held on the third Monday in April and is a public holiday—Patriots Day. All state offices are closed, together with many businesses; but for hospitals, it is a regular working day. The MGH normally expects to receive about 15 to 20 marathon runners with hyponatremia and dehydration, many more are treated at the medical tents along the route of the marathon. For many this is a day that Bostonians look forward to each year as the unofficial start of spring.

It was not to be. At 2:50PM, an explosion rocked the area near the finish line, closely followed 11 seconds later by a second blast. Two minutes later, Boston EMS initiated a hospital ringdown; they contacted all of the Boston hospitals requesting disaster capability. Our answer is always the same; we have immediate capacity for 10 critical patients, 20 seriously injured, and we can accept unlimited “walking wounded.” I was paged as soon as the radio call came in; at this time we had no idea of the potential number of injured patients or of their severity. I looked at the current ED census—we were full and had one open stretcher bay in the entire department.

A key takeaway:

We worked with Boston EMS to hone our coordination and skills and performed numerous drills, often on a citywide basis. The simulated building collapse; the dirty bomb scenario at Logan airport and the repetitive activation of the MGH disaster response system—yes—on nights and weekends, all contributed to our learning and familiarity. This training and the iterative improvement in response by all involved made the difference on Marathon Monday. Our elected representatives who help fund these efforts have to be informed that this is money well-spent; this training made the difference and translated directly into lives saved.

Click here for the entire article.

Daniel Kurtman compiles Mark Sanford:

“I remind all you conservative Christians celebrating Mark Sanford’s win that Leviticus commands you to stone adulterers.” -John Fugelsang

“Congratulations to newly elected Rep. Mark Sanford. Finally, the Congress will have an expert on foreign affairs.” -The Capitol Steps

“According to exit polls, Mr. Sanford held a three-to-one lead among voters who described themselves as liars, cheaters, or sleazebags.” -Andy Borowitz

“According to exit polls, voters felt that Mr. Sanford’s opponent, Elizabeth Colbert Busch, did not have the lying experience necessary to serve in Congress.” -Andy Borowitz

Daniel Kurtzman:

Obama at the White House Correspondent’s Dinner:

“Some folks still don’t think I spend enough time with Congress. ‘Why don’t you get a drink with Mitch McConnell?’ they ask. Really? Why don’t you get a drink with Mitch McConnell?”

On the sequester: “Republicans fell in love with this thing, and now they can’t stop talking about how much they hate it. It’s like we’re trapped in a Taylor Swift album.”

On MSNBC: “Some of my former advisers have switched over to the dark side. For example, David Axelrod now works for MSNBC, which is a nice change of pace since MSNBC used to work for David Axelrod.”

On his charm offensive: “I’m taking my charm offensive on the road — a Texas barbeque with Ted Cruz, a Kentucky bluegrass concert with Rand Paul, and a book-burning with Michele Bachmann.”

On plans for the Obama Library: “Some have suggested that we put it in my birthplace, but I’d rather keep it in the United States. Did anybody not see that joke coming? Show of hands. Only Gallup? Maybe Dick Morris?”

Conan O’Brien’s Best Jokes from the White House Correspondents’ Dinner

On Fox News: “My prior experience has taught me how these dinners work. If the President laughs, everyone laughs. And if the Fox News table laughs, a little girl just fell off her bike.”

On print media: “The print media are here for two very good reasons: food and shelter.”

On Chris Christie: “I’d like to acknowledge that earlier this evening, there was some confusion with the seating chart. For a moment, someone accidentally sat Governor Chris Christie with the Republicans. That was awkward, and I apologize.”

On Marco Rubio: “The Republican Party has a new rising star, Marco Rubio, or as he’s known in the Republican Party, our black guy.”

The Obama administration said Wednesday that girls under 15 should not have access to the most common morning-after contraceptive pill as the Justice Department filed a notice to appeal a judge’s order that would make the drug available without a prescription for girls and women of all ages.

The appeal reaffirms an election-year decision by Mr. Obama’s administration to block the drug’s maker from selling it without consideration of age, and puts the White House back into the politically charged issue of access to emergency contraception.

In appealing the judge’s decision, the Justice Department is following the urging of dozens of conservative, anti-abortion groups who do not want contraceptives made available to young girls. But it is sure to draw the ire of some abortion rights advocates who say the drug is safe and should be made available to any girl or woman who wants it.

It is one thing to take a campaign position. It is quite another to pro-actively appeal — appeal! — a federal court decision. Why should religious zealots decide what medicines people can get: that is a matter of individual freedom of choice, guided by science. As to how Obama got re-elected, HuffPo has a quick history lesson: “Obama beat Romney among women, 56%-44% — 12 points. Romney beat Obama among men, 54%-46% — 8 points.” Rock, meet hard place.

It is going to be a long time before Organizing for America gets any money from me. Maybe Focus on the Family will write a big check. I can hear the White House political advisors (should any of them actually care in the slightest what a progressive blogger has to say, now that the election is past) laughing into their sleeves: a day late, and $1.072 billion short, dude. That is exactly the mistake Hilary Clinton’s 2008 campaign team made, to their grief. More generally, “Better than the alternative,” is no way to sustain a national political party over the long term.

Onion:

Obama Orders Reinvasion Of Iraq After Illuminating Trip Through Bush Presidential Library

DALLAS—After taking an “eye-opening” tour of the newly dedicated George W. Bush Presidential Library and Museum in Dallas Thursday, President Barack Obama reportedly ordered the United States military to reinvade Iraq.

The president told reporters that the museum’s numerous displays provided illuminating information concerning the ongoing threat posed by Iraq and the necessity of re-deploying combat troops in order to bring stability and lasting democracy to the troubled country.

“I have no doubt in my mind, after spending some time in Mr. Bush’s library and museum, that the United States simply must intervene in Iraq in order to temper volatility in the Middle Eastern region as a whole,” Obama said, noting that bombers and approximately 250,000 ground troops were currently en route to the Middle Eastern nation. “The way I now see it, we have a responsibility as Americans to create that kind of change and to lead the world by example.”

“Though it will not be easy, our work in Iraq will ensure a better life for the Iraqis,” Obama continued. “And they will, I am confident, greet us as liberators.”

Pointing to the array of informational displays and exhibits housed in the former president’s 226,000-square-foot educational facility, Obama said he was “absolutely convinced” that al-Qaeda has established a major foothold in Iraq and that the people of Iraq deserved to live in a society that is “free of fear and free of want.” …

“They hate our freedoms,” Obama continued.

Borowitz:

REPUBLICANS: OBAMA MUST TAKE ACTION IN SYRIA SO WE CAN CRITICIZE ACTION HE TOOK IN SYRIA

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—A growing chorus of Republican lawmakers are demanding that President Obama take some action in Syria so that they can attack whatever action he took in Syria.

Appearing on CBS’s “Face the Nation” on Sunday, Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-South Carolina) laid out the situation in stark terms: “The time for President Obama to do something in Syria that we can eviscerate him for is long overdue.”

Arguing that there are a variety of options available to Mr. Obama for dealing with Syria, Sen. Graham said, “The President needs to choose one of those options so that we can immediately identify it as a catastrophic choice and demand that he be impeached.”

Sen. John McCain (R-Arizona) used an appearance on NBC’s “Meet the Press” to express impatience with Mr. Obama’s “steadfast refusal to give us something new to rake him over the coals for.”

“The American people have grown weary of my nonstop criticism of the President’s handling of Libya,” he said. “They are ready to hear me incessantly berate him for his handling of a different country.”

At the end of his television appearance, Sen. McCain seemed to draw a line in the sand, making a direct challenge to Mr. Obama: “Mr. President, we are sick and tired of attacking you for your inaction. The time has come for us to attack you for your action.”

Daniel Kurtzman:

“The Bush Presidential Library is beautiful, and they have a huge section devoted to weapons of mass destruction, but nobody can find it.” –David Letterman

“You know what the worst job in America is? It’s newspaper reporter. I guess the pollsters forgot to ask the guy who cleans the toilets at Dodger Stadium how things are going for him.”-Jimmy Kimmel

“Down in Texas Thursday is the opening of the George Bush Presidential Library and Think Tank. I think he’s in the shallow end.” –Jay Leno

“Former Congressman Anthony Weiner is back on Twitter. It’s like giving Lindsay Lohan the keys to the mini bar.” –David Letterman

“Today France legalized same-sex marriage. The next step is legalizing same-sex mistresses.” –Craig Ferguson

“Between these two a**holes and the douchebag who sent Ricin to President Obama, it makes me very nostalgic for the carefree days of last week when we were just being threatened by North Korea with nuclear annihilation.” –Bill Maher

“The guy who sent the Ricin to President Obama… believed he had uncovered a conspiracy to sell human body parts on the black market and the government was in on it. He’s been apprehended, he’s facing jail time, and he’s leading in the polls for the Republican presidential nomination in 2016.” –Bill Maher

In the past decade scholars have begun to study the influence of political blogs on many fronts including the mainstream media. In that vein score one today for Bluemassgroup. A reader post by johnk Wednesday on BMG titled Disgusting Robo Call by “the 99 percent” appears to have played an important role in Stephanie Ebbert’s Boston Globe story today titled Treasurer of PAC led by ironworkers union halts pro-Lynch robocalls that evoke bombings. It also may have helped lead the Lynch campaign to denounce the robocalls, which in turn lead the PAC to pull the robocalls. Not a bad day’s work, BMG.

I am constrained to observe that there are far more articles in the Boston Globe that draw comment on BMG than the reverse. A conclusion might be that rather than the former empowering the latter, it is the reverse: the blogosphere’s attention is what drives the legacy media.

Personally, however, I think that is jumping the gun. The Globe reaches more people in a week than BMG does in a year, even with our 1,401,588 unique visitors in the past 12 months, compared to 1,219,693 unique visitors in the 12 months before that. Nonethless, if we keep growing at 15 percent per year, everyone in the world will be BMG readers in our own lifetimes (right, MIT BMGers?). What a wonderful thing that would be.

Prof. Cunningham and his student Jason Agress have completed a study of BMG and wannabe-BMG Redmassgroup during the 2012 election and will present a paper with some of their findings next weekend at the annual meeting of the New England Political Science Association. They say they will post some of their findings on their blog in due course. Can’t wait!

The intense hunt for the Boston Marathon bombers illustrates another way that the National Rifle Association helps mass murderers — by delaying how quickly they can be identified.

The inability to quickly track the gunpowders in the Boston bombs is due to government policy designed and promoted by the NRA, which has found a way to transform every massacre associated with weapons into an opportunity for the munitions companies that sustain it to sell more guns, gunpowder and bullets.

The price for such delays was put on terrible display Friday morning when the two brothers, who had been caught on video placing the bombs, killed one police officer, wounded another and carjacked a motorist, creating conditions so unsafe that the 7th largest population center in America spent Friday on lockdown.

But for the NRA-backed policy of not putting identifiers known as taggants in gunpowder, law enforcement could have quickly identified the explosives used to make the bombs, tracking them from manufacture to retail sale. That could well have saved the life of Sean Collier, the 26-year-old MIT police officer who was gunned down Thursday night by the fleeing bomb suspects.

Had the suspects in the Boston bombings killed by slipping poison into bottled water or canned food at a factory, or lacing spinach in a field with a deadly chemical, it would have taken only minutes to a few hours to identify exactly where that food was manufactured and how it moved through the food chain.  That would have quickly narrowed the search for suspects.

With many food products you can use a smartphone app to scan the product’s barcode and learn where, when and by what company the product was made. Cans and bottles also come with codes printed or stamped on them to help stop foodborne illness by tracking products to their source.

“With almost any food these days you can quickly track it from the source to the store where it was sold,” according to Bill Marler, a Seattle litigator who specializes in food safety cases and sponsors the website Food Safety News.

Had the Boston bombers used a plastic explosive, it would have included identifiers that would have allowed a quick trace. Those taggants exist because the NRA does not oppose them.

Why is that? Why this breach in the NRA’s Maginot Line of defense against reasonable regulation of guns and ammunition?

The answer appears to lie in who makes plastic explosives like Semtx, which was used to bring down Pan Am Flight 103 over Lockerbie, Scotland, in 1988. The world’s main supplier was not a company that finances the NRA, but Libya under Moammar Khadafy.

That this one breach in NRA policy traces directly to the economic interests of the American munitions industry provides powerful evidence of what motivates the NRA – profits.

That the gun makers have managed to turn each massacre into a spike in sales of both expensive rapid-fire weapons and ammunition adds to the evidence that the NRA should be viewed as the mass-murder lobby.

The major source of plastic explosives may also be significant in understanding the NRA’s willingness to go along with taggants for plastic explosives, which are much more powerful than gunpowder.

But gunpowder, like guns, are extremely difficult to trace because for more than three decades the NRA has fought to make sure it’s difficult to almost impossible to do.

The Democrats are as much, or more, to blame for this unnatural and anti-democratic situation — a relatively new development in US history — as the Republicans, because they could restore majority rule, but do not. NYT:

In the first vote, the background check measure, drafted by Senator Joe Manchin III, Democrat of West Virginia, and Senator Patrick J. Toomey, Republican of Pennsylvania, fell short of the 60-vote threshold it needed in a 54-to-46 vote.

The legislation should have passed the Senate under the system that was established in 1789 and significantly revised after the Civil War, and has served us reasonably well since then.

This vote, however, shows how undemocratic our system of government has become. About 89 percent of Americans favor background checks. Yet the legislation won’t pass. That is a trend at variance with the steady rise of democracy around the world in recent decades, and a very unhealthy situation for the country.

Borowitz:

RIGHT NOT TO GET SHOT FACES UPHILL FIGHT IN SENATE

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Senate Republicans today vowed to filibuster a controversial bill supporting the right not to get shot.

G.O.P. leaders lambasted the bill, arguing that the right to go to school, work, or one’s home without fear of being shot was not guaranteed by the U.S. Constitution.

“The Second Amendment makes it very clear,” said Sen. Mike Enzi (R-Wyoming). “The right to bear arms shall not be infringed by a tiny minority’s desire not to be shot.”

But according to the pollster Harland Dorrinson, of OpinionFact Polling, the right not to get shot, while controversial, is beginning to gain traction with the American electorate.

“Like gay marriage, not getting shot is an idea that has taken some getting used to, but people are starting to wrap their brains around it,” he said.

Poll numbers notwithstanding, Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell said today that he would join the effort to filibuster any not-getting-shot-related bill: “The only way we Republicans can protect our democracy is by preventing a vote.”

REPUBLICANS CALL FOR TOUGHER SANCTIONS ON BEYONCÉ

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Arguing that their recent trip to Cuba had made them “America’s No. 1 national-security threat,” a group of Republican lawmakers today called for tougher sanctions on the entertainers Beyoncé and Jay-Z.

Onion:

Obama Sarcastically Asks How Israel Afforded Such A Great Missile Defense System

JERUSALEM—While touring Israel’s “Iron Dome” all-weather missile defense system Wednesday, President Barack Obama sarcastically asked Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu where he got all the money to build such technologically advanced equipment. “Boy, you’ve gotta have some pretty deep pockets to afford something like this—how much did you say this ran you guys?” asked Obama, who later added that the cutting-edge system designed to intercept both short and long-range missiles must have “cost Israel an arm and a leg.” “I mean, wow. I didn’t know you guys had this much in the old war chest, but apparently you do. Really, really impressive stuff. No wonder you’re so independent.” Sources say Obama’s sarcastic comments came after facetiously asking how much money Israel’s warplanes set them back, at which point Obama cut Netanyahu off and said, “I know exactly how much.”

Daniel Kurtzman:

“That reduction, that lowering in the douchey level, has not come easy. As Weiner’s brother pointed out, ‘No one has been harder on him than he has been on him than he has been on himself.’ And we all know how hard he can be on himself.” –Stephen Colbert

“Former Congressman Anthony Weiner said that he’s considering running for mayor of New York City. If nothing else I’m sure that he’ll provide some stiff competition.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Come on, he’s the total package. I don’t want to be too hard on him. I don’t have a bone to pick with that guy.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Anthony Weiner, remember him? The Peter Tweeter? He’s now thinking of running for mayor of New York. And believe me, he has thought long and hard about this.” –Jay Leno

“Dealing with the North Koreans is very difficult. They have a history of making irrational decisions to divert the world’s attention from the fact their system has totally collapsed. No wait, sorry. I was thinking of NBC.” –Craig Ferguson

Women — who make up nearly half of our Nation’s workforce — face a pay gap that means they earn 23 percent less on average than men do. That disparity is even greater for African-American women and Latinas. On National Equal Pay Day, we recognize this injustice by marking how far into the new year women have to work just to make what men did in the previous one.

Future Equal Pay Days may be mournful mid-summer affairs if the Massachusetts legislature has its way, blocks improvements to our infrastructure, and cripples our ability to compete with San Francisco, Singapore, and Melbourne. When hard times come, who gets hit hardest? The most vulnerable: people on their way up, agents of change, newcomers to the workforce, many of them women. Prosperity, by contrast, creates opportunities and makes change easier.

There may not be a lot of prosperity in Massachusetts in the future if the state keeps heading down the road it has been to global also-ran: a patchwork of roads and bridges built decades ago held together with rust and band aids, a metro rail system that is one of the oldest in the world and looks and functions the part, and an economically crippled leadership that has somehow convinced itself that the status quo is good enough. Our prosperity was built in large measure on transportation innovations, from the T to Logan Airport to Route 128. Today, we are way behind the cities I mentioned, and falling further back with every day.

If our trains ran as fast as the Beijing-Shanghai railroad opened in 2011, it would take an hour to get to New York. If the MBTA was as well run as the Hong Kong rail system it would make $20 billion in profits each year and subway stations would be air conditioned and look like this:

Our businesses and workers can’t compete against that kind of infrastructure any more than people in Asia could compete against us when we were building state of the art infrastructure. Which we are not, now.

Voting for the past is definitionally conservative and regressive. Progressives vote for a better tomorrow.

Borowitz:

FACEBOOK UNVEILS NEW WASTE OF TIME

MENLO PARK (The Borowitz Report)—Before a rapt audience at Facebook headquarters Thursday, Facebook C.E.O. Mark Zuckerberg unveiled new software that he promised “will totally change the way you are wasting your life.”

Explaining the development of Facebook’s new phone software, Home, Mr. Zuckerberg said, “Our research showed that Facebook users still had a few hours a day when they were leading somewhat healthy and productive lives. Our new software will change all of that.”

Mr. Zuckerberg said his developers had worked for months developing Home, “which seizes control of your phone and makes it good for little other than Facebook—much like many Facebook users themselves.”

By bombarding the user with status updates on a twenty-four-hour basis, he boasted, “Home transforms Facebook from just a social network into something akin to a neurological disorder.”

As the audience applauded that pronouncement, Mr. Zuckerberg added, “At Facebook, we want to be a million voices inside your head.”

When one member of the audience worried whether Home would give Facebook even more access to private information about one’s life, Mr. Zuckerberg reassured the questioner, “After using Home for several weeks, you will have no life.”

While clearly proud of his latest product, Mr. Zuckerberg gave notice that he did not intend to rest on his laurels: “At Facebook, we will never stop striving to replace real experience with something soulless and empty.”

Daniel Kurtzman:

“Today President Obama asked Congress for $100 million to map the human brain. And believe me, if anybody needs a map to find their brain, it’s Congress.” –Jay Leno

“The White House held its 135th annual Easter Egg Roll. President Obama and Mrs. Obama were there. The theme was ‘Be healthy, be active, be you.’ They had a yoga garden, which sounds like a place you threaten kids with when they are bad. ‘I will send you straight to the yoga garden, little mister.’” –Jimmy Kimmel

“According to the United Nations, more people have working cellphones than have working toilets. Hey, so do most Carnival cruise ships. That’s not unusual.” –Jay Leno

The plaintive cry of a Beacon Hill staffer who posted here during a past dust-up between the politics of the past and those of the future rings on my keyboard: “We’re not all corrupt!”

It is time for legislators to side with the people rather than their parking spots, Red Sox tickets, Christmas turkeys, buckets of coal, and whatever other perks of power they get from the bosses. Those who have fallen into darkness should get a primary challenge.

Deval Patrick (email no link):

What the Legislature is proposing is to raise the gas tax, the sales tax on cigarettes, and all other fees, fares and tolls. For that, MassDOT can move employees from the capital budget to the operating budget, and the Regional Transit Authorities can fund their operations currently instead of in arrears. In other words, the agency balance sheets will be better, which is good, but not the quality of the service. The Legislature would have people pay more for a gallon of gas or a pack of cigarettes, more to register a car, and more for tolls on the Pike or for a Charlie Card or a commuter rail ticket, yet see no improvements in the quality of their lives or communities.

I don’t see how it’s either good policy or good politics to raise taxes on everybody without being able to show that you’re delivering something at home. By proposing a pretend solution rather than a real one, the Legislature is kicking the can down the road again. That is a slow-growth or a no-growth choice. It does not bear our generational responsibility. And I will not support it.

Full text of the email on the flip:

From the start in 2006, I told you that the reason I wanted to be governor was because we needed to start governing for the next generation–not just the next election cycle or the next news cycle.  I believe we have to be about making the hard decisions today that leave the Commonwealth better and stronger tomorrow, and that kicking the can down the road has weakened the Commonwealth and has to end.

I have governed in that spirit and, time after time, the Legislature has been a partner in that.  From pension and health care to education and transportation, we have worked with the Legislature to make far-reaching and lasting reforms, to steward the public fisc wisely, and to grow opportunity.  We have saved you billions of dollars along the way, and have a series of historic “firsts” to point to as well.

In January, I presented a budget that makes critical, long-delayed investments in our transportation and education systems.  The plan I proposed will modernize our transportation system Commonwealth-wide; better prepare our children for work and life, including by bringing thousands of kids off the wait-list for early education programs and making college more affordable; and create tens of thousands of jobs well into the future. Our proposal was data-driven.  We engaged thousands of citizens, from regular commuters to economists and business leaders.  We used tested cost estimates and actual numbers.  And we made the plan transparent, so people can see how it would affect their finances and what they would get in return.

This week, the Legislature presented their alternative.  Theirs is a transportation-only plan that raises taxes on everybody to fix some of the deficit at the T for a few years–and little else.  Our education needs are not even mentioned.  Their plan was developed behind closed doors without public feedback or a hearing.  And it is being hurried through the Legislature for a vote next week.

What the Legislature is proposing is to raise the gas tax, the sales tax on cigarettes, and all other fees, fares and tolls.  For that, MassDOT can move employees from the capital budget to the operating budget, and the Regional Transit Authorities can fund their operations currently instead of in arrears.  In other words, the agency balance sheets will be better, which is good, but not the quality of the service.  The Legislature would have people pay more for a gallon of gas or a pack of cigarettes, more to register a car, and more for tolls on the Pike or for a Charlie Card or a commuter rail ticket, yet see no improvements in the quality of their lives or communities.

I don’t see how it’s either good policy or good politics to raise taxes on everybody without being able to show that you’re delivering something at home.   By proposing a pretend solution rather than a real one, the Legislature is kicking the can down the road again.  That is a slow-growth or a no-growth choice.  It does not bear our generational responsibility.  And I will not support it.

We all have a stake in this debate.  Whether you agree with my plan or the Legislature’s, make your voice heard.  You can reach the Governor’s Office at 617-725-4005 and you can find your local legislator here.

Harvard University, July 4, 1942

I’ll be live on WBUR’s Radio Boston Monday 1 April from 3-4 PM to talk about my new book Napalm, An American Biography with host Meghna Chakrabarti. This is the US national publication date for the book, published by the Belknap Press of Harvard University Press. You can read reviews here (“meticulously researched and vitally important,” “brilliant”) and order it from the Harvard Book Store by clicking on the picture above, or from Amazon here. This is the first comprehensive history of the weapon.

Napalm is an incendiary gel that sticks to skin and burns to the bone. It was invented at Harvard in a top-secret 1942 war research program and used in Europe, and to incinerate 64 of Japan’s largest cities in WWII. It has fought in most major military conflicts since its invention, from the Greek civil war to the 2003 U.S. invasion of Iraq. Opponents of the Vietnam War, led by America’s youth, branded it a symbol of all that was wrong about that war in the 1960s. Hollywood, popular culture and politicians, in the context of America’s defeat in Indochina and the development of alternate weapons, made it the pariah weapon it is today.

WBUR has made an excellent mini website for the show. Here is a five-minute video that summarizes the book:

Here is an excerpt:

Napalm

Borowitz:

SCALIA FURIOUS HE HAS TO HEAR ABOUT GAY COUPLES ALL WEEK

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an outburst that shocked many onlookers at the Supreme Court today, Justice Antonin Scalia said that it made him “angry beyond belief” that he had to listen to people talking about gay couples all week.

As Justice Anthony Kennedy questioned whether it was appropriate for the Court to hear a case about same-sex marriage at this time, Mr. Scalia stunned observers with an emotional outburst.

“O.K., could we just stop talking about this stuff right now?” Justice Scalia snapped at Justice Kennedy. “I’ve told you all how I feel about this topic, and I don’t understand why we’re going on and on about it unless you all hate me.”

As the courtroom froze in dead silence, Justice Scalia seemed to gather steam, shouting, “For two days, it’s been gay this, gay that. You’re all just talking about this stuff as if it’s the most normal thing in the world. Well, it’s not, O.K.? It’s weird and it’s wrong. And just talking about it like it’s O.K. and whatnot is making me angry beyond belief.”

As the other justices averted their eyes, Justice Scalia broke down, sobbing that he wished “things were normal, the way they used to be.”

Daniel Kurtzman:

“Last night President Obama celebrated Passover by hosting a seder at the White House. There was an awkward moment when Sasha asked, ‘Hey, I thought we were Muslim.” –Conan O’Brien

“Pope Francis met former Pope Benedict over the weekend at a Vatican retreat. They spent the weekend in prayer trying to figure out exactly what marshmallow Peeps have to do with Easter.” –Jay Leno

“I think I finally figured out where Sarah Palin came from. Someone cast a spell on a YouTube comment and it came to life.” –Jon Stewart

“The Republican National Committee announced that it will spend $10 million to reach out to Hispanic, Asian, and African-American voters – you know, to ask them not to vote.” –Jimmy Fallon

The Computer Fraud and Abuse Act is the most outrageous criminal law you’ve never heard of. It bans “unauthorized access” of computers, but no one really knows what those words mean. Orin Kerr, a former Justice Department attorney and a leading scholar on computer-crime law, argues persuasively that the law is so open-ended and broad as to be unconstitutionally vague. Over the years, the punishments for breaking the law have grown increasingly severe—it can now put people in prison for decades for actions that cause no real economic or physical harm. It is, in short, a nightmare for a country that calls itself free. …

What are terms of service? Remember the last time you signed up for a Web site and clicked through several pages of fine print? Yep, that was it. Chances are, you didn’t read it, and didn’t think that it might be a federal felony to violate the provisions that it contained. The Justice Department has repeatedly taken the position that such violations are felonies. In the prominent cyberbullying case United States v. Drew, a federal prosecutor asserted that violating MySpace’s terms of service would be a federal felony. Similarly, the indictment threatening Aaron Swartz with thirty-five years in prison depended, in part, on a terms-of-service violation: when Swartz tried to download thousands of academic articles, he did so as an authorized guest user of the M.I.T. network. He didn’t actually “hack” or “break” into the network; he violated the terms of service for guests by downloading too much stuff.

The broadest provision, 18 U.S.C. §1030(a)(2)(c), makes it a crime to “exceed authorized access, and thereby obtain… information from any protected computer.” To the Justice Department, “exceeding authorized access” includes violating terms of service, and “any protected computer” includes just about any Web site or computer. The resulting breadth of criminality is staggering. As Professor Kerr writes, it “potentially regulates every use of every computer in the United States and even many millions of computers abroad.” You don’t have to be a raving libertarian to think that might be a problem. Dating sites, to borrow an example from Judge Alex Kozinski, usually mandate that you tell the truth, making lying about your age and weight technically a crime. Or consider employer restrictions on computers that ban personal usage, like checking ESPN or online shopping. The Justice Department’s interpretation makes the American desk-worker a felon. …

As if to underline the point, last Thursday, federal prosecutors indicted that Matthew Keys, a social-media editor at Reuters, under the same law for helping with an online prank. Keys helped hackers vandalize a news story on the Web, messing with the contents of the article and changing a headline to read “PRESSURE BUILDS IN HOUSE TO ELECT CHIPPY 1337”—which was an inside joke. The damage was trivial, yet he is threatened with two hundred and fifty thousand dollars in damages and up to twenty-five years in prison.

Wu calls on President Obama to adopt more sensible — dare I write “just” — enforcement policies.

RYAN BUDGET PLAN GETS ENDORSEMENT FROM AYN RAND

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Rep. Paul Ryan (R-Wisconsin) was jubilant today after his newly unveiled budget plan picked up a key endorsement from the novelist Ayn Rand.

It was a rare public utterance for the late Ms. Rand, who has been damned to eternal torment in Satan’s lake of fire since 1982.

“This is a budget I wish I had written,” said Ms. Rand, pausing to scream as white-hot flames licked her face. “Paul Ryan is a great man and I look forward to meeting him someday.”

Rep. Ryan acknowledged Ms. Rand’s praise with humility, telling reporters, “There’s no trick to cutting $4.6 trillion once you take a hard look at failed ideas of the past, such as the social contract.”

Mr. Ryan added, “Unlike the Democrats’ plan, my budget has new ideas, like cutting two of the four food groups and classifying large sodas as medicine.”

Ms. Rand’s thumbs-up capped a victory lap of sorts for Mr. Ryan, who earlier in the day garnered an endorsement from Marie Antoinette.

Obama at Gridiron dinner:

On the sequester: “I know some of you have noticed that I’m dressed a little differently from the other gentlemen. Because of sequester, they cut my tails. My joke writers have been placed on furlough. I know a lot of you reported that no one will feel any immediate impact because of the sequester. Well, you’re about to find out how wrong you are.”

On Marco Rubio (after pausing to drink from a glass of water): “That, Marco Rubio, is how you take a sip of water.”

On mixing up Star Wars and Star Trek references: “After a very public mix-up last week, my communications team has provided me with an easy way to distinguish between ‘Star Trek’ and ‘Star Wars.’ Spock is what Maureen Dowd calls me. Darth Vader is what John Boehner calls me.”

On Washington Post reporter Bob Woodward: “I know that some folks think we responded to Woodward too aggressively. But hey, when has — can anybody tell me when an administration has ever regretted picking a fight with Bob Woodward? What’s the worst that could happen? ”

On his special someone: “Now I’m sure that you’ve noticed that there’s somebody very special in my life who is missing tonight, somebody who has always got my back, stands with me no matter what and gives me hope no matter how dark things seem. So tonight, I want to publicly thank my rock, my foundation — thank you, Nate Silver.”

On Joe Biden: “Look, it’s no secret that my Vice President is still ambitious. But let’s face it, his age is an issue. Just the other day, I had to take Joe aside and say, ‘Joe, you are way too young to be the pope.’”

Daniel Kurtzman:

“The big news is the new Pope. His name is Jorge Mario Bergoglio. If you’re saying to yourself, ‘Boy, that name sounds familiar,’ you’re right. For seven years he was the ace reliever for the Yankees.” –David Letterman

“But their job is not done yet. The 115 cardinals are going to stay in Rome a few extra days and try to find a replacement for Joy Behar on ‘The View.’” –Jay Leno

“In accordance with Vatican tradition, the cardinals in the papal conclave will release white smoke when a Pope is chosen. The practice was started by those two ancient leaders, Cardinal Cheech and Cardinal Chong.” –Jimmy Fallon

A bill to ban assault weapons and high-capacity ammunition magazines: 10 Democrats voted yes, eight Republicans voted no. A bill to require background checks on buyers in all gun sales, including from private sellers: 10 Democrats voted yes, eight Republicans voted no. A bill to stop illegal trafficking of firearms: 10 Democrats and one Republican voted yes, seven Republicans voted no.

Borowitz:

POLL: MAJORITY OF AMERICANS OPPOSED TO BEING KILLED BY DRONE

MINNEAPOLIS (The Borowitz Report)—In a possible setback for the Administration’s controversial drone policy, a new poll conducted by the University of Minnesota shows that a broad majority of Americans are opposed to being killed by a drone strike on U.S. soil.

The poll, which has a margin of error of plus or minus five percentage points, showed that ninety-seven per cent of those surveyed “strongly agreed” with the statement, “I personally do not want to be killed by a drone,” with three per cent responding, “Don’t know/No opinion.”

“There’s no other way to interpret these numbers,” said the University of Minnesota’s Davis Logsdon, who oversaw the survey. “The idea of being killed by a drone is not playing well out there.”

And while the poll numbers may not augur well for the Administration’s expanding use of drones, the response was even more negative in a focus group of likely drone victims.

One member of that group, a forty-three-year-old male from St. Paul, complained that “it doesn’t even seem like the government is trying to come up with alternatives to killing us with drones.”

“It seems like they could figure out some kind of system where instead of just being killed by a drone, people could maybe present evidence to see if they’re guilty or not,” he said.

At the White House, spokesman Jay Carney tried to make the best of the poll results, telling reporters, “Look, people are afraid of getting killed by a drone. We get that. But there is still broad public support for drones killing somebody else.”

Onion:

American Citizens Split On DOJ Memo Authorizing Government To Kill Them

WASHINGTON—Following the release of a secret Department of Justice memo this week that outlines the administration’s legal justification for killing U.S. citizens, a new Pew Research Center poll has revealed that a majority of Americans are torn over whether they support the government’s right to kill them anywhere at any time without due process. “On the one hand, I get it—it’s important for the government to be able to murder me and any of my friends or family members whenever they please for reputed national security reasons. But on the other hand, it would kind of be nice to stay alive and have, maybe, a trial, actual evidence—stuff like that,” said visibly conflicted 39-year-old Nashua, NH resident Rebecca Sawyer, who, like millions of other Americans, is split over whether secret federal agents should be allowed to target and assassinate her anywhere on U.S. soil. “I wouldn’t mind if federal officials blew up other citizens and claimed it was in the name of my safety. But it’s just that when it comes to me, I guess I’d rather not be slaughtered by my own elected officials on charges that never have to be validated by any accountable authority. This is tough.” While most Americans expressed conflicted feelings regarding the memo, the poll also found that 28 percent of citizens were unequivocally in favor of being obliterated at any point, for any reason, in a massive airstrike.

Daniel Kurtzman:

“Demographic shifts are making it harder for the GOP to win nationally. Apparently in 2012, minority voters just didn’t connect with the Republican message of ‘Stop, thief!’” –Stephen Colbert

“These automatic budget cuts are serious. It could negatively affect water and sewage services. In other words, all of America is about to embark on a Carnival cruise.” –Conan O’Brien

“My favorite part about today was when the Pope left the Vatican, he left in a helicopter – just like ‘The Bachelor.’” –Jimmy Kimmel

“Even though many have wanted to see Gitmo closed, including President Obama, despite all logic, it remains open for business. It’s the Radio Shack of the War on Terror.” –Stephen Colbert

“This horse meat scandal just keeps growing. And it isn’t happening only in Europe. According to a new report, donkey meat has been found in hamburgers in South Africa. Consumers said when they were eating the burgers, they sensed something was wrong but they couldn’t quite pin a tail on it.” –Jay Leno

“Today the Pope made his last public appearance. That is, until the new season of ‘Dancing With the Stars.’” –Conan O’Brien

“All this turmoil, of course, is nothing new in Italy. Until the late 19th century it was just a bunch of feuding states. And the women had tiny mustaches. It was like the Kardashians.” –Craig Ferguson

“Somebody noticed that none of the Oscar winners thanked God. To add insult to injury, at his last sermon, the same day, the Pope thanked Harvey Weinstein and Meryl Streep.” –Conan O’Brien

“Unlike Jesus, with my book, you don’t have to wait a thousand years for the second edition.” –Stephen Colbert

As President Obama observed of Mitt Romney, before crushing him in a nationwide election:

you seem to want to import the foreign policies of the nineteen-eighties, just like the social policies of the nineteen-fifties and the economic policies of the nineteen-twenties.

He could have speaking of the Republican Party in general. Antonin Scalia did his part to support the thesis this week when he attacked voting rights, and proposed to eliminate legal protections that forced the South to abandon segregation. Republican opposition to Secretary of Defense Chuck Hagel on the grounds that he was soft on … something … reeked of nostalgia for Cold War claims.

It is ideology over reality, and not the way to 21st century relevance. Forcing people out of work and weakening the national defense to keep taxes low for millionaires and billionaires, and eliminating civil rights protections against racial segregation are not popular outside the extreme right wing. On defense, the Republican record is an unnecessary invasion of Iraq, and botched wars there and in Afghanistan: in a word, defeat.

Republicans are already about a million votes behind in the House. Gerrymandering is more or less keeping them in power. In the Supreme Court, they have a one-vote majority. If they lose the next presidential election that may be gone too. Thus, their increasing interest in ways to limit the franchise. As Lindsey Graham observed, there aren’t enough “angry white guys” to keep this going — just ask Dan Winslow, Gabriel Gomez, and Mike Sullivan.

The regular Joke Revue continues below:

Onion

While I’m Glad I Won, I Personally Believe Abraham Lincoln Deserved To Die

By Daniel Day-Lewis

Tonight I had the great honor of receiving the Academy Award for Best Actor for my performance in the film Lincoln. It is my immense privilege to receive an Oscar for the third time in my career, especially for portraying such an historic figure. And as I look back on this role, I can only feel deeply honored and humbled for the praise and respect I’ve received, even though I personally believe that Abraham Lincoln was an American traitor who deserved to die.

Honestly, this award truly is a tremendous thrill for me. And the fact that I’m being awarded for portraying a liar, a fraud, and an enemy of justice whose murder was fully justified doesn’t change that. … [Click here to read the full piece].

Daniel Kurtzman:

“The Italian press is reporting that the next Pope could be the cardinal from Boston. If he gets the job, he’ll be the first Pope to make you kiss his 2007 World Series ring.” –Conan O’Brien

“Here’s one of the odd things about being Pope. You’re the Pope and you’re in your office and sitting at your desk, and on your desk is a photo of your boss’s son.” –David Letterman

Then I looked more closely at Gomez, who earns his living as a private equity investor, a line of work made infamous by Mitt Romney. Sadly, his record doesn’t match his rhetoric.

On taxes, Gomez is as extremist and ideological as they come. “[T]ax increases kill jobs,” he asserts on his website. “[E]ven if we raised taxes to 100% on the wealthiest taxpayers, it wouldn’t be enough to balance our federal budget. We need spending cuts, …” Not only is this defense of billionaires and millionaires refuted by both reason and experience — America had higher employment under Clinton, when taxes on the richest were higher, for example — it is also a simplistic Tea Party mantra. Sign him up as a spokesperson.

Oh, wait, no need: Gomez actually was a spokesperson last summer for a far-right group of former special operations forces and intelligence personnel “Special Operations OPSEC Education Fund, Inc.” that attacked President Obama (“Commander-in-Chief Hussein Mao-Baba,” according to the groups’s lead spokesperson former Navy SEAL Ben Smith) last August. In a near-miracle of twisted logic, OPSEC, backed by secret financiers, effectively accused Obama of treason for killing Osama bin Laden. Wikipedia:

On August 15, 2012, the organization released Dishonorable Disclosures, a 22-minute documentary film that accuses the Obama Administration of taking credit for killing bin Laden and leaking information for political advantage, featuring interviews with former special forces personnel. … In an official statement, the Obama campaign responded to the film by saying “The Republicans are resorting to ‘Swift Boat’ tactics because when it comes to foreign policy and national security, Mitt Romney has offered nothing but reckless rhetoric”. … Juliet Lapidos of the New York Times called the OPSEC video “a dishonest hatchet job” and remarked that while the stars of the video presented themselves as concerned citizens with no partisan motivations, their positions were inconsistent with their decision to appear in the video. Military journalist and former Marine, Geoffrey Ingersoll, reported in BusinessInsider that the video is a partisan effort instead of an effort to protect US troops, saying, “Obama used SEALs to kill bin Laden. Republicans are using them to eliminate Obama.”

Reality bites.

A pocket full of meat?
IPhone screens are capacitive-touch technology, which means that they only respond to flesh, meat and similar. Unless Scotty had a pocket full of meat, there was no pocket dialing. [mannygoldstein @ Tue 19 Feb 4:35 PM]

Plums? Plums?
When did I buy plums? Hmm. [whosmindingdemint @ Tue 19 Feb 5:18 PM]

OK, perhaps a pocket full of plums…
But not fabric. [mannygoldstein @ Tue 19 Feb 8:04 PM]

Visit NBCNews.com for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy

Today’s evisceration of the latest stream-of-Tea-Party consciousness from capo Wayne LaPierre is particularly worth reading. A key line:

The real difference between America and Britain, at least on this count, is that there were 31,672 firearm deaths in the U.S. in 2011, versus 51 in Britain.

Click here to have a look.

Borowitz:

Republicans Apologize to top 1.5 percent

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In the aftermath of the fiscal-cliff deal, Republicans in Congress issued a heartfelt apology to the top 1.5 per cent richest people in America, offering “messages of profound condolence” for allowing their taxes to increase slightly.

“Our hearts go out to them,” said House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio), still teary-eyed after hanging up the phone with a multimillionaire in Orange County, California. “We came to Washington to do the work of 1.5 per cent of the American people, and we didn’t get it done.” …

Mr. Boehner said that he tried to offer the wealthy consolation by reminding them that because of an increase in payroll taxes, millions of middle-class and working-class Americans would be suffering more than they would: “That usually put them in a better mood.”

House Majority Leader Eric Cantor (R-Virginia) assailed the fiscal-cliff legislation today, calling it “a classic example of putting 98.5 per cent of the American people ahead of the rest of the country.”

Offering words of hope to the top 1.5 per cent, Mr. Cantor said, “In a few months we’ll have the next debate about the debt ceiling. As God is my witness, we will try to do a better job of bringing this nation to the brink of Armageddon.”

But to billionaires such as Harland Dorrinson, a longtime super-donor to the G.O.P., such assurances ring hollow: “If the fiscal-cliff deal is the kind of performance we can expect from Republican politicians, what’s the point of owning them?”

Daniel Kurtzman:

“The Pope will be replaced, of course. When one Pope goes, another one popes up in his place.” –Craig Ferguson

“This is crazy. The justice department is saying that President Obama can order drone strikes on American citizens, that he can do that. In a related story, this is the last Obama joke I’m ever doing on this show.” –Conan O’Brien

“Several states are now looking into the possibility of taxing marijuana as a source of revenue. That is so typical of the government, isn’t it? Trying to squeeze blood from a stoner.” –Jay Leno

“Hispanics and Republicans go together like beans and very very white rice that is highly suspicious of the beans.” –Stephen Colbert, on Republican claims that the Hispanic vote should belong to the GOP

Four years ago, right-wing economic analysts insisted that deficit spending would destroy jobs, because government borrowing would divert funds that would otherwise have gone into business investment, and also insisted that this borrowing would send interest rates soaring. The right thing, they claimed, was to balance the budget, even in a depressed economy.

Now, this argument was obviously fallacious from the beginning. As people like me tried to point out, the whole reason our economy was depressed was that businesses weren’t willing to invest as much as consumers were trying to save. So government borrowing would not, in fact, drive up interest rates — and trying to balance the budget would simply deepen the depression.

Sure enough, interest rates, far from soaring, are at historic lows — and countries that slashed spending have also seen sharp job losses. You rarely get this clear a test of competing economic ideas, and the right’s ideas failed.

BMG News:

GOP Chairman [sic.] Kristen Hughes led a group of 50 chanting Massachusetts Republicans in a march to Boston’s Museum of Science on the first day after her election as party head to demand that the state strip the institution of its tax-exempt status and re-register as a PAC.

“This institution is a slap in the face to Republicans across the Commonwealth,” Hughes shouted into a megaphone. “Science, education, reason and progress: everything we oppose. They even have an exhibition at the moment headlined by Big Bird, who Mitt Romney identified as a symbol of all that is wrong with America under President Obama.”

Hughes said her priorities for the upcoming legislative session were measures to remove traffic lights from across the Commonweath as “yet another example of the nanny state run amok,” and a plan to require that commodities such as a bushels of corn or pecks of apples be accepted as legal tender. “What we need is to return to a traditional way of doing things,” said the Chairman [sic.], who promised she would “work tirelessly to abolish woman’s suffrage” as soon as her primary program was enacted.

Borowitz:

Obama Urged to Resign Over Beyonce Scandal

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) – A rising chorus of congressional Republicans are calling on President Obama to acknowledge that the pop singer Beyoncé lip-synched during his inaugural festivities and resign from office, effective immediately.

“By lip-synching the national anthem, Beyoncé has cast a dark cloud over the President’s second term,” said Sen. Rand Paul (R-Kentucky). “The only way President Obama can remove that cloud is by resigning from office at once.”

While many in the media have blamed Beyoncé for the lip-synching controversy, Mr. Paul said, “We must remember that this happened on President Obama’s watch.”

Mr. Paul said that the White House’s refusal to comment on the Beyoncé crisis “only serves the argument that this President has something to hide.”

“If Beyoncé lip-synched the national anthem, how do we know President Obama didn’t lip-sync his oath of office?” he said. “If that’s the case, he’s not legally President. But just to be on the safe side, he should resign anyway.”

Mr. Paul also blasted Secretary of State Hillary Clinton for her testimony on Benghazi before the Senate: “Her tactic of answering each and every question we asked her didn’t fool anyone.”

 

GOAL, the Gun Owners’ Action League, is the “Official State Association of the National Rifle Association” in Massachusetts. It says liability insurance requirements for gun owners are a “backdoor gun grab” — an equivalent argument is that people should be allowed to drive their cars without insurance — and offers classes for would-be criminals, and others, on such subjects as “Coat pocket shooting drills,”and “Speedloader loading tactics” for snub revolvers (loaders supplied).

Massachusetts has nothing to fear from law-abiding gun owners, GOAL asserts, and as to military-grade assault weapons, “there is no real issue in the United States with these rifles in regard to crime.” Tell that to the parents of the Connecticut first graders: gunned down in 14 minutes with a legal weapon, owned by a law-abiding citizen.

As to Rep. Winslow: A+ from the local NRA:

Rep. Winslow was a leader of Mitt Romney’s 2012 campaign (47 percent of Americans: “My job is not to worry about those people. I’ll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives,” ”You didn’t build that,” secret tax returns, and Seamus strapped to the roof). Romney and his GOP team were so opposed to the Commonwealth’s values they lost every county in the state, and 2-1 in the candidate’s home town of Belmont.

Winslow talks like the glib politician that he is. When it comes to gun safety, however, he is anything but sensible or centrist.

Daniel Kurtzman:

“The Pentagon lifted the ban this week on women being able to serve. Yes, women can now serve in front line combat positions, proving that women will follow gay men anywhere.” –Bill Maher

“Gov. Bobby Jindal of Louisiana said ‘we must stopped being the stupid party.’ Good luck with that. When Sarah Palin heard that, she demanded an apology. She said, ‘How dare he insult hard-working, patriotic, idiotic Americans like me.’” –Bill Maher

“Tom Tancredo, who was a congressman from Colorado and ran for president, made a bet that his state would not legalize marijuana. And of course, he lost that bet. And you know what he has to do because he lost that bet? Yes, he’s got a suck on a joint. I just hope in the next few years he loses a bet on gay marriage.” –Bill Maher

“New Jersey Governor Chris Christie is getting big-time financial support for his re-election campaign, a fundraiser hosted by Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg. That means the creator of the world’s largest social network is raising money for the world’s largest governor.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“House Speaker John Boehner said that President Obama’s focus is to annihilate the Republican Party. Do Republicans look like they need any help from President Obama? They’re doing a hell of a job themselves.” –Jay Leno

“North Korea said it will test a rocket that they hope will hit the United States. In other words, watch your back, middle of the Pacific Ocean.” –Conan O’Brien

Onion:

Filthy Mitt Romney Delivers Campaign Speech To Audience Of Confused Shoppers In Ohio Safeway

CANTON, OH—According to eyewitnesses at the scene, an unkempt and thoroughly disheveled Mitt Romney gave an impassioned campaign speech Monday to a group of bewildered shoppers inside a local Safeway.

Sources confirmed the filth-covered former presidential candidate walked into the store unannounced early yesterday evening, went to the store’s cereal aisle, and started to play Kid Rock’s “Born Free” on a portable boom box, enthusiastically waving and pointing to no one in particular.

As customers began to recognize the 2012 GOP nominee through his scraggly beard and uncombed hair, Romney reportedly picked up a can of Pringles from a nearby shelf, held it near his mouth, and began loudly addressing the growing crowd of confused onlookers. …

Witnesses told reporters that Romney walked around the store barefoot as he gave his speech, wearing only a pair of dirt-caked jeans and a wrinkled dress shirt covered in food stains. …

“President Obama is trying to distract everyone from his record, because he knows his policies have done nothing to rebuild our economy,” said Romney, eating from a large box of croutons he had taken from the salad dressing aisle. “My five-point plan will scale back the job-killing policies of the current administration, promote small business, cut tax burdens, and put Americans back to work again.”

Sources said a weeping Ann Romney at one point attempted to pull her husband out of the store by his arm but was angrily rebuffed, with the 65-year-old retired businessman yelling that he was “trying to do [his] job here.”

Romney then reportedly climbed atop a checkout counter, rolled up the torn sleeves of his shirt, and started calling on different customers for questions about his tax policy.

“And now, I’d like to welcome on stage the best decision I ever made aside from marrying Ann—the next vice president of the United States, Paul Ryan!” Romney exclaimed as he grabbed the hand of a nearby cashier and attempted to pull her onto the counter to stand alongside him. “From the moment we take office, Paul and I are going to fight for each and every one of you and restore the promise of this great nation.” …

Admittedly, from last week, but too good not to include. From the White House’s We the People response to a petition for the US to build a death star:

This Isn’t the Petition Response You’re Looking For
By Paul Shawcross

The Administration shares your desire for job creation and a strong national defense, but a Death Star isn’t on the horizon. Here are a few reasons:

• The construction of the Death Star has been estimated to cost more than $850,000,000,000,000,000. We’re working hard to reduce the deficit, not expand it.
• The Administration does not support blowing up planets.
• Why would we spend countless taxpayer dollars on a Death Star with a fundamental flaw that can be exploited by a one-man starship?

However, look carefully (here’s how) and you’ll notice something already floating in the sky — that’s no Moon, it’s a Space Station! Yes, we already have a giant, football field-sized International Space Station in orbit around the Earth that’s helping us learn how humans can live and thrive in space for long durations. The Space Station has six astronauts — American, Russian, and Canadian — living in it right now, conducting research, learning how to live and work in space over long periods of time, routinely welcoming visiting spacecraft and repairing onboard garbage mashers, etc. We’ve also got two robot science labs — one wielding a laser — roving around Mars, looking at whether life ever existed on the Red Planet.

Onion:

62-Year-Old With Gun Only One Standing Between Nation And Full-Scale Government Takeover

NORFOLK, VA—According to numerous reports, local 62-year-old Earl Bailey, who owns a shotgun and several boxes of ammunition, is currently the last bastion of defense between the United States of America and the federal government’s plot of a full-scale takeover.

Bailey, a recent retiree and a proud advocate of gun rights, has been confirmed by multiple sources as being a true patriot, and is, at present, the only person capable of preventing top-secret forces within the government from striking and forcefully coercing hundreds of millions of Americans to submit to a fascist and brutal New World Order.

The Onion Demands John Kerry Tell The Truth About His Swift Boat Service

In this age of global tumult and unrest, it is of the very utmost importance that our government officials are straightforward, candid, honorable individuals who demonstrate a steadfast unwillingness to cede the nation’s interests to the enemy. And among these varied posts, there is perhaps none more vital to our continued security and safety than the office of Secretary of State. Choosing a man for this position is not a decision that should be made lightly, and yet the current nominee, Senator John Forbes Kerry, currently appears likely to pass through the nomination process unimpeded, having curried the favor of legislators on both sides of the aisle.

However, it is our duty as the vanguard of journalistic excellence to hold our leaders to a more exacting standard. And so, The Onion today demands that, before the confirmation process is allowed to continue, John Kerry be forced to tell the full and unvarnished truth about his service as a swift boat commander in the Vietnam War so that the concerns of the legions of doubters may at last be put to rest.

Daniel Kurtzman:

“Mississippi Governor Phil Bryant on Wednesday asked state legislatures to declare President Obama’s new gun control proposals ‘illegal,’ though I’m not sure if the Mississippi state legislature has that kind of power since it’s just thirty hissing possums in a barn.” –Seth Meyers

“Firearms groups across the country have declared today the first annual Gun Appreciation Day. So don’t forget to set your clock back 100 years.” –Seth Meyers

“The NRA made an ad saying that Obama is elitist because his kids have armed guards. Yeah, that crazy Obama thinking his kids need special protection. I love the NRA accusing anyone of being paranoid. It’s like a septic tank saying, ‘You need a mint.’” –Bill Maher

“President Obama’s inaugural parade will feature eight floats, including a Hawaii float to honor his birthplace, an Illinois float to honor the first lady’s home state, and a Kenyan float just to mess with Republicans.” –Jimmy Fallon

“Daniel Day-Lewis won a Golden Globe for playing Abraham Lincoln and Julianne Moore won for playing Sarah Palin. The foreign press realized that the greatest challenge for an actor in Hollywood is pretending to be a Republican.” –Jay Leno

This time it might be right, but it isn’t going to do the world’s best-known brand any good. It’s hurting from decreased domestic sales and smarting from the piles of evidence that soda and other sugar-sweetened beverages are not only our biggest source of calories, but also among our most harmful. So it has struck back with a two-minute video whose ostensible message is that too many calories will make you fat (true), that those in Coke are no worse than any others (false), and that we’re all in this together (ridiculous).

The video is brilliantly executed. Its honeyed, heart-rending voice-over and stirring images — as American as a Chevy commercial — nearly caused me to go out and buy a case myself, as I recalled those innocent days of the ’50s and ’60s when Coke and cigarettes and Our Country and I were all (it seemed) young together, happy and happening and eating burgers and fries like there was no tomorrow. It took me back to when Coke was the real thing, it was “it,” we were teaching the world to sing together, and even Mean Joe Greene was just a cutie. There’s always been Coca-Cola.

Well, there were always Marlboros, too, and as diseases related to metabolic syndrome surpass those from smoking, Coke is becoming a dinosaur, one that should not be replaced by aspartame-laced drinks (which have problems of their own, including, possibly, depression) but by water. Even the not-exactly-radical American Heart Association recognizes that the amount of sugar in a Coke is probably the most added sugar people can safely tolerate daily, and our average intake is two to three times that.

This is another video on the subject, not produced by Coke but worth watching:

[T]he Sixth Massachusetts Volunteer Militia was formally organized. With war approaching, men who worked in the textile cities of Lowell and Lawrence joined this new infantry regiment. They were issued uniforms and rifles; they learned to drill. They waited for the call. It came on April 15th, three days after the attack on Fort Sumter. They were needed to defend Washington, D.C.. The mood when they left Boston was almost festive. When they arrived in the border state of Maryland three days later, everything changed. An angry mob awaited them. In the riot that followed, 16 people lost their lives. Four were soldiers from Massachusetts. These men were the first combat fatalities of the Civil War.

Better that we settle our differences on football fields than battle fields today. Those men left a great legacy.

Interestingly, the commercial echoes themes of “elitism” and “hypocrisy” that were an important element of Romney’s botched presidential campaign and are a key part of the GOP’s continuing, unsuccessful efforts to regain power. They speak to a shrinking, angry, fearful segment of the population.

This radicalism comes from a group that has seen its support evaporate in the face of massive nationwide majorities that have no patience for a corporate sales pitch disguised as delusional ranting (even their head Wayne Lapierre has described himself as “crazy”). Strikingly, Republican-skewed Gallup reports 58 percent of the country wants tighter gun laws, a 2-1 margin over those who don’t.

Australia got rid of its military-grade weaponry after a massacre and hasn’t had one since. We could keep our children safer, improve national security, and save enormous amounts of tax money, if we limited private gun ownership to registered single-shot manual-reload hunting rifles. Thank goodness Scott Brown, who opposed gun safety while a Senator, was voted out. No guns, no mass murder of first graders.

Late on Saturday, Swartz’s family issued a statement mourning the loss of their loved one’s “curiosity, creativity” and “commitment to social justice.” They also put some of the blame for Swartz’s death on federal prosecutors.

“Aaron’s death is not simply a personal tragedy,” the statement reads. “It is the product of a criminal justice system rife with intimidation and prosecutorial overreach. Decisions made by officials in the Massachusetts U.S. Attorney’s office and at MIT contributed to his death. The US Attorney’s office pursued an exceptionally harsh array of charges, carrying potentially over 30 years in prison, to punish an alleged crime that had no victims.”

That sentiment was echoed by Harvard University Law School Professor Lawrence Lessig, a friend of Swartz, wrote a withering blog post attacking the Department of Justice for its misplaced zeal …

The people they are pointing the finger at are U.S. Attorney Carmen Ortiz and prosecutor Scott Garland. The issue is their decision to charge Swartz with numerous felonies for his decision to download millions of scholarly articles from the non-profit database JSTOR using systems at MIT.

But Swartz returned all of the articles. JSTOR settled with him and objected to the prosecutions. “Aaron returned the data he had in his possession and JSTOR settled any civil claims we might have had against him in June 2011,” JSTOR said in a statement Saturday. HuffPo noted, “Had JSTOR wanted to pursue civil charges against Swartz for breach of contract, it could have. But JSTOR did not, and washed its hands of the whole affair. In 2013, JSTOR made several million academic journal articles available to anyone, free of charge.”

“Unlike JSTOR, MIT refused to stand up for Aaron and its own community’s most cherished principles,” the family said in its statement.

Frank Phillips wrote an article last month floating Ortiz’ name for Governor. Garland’s bio is here.

Ugly.

But I think clearly at the national level, and certainly in my state, we demonstrated without any question that if you’re serious about grassroots organizing at the precinct level, you can win, and you can beat big money anytime. That’s something we Democrats have to understand, and we have to practice that every election cycle. Quite frankly, we haven’t been doing it, except in the presidential campaigns, and some Congressional and Senatorial campaigns. But the Warren campaign stands out as being a great example of that. I’ll take a little bit of credit for that, but not much. She deserves it, because she listened, and she said, “okay that’s what we’re going to do.” On election day, she had 26,000 volunteers out. That was the culmination of an increasingly powerful grassroots campaign that just blew Brown out of there. Not surprisingly, he had money, but no grassroots support. In fact, he was bringing young people in from DC, which gives you just some sense of how weak his grassroots support was in comparison to hers.

I don’t think many of the professional politicians or people in the political industry believe this. It’s easy to see why insofar as grassroots-based politics doesn’t carry big ad buy commissions, which is how many political consultants make much of their money. As Upton Sinclair famously observed: “It is difficult to get a man to understand something, when his salary depends upon his not understanding it!”

A flaw in Dukakis’ thesis with respect to the Warren campaign, of course, is that Warren was “big money:” she raised $42 million to Brown’s $28 million. (Annoyingly, she keeps demanding more with every email: first professing deep personal gratitude, and then slipping in the ask. One might think that $42 million would earn a week or two of commercial-free emails).

Nonetheless, Dukakis is exactly right that politics is changing, at least in Massachusetts, driven in large measure by the Internet. Nationwide, whichever party manages to drive Obama- and Warren-quality technology all the way down to the local assessor and dog catcher level will reap huge gains that may last for a long time. There is no technical or financial reason why they can’t: there is virtually no marginal cost to adding a few thousand users to a database management system built for a national or state-level campaign. Indeed, if Karl Rove had spent his millions on building Internet infrastructure instead of wasting it on TV he might have accomplished something in the last cycle — but he also wouldn’t have gotten his commission. The NRA is a case in point of how a small but well-organized extremist group can control the whole country, and this is a natural model for the Republicans to ape as their base continues to shrink. So far, they have been as incompetent and ineffective as Republicans usually are when faced with a real-world problem (should I have linked here?). But they may not stay that way.

Dukakis also more or less endorses Markey at the end of the interview:

Ed Markey has already announced. He’s a terrific guy, and I’m a big fan of his. He’d be a great candidate, and a great Senator. I don’t know who else is going to announce, but he should be out there in front, and working hard at it, and more power to him.

But Massachusetts is the progressive capital, and the greatest state in the country: we should have the nation’s safest gun laws as a matter of personal security and protection of our children.

It is time for our leaders, especially Governor Patrick but also the lords of the legislature, to lead. Recent events demonstrate that security from military-grade weaponry can only be obtained by forbidding its private ownership. Newtown was perpetrated with a legal gun that was stolen. No background check, worthy though such measures are as a general principle, would have prevented it. Recent mass murders by lunatics at Fort Hood in Texas, a giant military base, and Columbine High School and Virginia Tech, both of which had armed guards, demonstrates the fatuousness of arguments that weaponry offers effective protection for surprise attacks by heavily armed maniacs. No guns, no massacres.

As to the politics, support for private ownership of military-grade arms — which in the wake of Newtown is effectively an endorsement of mass child murder — has  collapsed into the ever-more-extremist Fox/Republican Party: the GOP continues to move right as the country moves left. Our fragmented system of national government may allow them to block national security legislation in the interest of gun company profits and the paranoid ravings of some of their base. After all, under the absurd filibuster rules tolerated by the Democrats 10.2 percent of the population can block legislation (we’re almost as weak at the moment as the famed Polish Parliament that required unanimity and led to the collapse of the state). If so, it will be a Pyrrhic victory along the lines of Mitt Romney’s embrace of the radical right to win the GOP nomination: short term success, long term irrelevance. But a lot of children will be murdered along the way.

Democracy Now!

New York Gov. Unveils New Gun Control Measures

New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo has unveiled what he has billed as the toughest gun control legislation in the country in the aftermath of last month’s Newtown massacre in neighboring Connecticut. In an impassioned State of the State address on Wednesday, Cuomo called for tightening the state ban on assault weapons and high-capacity magazines, as well as new measures to restrict gun sales to those with mental health issues and criminal records.
New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo:

“And I say to you, forget the extremists! It’s simple: No one hunts with an assault rifle! No one needs 10 bullets to kill a deer! And too many innocent people have died already! End the madness now! Pass safe, reasonable gun control in the state of New York! Make this state safer! Save lives! Set an example for the rest of the nation! Let them look at New York and say, ‘This is what you can do! And this is what you should do!’ This is New York, the progressive capital; you show them how we lead!”

The gun control measure is expected to be approved in the next week, with state Republicans saying they will not stand in its way.

Separately, Gawker yesterday published the name of every holder of a gun permit in New York city: Here Is a List of All the Assholes Handsome Law-Abiding Citizens Who Own Guns Some People in New York City.

Single shot rifles that require manual loading for each new bullet should be the only permitted firearms for private ownership in the Commonwealth. Anti-personnel ammunition should be prohibited. Owners should be required to pass strict licensing requirements, apply for annual recertification, and bear unlimited personal criminal and civil liability for any illegal or negligent use of their weapons by any person. All expenses to the state associated with robust enforcement of gun security laws should be covered by annual permit fees paid by gun owners, which should be set accordingly. Current owners of non-complying weaponry should be paid just compensation for their weapons. If you have suggested revisions to the General Laws with respect to gun ownership, by all means add them in the comments.

This legislation should be enacted immediately. MarketWatch got its towns mixed up, but it might not have. Newtown, CT is 90 minutes from the state line.

Governor Patrick and the General Court should be leading on this, not New York, which isn’t even in New England. Our children died because of a crime that was foreseeable and preventable: military weaponry should not be allowed in the general population. NYT:

New York State is nearing agreement on a proposal to put what would be some of the nation’s strictest gun-control laws into effect, including what Gov. Andrew M. Cuomo vowed on Wednesday would be an ironclad ban on assault weapons and large-capacity magazines, and new measures to keep guns out of the hands of criminals and mentally ill people.

Lawmakers in Albany, seeking to send a message to the nation that the recent mass shootings demand swift action, say they hope to vote on the package of legislation as soon as next week.

Just a quick note from this pro-America pro-dog blogger to observe that:

1. Anti-dog candidate Mitt Romney, likely an unindicted criminal under Massachusetts humane laws (and pronounced guilty by an Oregon judge) was badly beaten by pro-dog Obama, supported by the “I Ride Inside” movement in memory of Seamus Romney, long a cause celebre on this blog.

2. Defense nominee Chuck Hagel’s candidacy for the Pentagon post was no doubt boosted, and may even have been arranged by his dog Figgie. Wikipedia:

The family has a dog, Figgie, a Portuguese water dog who was trained by Dawn Sylvia-Stasiewicz, who also trained the Obama Family’s dog, Bo, as well as Ted Kennedy’s dogs.

We, the dog owners, the 39 percent.

Borowitz:

A Holiday Letter from John Boehner

Dear American People:

It’s Speaker Boehner here, writing my first and last ever holiday letter to you. Why am I doing this after all of these years, you might ask? Well, I won’t mince words. I’ve started drinking a little early this Christmas.
Yes, I’m sitting here in my man-cave, panelled in mahogany the color of me, doing a rack of Canadian Club shooters and smoking my way through a carton of Lucky Strikes as if they were the last Twinkies in creation. If my chief of staff knew that I was writing to you while I was this polluted, he’d shit a phone book. But guess what? I don’t fucking care anymore.

You see, this will be my last Christmas as Speaker of the House, all because a cabal of Tea Party miscreants in the House of Representatives doesn’t think I’m a ginormous enough asshole for their taste. Who’s more to their liking? Virginia’s own Eric Cantor. As a waiter might say at an all-you-can-eat shit buffet, “Excellent choice.” How odious is Eric Cantor? Let me put it this way: when we have to speak to the press, I actually prefer to stand next to Mitch McConnell.

What will life be like under Speaker of the House Eric Cantor? Well, he’s the guy who recommended cuts in disaster funding just hours after tornadoes hit Joplin, Missouri. Nice. And it was his “never met a dick-measuring contest I didn’t like” pathology that helped create last year’s debt-ceiling crisis. You can’t put a price tag on a performance like that. Well, actually you can: it cost the country nineteen billion dollars. Starting to miss me already, aren’t you? Fuck you.

So have a very Eric Cantor Christmas, America, and as that smug four-eyed sociopath drives the entire nation off the cliff, don’t say I didn’t warn you. Now leave me alone, God damn you. Damn you all to hell.
Happy Holidays,

Speaker Boehner

Onion (catching up edition):

After Obama Victory, Shrieking White-Hot Sphere Of Pure Rage Early GOP Front-Runner For 20162:37
Sources say the screaming orb might be the only potential candidate that would tap into Republicans’ deep-seated, seething fury after this election.

“Young, exciting, it feeds off fear and terror …” Click here to see the video, which is currently experiencing embedding problems: it is worth it.

More from The Onion:

‘I Want To Congratulate The President,’ Romney Says In 240,000th And Final Lie Of Campaign

BOSTON—While delivering his concession speech at the Boston Convention and Exhibition Center Tuesday night, Republican presidential nominee Mitt Romney uttered the 240,000th and final lie of his 2012 campaign when he offered his “sincere congratulations” to President Barack Obama. “This has been a hard-fought and closely contested campaign, and while we’ve had our share of disagreements, there has always been a great deal of respect and admiration between myself and the president,” said Romney, concluding 17 months’ worth of manipulative falsehoods, half-truths, and outright fabrications with one last bald-faced lie. …

Click here to donate before the critical 31 December fundraising cut-off (the vote is in March 2013). Click here for his record and agenda. Have a look for yourself in English:

and in Spanish:

Adam Gopnik lays it out in the New Yorker:

So don’t listen to those who, seeing twenty dead six- and seven-year-olds in ten minutes, their bodies riddled with bullets designed to rip apart bone and organ, say that this is impossibly hard, or even particularly complex, problem. It’s a very easy one. Summoning the political will to make it happen may be hard. But there’s no doubt or ambiguity about what needs to be done, nor that, if it is done, it will work. One would have to believe that Americans are somehow uniquely evil or depraved to think that the same forces that work on the rest of the planet won’t work here. It’s always hard to summon up political will for change, no matter how beneficial the change may obviously be. Summoning the political will to make automobiles safe was difficult; so was summoning the political will to limit and then effectively ban cigarettes from public places. At some point, we will become a gun-safe, and then a gun-sane, and finally a gun-free society. It’s closer than you think. (I’m grateful to my colleague Jeffrey Toobin for showing so well that the idea that the Second Amendment assures individual possession of guns, so far from being deeply rooted in American law, is in truth a new and bizarre reading, one that would have shocked even Warren Burger.)

Gun control is not a panacea, any more than penicillin was. Some violence will always go on. What gun control is good at is controlling guns. Gun control will eliminate gun massacres in America as surely as antibiotics eliminate bacterial infections. As I wrote last week, those who oppose it have made a moral choice: that they would rather have gun massacres of children continue rather than surrender whatever idea of freedom or pleasure they find wrapped up in owning guns or seeing guns owned—just as the faith healers would rather watch the children die than accept the reality of scientific medicine. This is a moral choice; many faith healers make it to this day, and not just in thought experiments. But it is absurd to shake our heads sapiently and say we can’t possibly know what would have saved the lives of Olivia and Jesse.

On gun violence and how to end it, the facts are all in, the evidence is clear, the truth there for all who care to know it—indeed, a global consensus is in place, which, in disbelief and now in disgust, the planet waits for us to us to join. Those who fight against gun control, actively or passively, with a shrug of helplessness, are dooming more kids to horrible deaths and more parents to unspeakable grief just as surely as are those who fight against pediatric medicine or childhood vaccination. It’s really, and inarguably, just as simple as that. [emphasis and link added.]

And of course, we all know who fights against childhood vaccination: “Taliban kills five women aid workers in Pakistan as they administer polio vaccine.”

Richard Painter is a professor of law at the University of Minnesota and was the chief White House ethics lawyer for President George W. Bush from 2005 to 2007. In other words, a former top Republican White House official speaks. NYT Op-Ed:

But the last election showed the costs to Republicans of succumbing to the N.R.A. and to other groups with extremist views on issues like homosexuality and stem cell research. The fringe groups, drenched with money and the “free speech” that comes with it, have stood firm, and become even more radical, as the population as a whole — including many traditional Republican voters — has moved in the opposite direction.

Gun violence in particular frightens voters in middle- and upper-income suburbs across the country, places like my hometown, Edina, Minn. These areas, once Republican strongholds, still have many voters who are sympathetic to the economic platform of the Republican Party but are increasingly worried about their own safety in a country with millions of unregistered and unregulated guns. Some suburban voters may keep a hunting rifle locked away in a safe place, but few want people bringing semiautomatic weapons into their neighborhoods. They also believe that insane people should not have access to guns.

A few clicks on the N.R.A. Web site lead you to the type of weapons the group wants to protect from regulation. Many are not needed for hunting pheasants or deer. They are used for hunting people. They have firepower unimaginable to the founding fathers who drafted the Second Amendment, firepower that could wipe out an entire kindergarten classroom in a few minutes, as we saw so tragically last week.

This is not the vision of sportsmanship that soccer moms and dads want or will vote for, and they will turn against Republicans because of it. Who worries about the inheritance tax when gun violence may kill off one’s heirs in the second grade?

Military grade weapons technology like that used to slaughter 20 first graders and their teachers one week ago — semi-automatic rifles and pistols, high capacity magazines, and special ammunition, weaponry “for hunting people,” as Painter accurately characterizes it — has to be banned for private ownership, just like hand grenades, machine guns, and mortars. Yvonne Abraham and the 99 percent of Americans who are not members of the NRA — let alone the nation’s children — should not have to live under their tyranny.

Whether someone owns a gun is a more powerful predictor of a person’s political party than her gender, whether she identifies as gay or lesbian, whether she is Hispanic, whether she lives in the South or a number of other demographic characteristics.

It will come as no surprise to those with a passing interest in American politics that Republicans are more likely to own guns than Democrats. But the differences have become much more stark in recent years, with gun ownership having become one of the clearest examples of the partisan polarization in the country over the last two decades.

 

In other words, one group in the society is becoming more integrated and confident and another, driven in part by fear, is trying to resist change. But you can’t stop progress, or progressives: 2012 was an encouraging election and there is more work to be done along similar lines, from a ban on the military-grade weaponry used to massacre 20 first traders and their teachers last week, to reality-based economic policies, to defeat of the zombie Republican Scott Brown should it be required.

[W]hen I get to the Senate, I will sign onto Senator Feinstein’s bill to re-instate a ban on assault weapons and other commonsense gun control measures. …

Re-authorizing the assault weapons ban is a responsible first step that we can take now. Is that all we can do? Of course not. Is it a full solution that will stop all gun violence? No, but it is a start.

Senator Kerry has made the same commitment.

Good first steps, indeed, but our Senators should lead, not just follow Senator Feinstein and whoever else may happen to introduce “commonsense gun control measures.” What is the good of being one of the most prominent politicians in the country, or a stellar law professor, from the greatest state in the nation, if you can’t draft the best laws?

Military-grade technology like that used to massacre 20 six-year olds and their teachers should not be permitted in private hands. This technology is relatively new in our society, and its impact is now being felt. Anything less enables future atrocities, which will happen again without fundamental change.

No semi-automatic weapons, large capacity magazines, and blow-a-six-year-olds-head-off ammunition, no Newtown. Effective anti-massacre legislation in Australia and England is a powerful example. No fatalities in a Chinese madman’s knife attack on school children and their teacher last week underlines the point.

Brian McCrory was closer to the mark in his column today:

To start, we need a comprehensive national ban, free of loopholes, on the weapon of choice for massacres: the lightweight, semi-automatic assault rifle known as the AR-15. Ban the high capacity clips that feed them. Require background checks for all purchases, including at gun shows and in private transactions. Fund a national buyback.

The AR-15, however, is a symptom, not the disease. What needs to be banned is not any particular weapon but the military-grade technology used at Newtown: semi-automatic rifles and handguns, high-capacity magazines, and special ammunition.

A more constructive approach is the estimable Peter Porcupine’s suggestion on Red Mass Group for affirmative legalization of a limited number of weapons with everything else prohibited. Single shot rifles and shotguns, which are useful for hunting and effective for self-defense, are plenty. If that had been the law, there would likely be a lot of six year olds and their teachers at home with their families this Christmas instead of buried in tiny coffins.

Our fabulous national representatives should lead, not follow.

The private equity firm Cerberus Capital Management said on Tuesday that it would sell its investment in the gunmaker Freedom Group in response to the school shootings last week in Connecticut.

Cerberus acquired Bushmaster — the manufacturer of the rifle used by the gunman in the Newtown attacks that killed 27 people, including 20 schoolchildren — in 2006.

There will be more massacres like Friday’s, as sure as shooting, until  these weapons are no longer owned by the public. A consequence of the former will be ever-greater activism against gun manufacturers. A consequence of the latter will be reduced sales. Both are bad for business. Smart move: Cerebrus.

The larger point, however, is that the preventable massacre of 20 children and their teachers has changed the terms of the gun debate. Before it was civil libertarian gun owners versus authoritarian regulators. Now it is enablers of child murder against everyone else. Newtown’s atrocity was committed with military weaponry that should not be allowed in the general population.

The terminology is instructive, accurate, and worth adopting in the current debate: people who want to own weapons like those used in Newtown are “shooters.” Everyone else is “the public.”

The Port Arthur massacre and its consequences

The Port Arthur massacre in 1996 transformed gun control legislation in Australia. Thirty five people were killed and 21 wounded when a man with a history of violent and erratic behaviour beginning in early childhood[14] opened fire on shop owners and tourists with two military style semi-automatic rifles. Six weeks after the Dunblane massacre in Scotland,[9] this mass killing at the notorious former convict prison at Port Arthur horrified the Australian public and had powerful political consequences.

The Port Arthur perpetrator said he bought his firearms from a gun dealer without holding the required firearms licence.[15]
Prime Minister John Howard, then newly elected, immediately took the gun law proposals developed from the report of the 1988 National Committee on Violence[16] and forced the states to adopt them under a National Firearms Agreement. This was necessary because the Australian Constitution does not give the Commonwealth power to enact gun laws. The proposals included a ban on all semi-automatic rifles and all semi-automatic and pump-action shotguns, and a tightly restrictive system of licensing and ownership controls.

Some discussion of measures to allow owners to undertake modifications to reduce the capacity of magazine-fed shotguns (“crimping”) occurred, but the government refused to permit this.

Surveys showed up to 85% of Australians supported gun control,but some farmers and sporting shooters strongly opposed the new laws.
The government planned a series of public meetings to explain the proposed changes. In the first meeting, on the advice of his security team, Howard wore a bullet-resistant vest, which was visible under his jacket. Some shooters were critical of this.[17][18][19]

Some shooters applied to join the Liberal Party of Australia in an attempt to influence the government, but the Liberal Party barred them from membership.[20][21] A court action by 500 shooters seeking admission to membership eventually failed in the Supreme Court of South Australia.[22]

Because the Australian Constitution prevents the taking of property without just compensation the federal government introduced the Medicare Levy Amendment Act 1996 to raise the predicted cost of A$500 million through a one-off increase in the Medicare levy. The gun buy-back scheme started on 1 October 1996 and concluded on 30 September 1997.[23] The buyback purchased and destroyed more than 631,000 firearms, mostly semi-auto .22 rimfires, semi-automatic shotguns and pump-action shotguns. Only Victoria provided a breakdown of types destroyed, and in that state less than 3% were military style semi-automatic rifles.

It is easier to obtain lethal weaponry in our society now than any any previous time in history. Massacres like that at Newtown and elsewhere are the result. We don’t have more homicidal maniacs now than in the past, but we have magnified their power by granting them access to advanced military technology. State of the art flintlock muskets in 1789, when the constitution was written, shot a maximum of four rounds per minute and required the full attention of the operator during that period. Bushmaster’s AR-15, the weapon used to kill 20 six-year olds and their teachers, can shoot 45 rounds per minute: as fast as one can pull the trigger (Bushmaster, for reference, is owned by Cerebrus Capital, 875 Third Avenue in New York, give them a call at 212.891.1558 or send them an email at media@cerberuscapital.com if you are so inclined: here is the executive team).

It is also no mystery who commits atrocities like this: all of the massacres from Tuscon to Connecticut were committed by the same person — a man with a gun.

Conclusion: our children, our leaders, even you yourself, darling reader, are at risk — random chance is all that protects us or, realistically, ever can protect us given the speed with which this technology can be deployed — until we remove devices like those used Friday, semi-automatic rifles and handguns, and special ammunition, from private ownership.

As long as this technology is in general circulation, there will be more killings like this, as sure as shooting.

For a gripping commentary on the related issue of mental illness see ‘I Am Adam Lanza’s Mother’: A Mom’s Perspective On The Mental Illness Conversation In America published yesterday in HuffPo.

In England, “on 13 March 1996 Thomas Hamilton walked into the gym at Dunblane primary school and killed 16 young children and their teacher. He also injured 13 other children and three teachers. Hamilton, a former scout master, then shot himself,” the BBC reports. Sound familiar? In November 1997, handguns were banned in the United Kingdom. A fine example.

Sign a petition by Mayors Against Illegal Guns here.

In the coming weeks, I’ll use whatever power this office holds to engage my fellow citizens, from law enforcement, to mental health professionals, to parents and educators, in an effort aimed at preventing more tragedies like this, because what choice do we have? We can’t accept events like this as routine.

Are we really prepared to say that we’re powerless in the face of such carnage, that the politics are too hard?

Are we prepared to say that such violence visited on our children year after year after year is somehow the price of our freedom?

His answer to those two questions, presumably, is No, and his prognosis is some practical steps to keep weapons out of the hands of homicidal maniacs. We’ll see. Full speech:

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

Want to own a gun as a private citizen, for example as a hunter? Do it subject to reasonable limitations imposed by our elected representatives. My proposal for a good first principle: crazy people should not be allowed to own guns.

Of course, the narrowest possible Supreme Court majority doesn’t agree with me at all, but they would if they were progressive, reality-based thinkers instead of blinkered ideologues locked in an intellectual Tower of Silence and corrupted by corporate money.

Why should kindergardeners be sacrificed to zealots assembled by the gun industry to ensure profits: the National Rifle Association. More generally, the current anarchist-inspired gun rules in this country are an inspirational example of the importance of getting the radical faction that dominates the Supreme Court out of office and accelerating the demise of the Republican Party that put them there.

Most specifically, for the record, the recently departed Senator Scott “As you can see, she’s not” Brown generally opposed gun control regulation during his tenure in Washington and, before that, in Massachusetts. Just one example of the harm that small-minded politician did during his time in office. Globe:

In January 2011, following an Arizona shooting that killed six people and injured US Representative Gabrielle Giffords, Brown offered more pointed opposition to federal gun restric­tions, saying he was “not in favor of doing any additional federal regulations with regard to any type of weapons or federal gun changes.’’ …

In the Legislature, Brown was a reliable vote for gun rights, with one major exception. He supported the state version of an assault weapons ban. But several of his votes earned top marks from gun rights groups, including an A-plus in 2008 from the Gun Owners’ Action League. Among them was a vote against a 2004 measure that sought to ban ­assault weapons manufactured prior to 1994. While serving as a state representative in 2002, he sided with a number of Democrats in allowing residents who had certain felony convictions to get gun licenses after seven years.

The party that has lost the last two presidential elections and is clinging to power in the House and Supreme Court by narrowing margins has its foot pressed to the accelerator of irrelevance. Exhibit A: its continuing effort to drive the economy into a brick wall to protect tax breaks for billionaires. Exhibit B:

Ambassador Susan E. Rice Withdraws From Consideration for Secretary of State, White House Says

If the GOP’s 2014 campaign platform is that we don’t need more qualified, competent women in high office in this country, this is a reasonably effective way to kick it off.

Narrative #2:

Fill in your analysis of what is going on in the comments.

But history will no doubt record that withering Republicans were finally wiped from the earth in 2016 when the relentless (and rested) Conquistadora Hillary marched in, General Bill on a horse behind her, and finished them off.

Sounds like a good result to me even if Dowd botched her metaphors. Hillary did a great job in the Senate and at State, and four years should be plenty of time to write a best-selling book and build an insurmountable campaign war chest. She did hire some absolute wretches to run her campaign, but perhaps she could avoid that mistake this time around and, in practice, who could stand against her?

Borowitz:

Boehner: Obama Needs to Stop Acting Like He Won the Election

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Tensions over the so-called fiscal cliff reached a boiling point today as House Speaker John Boehner accused President Obama of acting like he won the November election.

“Our message is clear: Mr. President, we are ready to negotiate with you,” Mr. Boehner told reporters. “But this nonsense of acting like you won the election has got to stop.”

Lashing out at Mr. Obama’s “delusional arrogance,” Mr. Boehner added, “I don’t know what planet he thinks he won an election on, but this whole ‘the American people elected me’ act is getting a little old.”

Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell echoed Mr. Boehner’s sentiments, stating, “The President’s budget proposal sounds like the ravings of a man who thinks he won fifty-one per cent of the popular vote and three hundred and thirty-two electoral votes. When he decides it’s finally time to return to Realityville, he knows where to find us.” …

“That business about raising taxes on the rich was—pardon my French—freaking hilarious,” Sen. McConnell said. “I’m glad that losing the election hasn’t made the President lose his sense of humor.”

Kurtzman:

“The CEO of The Cheesecake Factory is now warning that Obamacare will be very costly. Hey, The Cheesecake Factory is one of the reasons we need Obamacare in the first place.” –Jay Leno

“Texas Gov. Rick Perry says he’s taking steps to run for president in 2016. In fact, this week he’s meeting with donors. He better hope they’re brain donors.” –Jay Leno

“General Petraeus is telling his friends he screwed up royally by having an affair with his biographer. Well, duh! If you want to keep an affair secret, don’t have sex with the woman who’s writing your life story.” –Jay Leno

“A lot of dissension among conservatives. One of the leaders of the Tea Party has resigned after a major split in the movement. The Tea Party is now divided between angry whites and even angrier whites.” –Conan O’Brien

“The CEO of the Olive Garden blames his company’s low profits on Obamacare – which is odd because most people won’t eat at the Olive Garden until they have health insurance.” –Conan O’Brien

“Mitt Romney has a new job. He’s going back to work. He got a job at a Marriott. When you’re at the front desk arguing over your mini bar bill, Mitt will be the guy that comes from out back and says, ‘I understand there’s some trouble?’” –David Letterman

“The Obamas have decorated the White House with 54 Christmas trees. It’s all part of their ‘For the last time, we’re not Muslim’ campaign.” –Conan O’Brien

Gail Collins, surely America’s most gifted columnist:

Also, Mitt loves practical jokes, and if Obama had really wanted to get in the spirit of things, he could have had Romney arrested by the Capitol Police in the lobby.

Onion:

Congressman Torn Between Meaningless Pledge To Anti-Tax Zealot, Well-Being Of Nation

WASHINGTON—Amid ongoing negotiations in Congress over the looming “fiscal cliff,” Rep. Tom Reed (R-NY) told reporters Wednesday he is “completely torn” between his commitment to conservative activist Grover Norquist’s meaningless anti-tax pledge and the general welfare of the entire country. “On the one hand, you have a nonsensical promise to blindly oppose tax increases regardless of circumstances, but on the other, you have the well-being of more than 300 million people and the long-term stability of the entire U.S. economy,” said Reed, adding that he is “really stuck between a rock and a hard place” now that he must decide between his loyalty to a dogmatic political lobbyist and his responsibility to serve the best interests of his constituents. “At the end of the day, it’s a question of whether a nonbinding signature on an outdated and worthless pledge written 26 years ago is more important than preventing the nation from completely going to hell. I just don’t know what to do here.” When reached for comment, Norquist urged the pledge’s signatories in Congress to “remember what’s really important” before sacrificing utterly irrational principles for the sake of the country’s future.

Daniel Kurtzman:

“Down in Tampa, where we have our Central Command, there was this glorified gypsie grifter named Jill Kelly, who’s part Kardashian, part Palin, and part Snooki, who was hanging around the military bases. The media calls her a Tampa socialite. What is that really? Someone who goes to Applebee’s and orders the filet? So she starts getting these anonymous threatening emails from someone – of course it turned out to be Paula Broadwell – telling her to stay away from my general. Because if there’s one thing a mistress hates, it’s a guy who cheats.” –Bill Maher

“This is why I agree with the gays when they say we should not allow heterosexuals in the military.” –Bill Maher

“The best part of this is the politics of it. Jill Kelly is a Republican. General Petraeus, that’s the guy Republicans wanted to run for president. Paula Broadwell, they wanted to run her for Senate on the Republican side. This whole scandal happened because Jill Kelly was flirting with a super-partisan right-winger FBI agent, who took the emails to his Republican congressman, who took them to House Majority Leader Republican Eric Cantor. You know who I blame? Obama.” –Bill Maher

“President Obama is in town today. He’s visiting the places that were destroyed by Hurricane Sandy. And he’s visiting people who lost their power. Those are Republicans, but that’s a different story.” –David Letterman

“The economy is so bad, MSNBC had to lay off 300 Obama spokesmen.” –Jay Leno

Fox couldn’t handle the truth, and cut him off. “Whattabunchawimps,” Ricks wrote on his blog for Foreign Policy magazine in a post titled “Ricks mocks Fox, which cuts and runs.”

The best part of the exchange is the expression on the face of the Fox anchor after Ricks confronts him with the Truth That Dare Not Speak Its Name about the propaganda corporation he is working for: he looks like he was just fed a red pill. Then they go to a break.

Daniel Kurtzman:

“There’s a video going around of President Obama getting choked up and crying while he thanked his campaign staff after the election. When Mitt Romney saw the video, he was like, ‘What is that clear liquid coming out of his eyes? Is he leaking?’” –Jimmy Fallon

“A woman is so angry with the election results that reportedly she got in her car and ran over her husband. She’s so mad that Romney didn’t win, she runs over her husband. It was Karl Rove’s wife.” –David Letterman

“You remember Paul Ryan? He was Mitt Romney’s Gilligan, his little buddy. He wanted to be vice president but it didn’t work out. They did some of those focus groups and it turns out people didn’t want a vice president with two first names.” –David Letterman

“Colorado and Washington just legalized marijuana. If Hostess can’t figure out a way to make money off of that, then maybe they shouldn’t be in the snack cake industry. I guess I’ll just have to take my business to Little Debbie.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“There’s a petition for Texas to secede. It has 25,000 signatures. The signatures are from every state but Texas.” –Conan O’Brien

“Then they start decorating the tree with a beautiful array of Christmas lights and on the very top they put a tiny little Mayor Bloomberg. In fact, it actually is Mayor Bloomberg.” –David Letterman

“Folks, I’m no fan of ‘Sesame Street.’ They expose our children to dangerous liberal ideas like befriending the homeless, two men sleeping in the same bedroom and counting.” –Stephen Colbert

“James Bond beat Abraham Lincoln at the box office. Boy, it’s really been a lousy week for Republicans, hasn’t it?” –David Letterman

“The truth is, many women are attracted to men in power. And powerful men are attracted to women who — well, women. So to recap, men are pigs but some of them have cool jobs.” –Craig Ferguson

“Mitt Romney has a supporter in Indiana who thought it was a good idea to have the Romney/Ryan logo tattooed on his face. He’ll feel stupid when he finds out about campaign buttons. ” –Jimmy Kimmel

“I wonder if laser tattoo removal is covered under Obamacare. That would be ironic, wouldn’t it?” –Jimmy Kimmel

“No gloating. The Republicans are licking their wounds, which is ironically Mitt Romney’s health care plan.” –Bill Maher

“The Republicans are in full sour grapes mode. They lost because of Obama’s dirty tactics, the biased media, and non-whites, and the promise of giveaways to takers. You know, if you scrubbed every inch of your house and something still smells like s**t, it’s time to take a shower.” –Bill Maher

“Obama won single women by 38 percent. I think the message to Republicans was clear: get off me.” –Bill Maher

“Two-term presidents is a pretty small club in the history of the United States. The only club smaller is Latinos for Romney. And then the only club smaller than that it Latino women for Romney” –David Letterman

“On Tuesday night, Mitt Romney’s staff briefly published his victory website by mistake. Republicans called it an embarrassing error, while Big Bird called it ‘the scariest two minutes of my life.’” –Jimmy Fallon

“I’m checking for updates on the campaign’s ‘I’m with Mitt’ app. It still works, and it lets you take photos with little messages that show your support for Mitt Romney. I tweeted this one today — ‘I’m With Mitt.’ Then later, ‘I’m Standing With Mitt.’ And eventually, ‘I’m In The Fetal Position With Mitt.’” –Stephen Colbert

Borowitz:

PETRAEUS STARTED AFFAIR LAST YEAR TO COVER UP BENGHAZI, SAYS CONSPIRACY THEORIST

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—The scandal involving former C.I.A. director David Petraeus took a startling twist today, as a leading right-wing conspiracy theorist claimed that Gen. Petraeus initiated his affair with author Paula Broadwell last year to avoid testifying about Benghazi this week.

“Petraeus is a master of strategy, capable of playing several chess moves ahead,” said Harland Dorrinson, who has a website. “Clearly, he knew it would be handy to be embroiled in an extra-marital affair if the situation in Benghazi someday went south and he was forced to testify about it.”

Onion:

Remembering The Campaign Of Mitt Romney: A Man The Nation Will Hopefully Never Hear From Again

 

Ron Paul Elected Ruler Of Planet Inhabited By 1 Billion Tiny Ron Pauls: ‘You Are Our Supreme Leader,’ Legions Of Miniature Pauls Say In Unison

NEW TEXAS, GALAXY OF LIBERTARIUS—In the largest political victory of his career, Rep. Ron Paul (R-TX) was elected Supreme Ruler of the planet of New Texas today, a remote, fiscally conservative planet populated by 1 billion tiny versions of himself.

“My people, I stand before you today to announce that I, Ron Paul of Earth, accept this position as your planet’s benevolent ruler,” said Emperor-elect Paul, smiling before millions of 18-inch-high Ron Pauls, who alternately applauded, cheered, and chanted, “You are our supreme leader,” at a victory rally held minutes after the Ron Paul News Network declared him the projected winner of the 2012 election. “From this day forth, the planet of New Texas shall be a veritable utopia for Ron Pauls of all sizes.”

Standing below the 50-foot solid-gold Ron Paul statue that adorns the city plaza of Paulville, New Texas’ capital city, Paul thanked the crowd and promised to “do right by the people of New Texas, who made the right choice at the polls today.” Ten minutes of sustained applause later, Paul took a moment to raise his campaign manager, Ron Paul CCN-14139-093, to eye level and personally thank him for “knocking this one out of the park.” Paul then thanked his wife, Carol, and their five children who, not being Ron Paul, will live in orbit around New Texas. Read the full story here.

Daniel Kurtzman:

Trump is not giving up. When it was announced that President Obama easily won the Electoral College, Trump demanded to see Obama’s Electoral College records.” –Jay Leno

“A victory like this is just the kind of thing that might sway the undecided voters.” –David Letterman

“The presidential election is that special time every four years when Americans gather around their TVs to be reminded where the states are on a map.” –Jimmy Kimmel

“The illegal electioneering went all the way to the ballot itself. All over the country, what did voters have to do on their scantron sheets? Fill in an ‘O.’ Huh, where have I seen that before? And no surprise, it starts out white and you’re forced to fill it in black.” –Stephen Colbert

“Obama’s been getting bipartisan praise for how he handled the hurricane. Even Fox News tried to praise it. Of course, they’re heart’s not in it. The best they could do was Pat Buchana said, “You’re doing a heck of a job, Brownie.’” –Bill Maher

“They also on Fox News questioned the timing of the benefit. They said, what’s the rush? I know, when will liberals get it? Storm victims do not want food and blankets, they want answers about Benghazi.” –Bill Maher

Journalists certainly aren’t doing their job for the money. These magnificent, opinionated, well-informed treasures of the public square have a voice, and views, and want to be heard. Fair enough: the Fourth Estate is just that, a critical element of our republican system of government. But let’s not pretend (if anyone is) that the cover of today’s newspaper was about keeping the citizenry informed. It was about power politics.

Many expected Warren, freed from the attacks of her tough campaign, might be more expansive in discussing the meaning of her victory and the issues she will face in her new job. Traditionally such postelection press conferences are an opportunity for the triumphant candidate to look forward with relish to the challenges to come and reflect on the lessons of the campaign.

Instead, Warren, looking out on a large press corps eager to hear from the state’s new political star, brushed aside several questions, including ones about how to cope with the looming “fiscal cliff,” a yearend deadline to avoid tax increases and large spending cuts.

This is your SENATOR ELIZABETH WARREN open thread. Kudos to you, BMGers: you saw the opportunity for Warren first, seized it hardest, and worked for it with heart and soul and keyboards.

Victory is ours, according to NBC and others, and it is SWEET.

So if you’re like most Americans and crave instant, immediate gratification treat yourself: get your friend, family member or co-worker off the couch, home an hour early, into the voting booth on their lunch break — whatever works — and earn a vote today for Warren. Victory is sweet. Defeat leaves the taste of ashes. Put a smile on your face tonight and do whatever you can to make sure that those close to you VOTE today, right now.

Then, to add to the glow, post your story here. And, when you yourself vote, PLEASE POST TURNOUT NUMBERS IN THE COMMENTS, and include your town and precinct number. To get those numbers, ask the poll workers after you vote: turnout, town and precinct. A minute or two is all it takes.

Campaign staff are monitoring BMG, as they do all media outlets, and will use the information you post to help target resources.

Our Senate election will be close. Every vote matters. This is something tangible you can do to help ensure a Warren win.

The BMG Election Day open thread continues here. Go Warren. Go Obama. Go all the other races and ballot initiatives we have discussed endlessly here, and Go America.

Onion:

Increased Negative Campaigning Reveals Previously Hidden Ugly Side Of Politics

WASHINGTON—Shocked and disillusioned sources across the nation reported feeling a “loss of innocence” last week when, for the first time in the country’s history, increased negative campaigning began to reveal a long-hidden ugly side of American politics. “Like all of us, I believed our elected representatives considered themselves honor-bound to present public policy matters to the American people in as clear and truthful a manner as possible,” said Omaha resident and mother of four Melanie Jenkins, describing “the dark, secret underbelly” suddenly exposed for the first time this past week in the misrepresentations and outright lies of political ads and speeches. “But now it appears something sinister is afoot in our civic discourse. How long has this deliberate manipulation of voters been going on right under our noses?” At press time, Americans reportedly became even more distressed after realizing that money may actually play a large and detrimental role in our political process.

Daniel Kurtzman:

“Italy’s former prime minster Sylvia Berlusconi has been sentenced to four years in prison for tax evasion. You know what you get in America for tax evasion? The Republican presidential nomination.” –Jay Leno

“Everybody’s mind is on Hurricane Sandy. The worst is over. Now people are discussing the cause. Sources say that it was partly caused by global warming. Meanwhile, Fox News said it was caused by two men kissing in Central Park.” –Conan O’Brien

“This storm could mean the biggest power outage since the Yankees in the playoffs.” –David Letterman

Heartbeat: My Involuntary Miscarriage and ‘Voluntary Abortion’ in Ohio

On June 19, the state of Ohio declared that I had a voluntary abortion. My rabbi and my doctors disagreed. I simply wanted to be pregnant.

The ordeal began two weeks earlier; I was in stirrups. The sonogram technician needed more images. When she got them she looked ashen. “You should see a doctor today,” she emphasized as she handed me the printed image of my 13-week-old baby or fetus, I still don’t know what word to use. “But there is a heartbeat. Thank god there is a heartbeat,” I mumbled. I had been here before. But last time, during my first pregnancy, there was no heartbeat.

I waited. I overheard the technician as she looked at the screen with the doctor, “this is bad, this is really bad.” He wasn’t my doctor, but he had a soft voice with a southern kick that I liked. He saw me, gestured for me to come to his office, and referred to the ailing life in my belly as a baby. “This isn’t good,” he whispered. “It’s really not. Let me show you.” He was kind but clear. “The organs are not inside the baby’s body. The hands and feet are curled, actually one limb seems to be stunted or missing. The neck isn’t right. This really doesn’t look good.” I looked at the expanded sonogram on his desk. I saw the hands turned in, the area that he referred to as the organs, the dead space where there should be a limb. Minutes ago, I had looked at this same image and smiled. “I don’t understand,” I replied. “What do I do now?” “Why don’t you wait a week,” he offered. “I don’t understand,” I repeated, “can the baby survive? Can these problems be solved? I don’t understand exactly what you are telling me.” “No, I don’t think so,” he said finally, “but there are always miracles.”

I was withered, but functional. I knew this could happen and knew that I could recover. I had been blessed with a healthy child in between and felt, in my Nana’s words, “Why should this be easy?” I decided to wait out the week. Looking pregnant, I returned to work, still hoping that maybe with more quiet time, with more love, next week the baby would be better. As I sat down at my desk, my own doctor called. To him, it was a fetus. “Tamara, I have looked at the scans and I have shown the scans to doctors in my office. I want to tell you that we all agree that this fetus is not compatible with life. It will not survive the pregnancy. You should get it removed immediately. The longer you wait the more risks are involved.” I hung up the phone.

The idea of “removing” my baby, my fetus, while its heart was still beating was simply unbearable. Was it living? Was it still growing? Would I be stopping the heartbeat, cutting short its life? And what do I do after the operation? Do I bury it? I didn’t understand what I had inside of me and I didn’t understand what I should do. I called a dear friend, an Orthodox rabbi, who I knew would be both compassionate and firm. After consulting with his rabbi, he said the case was clear. In situations where the mother’s health is at risk and the fetus (he explicitly said fetus) is not viable, Jewish law errs on the side of the mother’s health. I should have the operation and I should not bury the fetus — it is not a life.

The next morning I got the following message, “Because your fetus still has a heartbeat, it has been our experience that insurance companies in Ohio will not cover the costs of the operation. They consider it an optional abortion. Our office suggests that you go to Planned Parenthood, which will only run you $800. If you go to the hospital it will be over $10,000.” I was stunned. What did my insurance company want, for me to have a dangerous late-stage miscarriage or go through the risks of labor to give birth to a stillborn? And why this obsession with the heartbeat as the sole marker of life? What about organ and brain function, what about viability? At that moment, I was extremely grateful for Planned Parenthood. But I still didn’t want to go there. I wanted to support them, but I didn’t want to have an abortion. I didn’t even want to have anything that seemed like an abortion. I wanted to be pregnant. I wanted to have a baby.

My home morphed into a crazy lair of pencil scribbling, tissues and phone numbers. For three days we fought. My husband, my parents and my doctors made phone calls, wrote letters and tried every avenue possible to get the insurance company to change their mind. Finally, three days later, we got the news. Because of my doctor’s carefully crafted letter, my insurance company would cover the procedure.

I thought the political nightmare was over. I thought I could start the process of mourning. I was wrong.

Read the whole piece here.

1. Know where to go. You may be voting in a different place from previous years. Go to wheredoivotema.com and enter the address where you are registered or call 1-800-462-8683. Don’t vote in the wrong place – your ballot will not be counted.

2. Know how you’ll get there. Will you walk? Take a bus? Drive? Get directions now, not on Election Day.

3. Know who will be with you. All your neighbors are voting, too. Expect a short wait, especially if you vote during morning or evening rush hours. Polls are open from 7:00am to 8:00pm.

4. Know what to expect. When you walk in, you will be asked for your name and address, and then you will be given your ballot. Take your time to fill it out. When you finish, you will be asked for your name and address again. Then you slide your ballot into the voting machine. That’s it.

5. Don’t be late, be there by 8. If you are in line at 8:00pm, you will be allowed to vote. After 8:00pm, you won’t be able to vote. Don’t take the risk – arrive early.

6. Don’t get fooled by false myths. It doesn’t matter if you have unpaid parking tickets or a criminal record, if you are on probation or on parole, or if you are homeless. Every free, registered citizen has the right to vote in Massachusetts.

7. Bring a friend or your child. No child care? No problem. You can bring most anyone you choose with you into the polls. Bringing your child is a great way to teach them to be responsible.

8. Bring ID. Most people don’t need it, but bring it just in case. Your ID does not need to have a photo, but it does need to show the address where you are registered. A MA license will work, but so will a paycheck, a recent utility bill or a bank statement. Know that if you don’t bring ID, you still have the right to vote.

9. Vote early. If you can’t get to the polls because of illness, disability, or religious belief, or if you’ll be out of town on Election Day, vote absentee. You can vote absentee in person at your city or town hall until noon on Monday.
10. Know your choices. Your ballot will probably be double-sided and have multiple pages. You don’t have to vote in every race – but don’t accidentally miss voting for ballot questions or races that matter to you. You have the right to get up to two replacement ballots if you make a mistake. See your ballot at www.wheredoivotema.com. Learn about the major ballot questions at www.massvote.org/questions

Poll workers are there to help. There will be about half a million people voting for the first time. If you need help for any reason, you have the right to get help from the poll workers. If you have any problem voting, call 1-866-OUR-VOTE, the national nonpartisan Voter Assistance Hotline sponsored by the Lawyers Committee for Civil Rights under Law.

The Governor actually says That Which Cannot be Mentioned:

“Anyone who thinks that there is not a dramatic change in weather patterns is denying reality,” Mr. Cuomo said. “We have a new reality, and old infrastructures and old systems.”

The corporate media blackout on the phrases “global warming” and “climate change” in the context of Hurricane Sandy is extraordinary. Even WBUR’s Tom Ashbrook, who should be able to speak sensibly if anyone can, appeared unable to connect A (a “once in a generation storm” — heh, we’ll see about that) to B (global climate change). He did get jolly close when, on the one hand, a top NASA scientist was explaining that climate change is happening while, on the other, a random caller armed with his own “Internet research and stuff” was bravely asserting there has been no climate warming for the past 17 years.

A vivid example of the narrowness of contemporary public discourse in the corporate media (and even national non-profits like NPR), constant self-congratulatory assertions that Americans have a wide range of views in their media notwithstanding.

Each state, just like each person, would be on its own, so Maryland and New York would have to pay in full for their foolish decision to be located on the coasts.

“Divided, we fall:” the credo of Scott Brown, Tisei and Romney’s Republican party.

HuffPo (re-confirmed yesterday at 10:04 PM by a Romney spokesperson as the candidate’s official fanatic policy):

During a CNN debate at the height of the GOP primary, Mitt Romney was asked, in the context of the Joplin disaster and FEMA’s cash crunch, whether the agency should be shuttered so that states can individually take over responsibility for disaster response.

“Absolutely,” he said. “Every time you have an occasion to take something from the federal government and send it back to the states, that’s the right direction. And if you can go even further, and send it back to the private sector, that’s even better. Instead of thinking, in the federal budget, what we should cut, we should ask the opposite question, what should we keep?”

“Including disaster relief, though?” debate moderator John King asked Romney.

“We cannot — we cannot afford to do those things without jeopardizing the future for our kids,” Romney replied. “It is simply immoral, in my view, for us to continue to rack up larger and larger debts and pass them on to our kids, knowing full well that we’ll all be dead and gone before it’s paid off. It makes no sense at all.”

The economy is slowly recovering from the 2008 meltdown, and the country could suffer another recession if the wrong policies take hold. The United States is embroiled in unstable regions that could easily explode into full-blown disaster. An ideological assault from the right has started to undermine the vital health reform law passed in 2010. Those forces are eroding women’s access to health care, and their right to control their lives. Nearly 50 years after passage of the Civil Rights Act, all Americans’ rights are cheapened by the right wing’s determination to deny marriage benefits to a selected group of us. Astonishingly, even the very right to vote is being challenged.

That is the context for the Nov. 6 election, and as stark as it is, the choice is just as clear.

President Obama has shown a firm commitment to using government to help foster growth. He has formed sensible budget policies that are not dedicated to protecting the powerful, and has worked to save the social safety net to protect the powerless. Mr. Obama has impressive achievements despite the implacable wall of refusal erected by Congressional Republicans so intent on stopping him that they risked pushing the nation into depression, held its credit rating hostage, and hobbled economic recovery.

Mitt Romney, the former governor of Massachusetts, has gotten this far with a guile that allows him to say whatever he thinks an audience wants to hear. But he has tied himself to the ultraconservative forces that control the Republican Party and embraced their policies, including reckless budget cuts and 30-year-old, discredited trickle-down ideas. Voters may still be confused about Mr. Romney’s true identity, but they know the Republican Party, and a Romney administration would reflect its agenda. Mr. Romney’s choice of Representative Paul Ryan as his running mate says volumes about that.

Borowitz:

GOP split over whether to emphasize misogyny or racism

NEW HAMPSHIRE (The Borowitz Report)—With less than two weeks to go until Election Day, there is a deep divide among Republican leaders over whether to emphasize misogyny or racism as the campaign’s closing theme.

In one camp is the Indiana Senate candidate Richard Mourdock, who says that his view that God is sometimes O.K. with rape is “gaining real traction with a key demographic: men who don’t like women very much.”
“I can’t tell you how many misogynists have come up to me at my rallies and said, ‘Thank you for saying what you said,’ ” he told reporters today. “I think they’re like, finally, someone’s taking a more nuanced position on rape.”

But in the other camp is the former New Hampshire governor John Sununu, who worries that the Republican Party’s emphasis on misogyny is threatening to drown out its “winning message of racism.”

“I understand the appeal of Mourdock’s anti-woman theme, but I worry that it’s going to overshadow our core value of racism, which is still our best shot at winning this thing,” he said. “In politics, you’ve got to dance with the one who brung you.”

Hoping to heal a possible rift with so little time left until Election Day, the R.N.C. chairman Reince Priebus said today that there is room for both views in today’s Republican Party: “Our ‘big tent’ message to voters should be this: come for the misogyny, stay for the racism.”

Kurtzman:

Jay Leno to Obama: “What’s this thing with Trump and you? It’s like me and Letterman. I don’t get it.”
Obama: “This all dates back to when we were growing up together in Kenya.”

“Last night President Obama finally found a Republican who agreed with him — Mitt Romney.” –Jay Leno

“Oh please, Mr. President. Everyone plays by the same set of rules — and at the end of the game the rich flip over the board and yell, “I win!” –Stephen Colbert

Onion: “‘Ah, That Makes A Lot More Sense,’ Says Man Who Previously Thought Chant Was ‘Four More Ears’”

Scott Brown is trying to hide his record of obstructing President Obama’s agenda, claiming to be concerned about climate change at a recent debate despite the fact he’s voted to permanently prevent EPA scientists from curbing dangerous global warming pollution. As part of his 278 votes against President Obama, Brown has repeatedly voted to roll back Clean Air Act safeguards helping to combat climate change. …

As the Boston Globe noted, Brown “voted to strip the EPA of its authority to regulate greenhouse gases.” In 2011, Brown voted for an amendment that would “prohibit the Administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency from promulgating any regulation concerning, taking action relating to, or taking into consideration the emission of a greenhouse gas to address climate change.”  One year earlier, Brown voted to move similar legislation forward that would also block all Clean Air Act limits on global warming pollution.

Now is the time to man up, Scott, and take responsibility for the votes you have taken, not try to hide from your record.

And suddenly, President Obama has become the responsible vote for people committed to the country. Romney is a wild-eyed beauty pageant contestant.

The Final Debate: New York Times Editorial

Mitt Romney has nothing really coherent or substantive to say about domestic policy, but at least he can sound energetic and confident about it. On foreign policy, the subject of Monday night’s final presidential debate, he had little coherent to say and often sounded completely lost. That’s because he has no original ideas of substance on most world issues, including Syria, Iran and Afghanistan.

During the debate, on issue after issue, Mr. Romney sounded as if he had read the boldfaced headings in a briefing book — or a freshman global history textbook — and had not gone much further than that. Twice during the first half-hour, he mentioned that Al Qaeda-affiliated groups were active in northern Mali. Was that in the morning’s briefing book?

At other times, he announced that he had a “strategy” for the Middle East, particularly Iran and Syria, and really for the whole world, but gave no clue what it would be — much like his claim that he has a plan to create 12 million jobs and balance the budget while also cutting taxes, but will not say what it is. At his worst, Mr. Romney sounded like a beauty pageant contestant groping for an answer to the final question. “We want a peaceful planet,” he said. “We want people to be able to enjoy their lives and know they’re going to have a bright and prosperous future and not be at war.”

He added that the United States “didn’t ask for” the mantle of global leadership but was willing to wear it. We wondered what Ronald Reagan would have thought of that.

Mr. Romney’s problem is that he does not actually have any real ideas on foreign policy beyond what President Obama has already done, or plans to do. He supports the planned withdrawal from Afghanistan — and was quick to insist on Monday night that he would pull out by 2014. He thinks there should be economic sanctions on Iran, and he thinks the United States should be encouraging Syrian opposition forces that seem moderate. Mr. Romney said he would work with Saudi Arabia and Qatar on this, but those governments are funneling arms to the jihadist groups that he says he abhors.

The president kept up the attack at virtually every opportunity, showing no sign of the oddly disconnected Barack Obama who lost the first debate. When Mr. Romney called for spending more money on the military than the United States can afford or the military wants, Mr. Obama moved in: “You mentioned the Navy, for example, and that we have fewer ships than we did in 1916. Well, Governor, we also have fewer horses and bayonets.” Mr. Romney tried to revive the

Republican claim that Mr. Obama conducted an “apology tour” at the start of his presidency, which Mr. Obama correctly called “the biggest whopper” of a campaign that has been filled with them. And he took a dig at Mr. Romney’s recent world travels. “When I went to Israel as a candidate,” he said, “I didn’t take donors, I didn’t attend fund-raisers.”

Mr. Romney tried to say that the president had “wasted” the last four years in trying to stop Iran’s nuclear weapons program. But Mr. Obama said, “We’ve been able to mobilize the world. When I came into office, the world was divided. Iran was resurgent. Iran is at its weakest point, economically, strategically, militarily.”

Mr. Romney tried to set himself apart from Mr. Obama on Iran, but ended up sounding particularly incoherent. At one point he said he would indict President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad on genocide charges. He gave no clue how he would do that; like many of his comments, it was merely a sound bite.

Mr. Obama hit Mr. Romney hard on his ever-shifting positions on world affairs, including comments he made in 2008 disparaging the idea that killing Osama bin Laden should be a priority. “You said we should ask Pakistan for permission,” Mr. Obama said. “If we had asked Pakistan for permission, we would not have gotten it.”

Mr. Romney’s closing statement summed it all up. He said almost nothing about foreign policy. He moved back to his comfort zone: cheerfully delivered disinformation about domestic policy.

Borowitz:

ROMNEY SETS NEW PERSONAL BEST FOR FAKING EMPATHY

HEMPSTEAD, NY (The Borowitz Report)—Republican Presidential nominee Mitt Romney set a new personal record tonight by pretending to care about average Americans for nearly ninety minutes.

Mr. Romney began the second Presidential debate by simulating concern for a college student named Jeremy’s employment future and maintained a consistent level of feigned concern on a variety of subjects for the remainder of the night.

“It was an awesome display of stamina,” said Mr. Romney’s running mate, Paul Ryan, who watched Mr. Romney pretending to be empathic from a shelter in Virginia, where Mr. Ryan was pretending to feed a homeless orphan. …

Throughout the evening, Mr. Romney traded barbs with President Obama, the first black person he has talked to since his speech at the N.A.A.C.P.

Onion:

Millions Head To Internet To Figure Out Their Own Opinions About Debate

NEW YORK—Following tonight’s debate between President Barack Obama and Republican challenger Mitt Romney, millions of Americans took to the Internet to read the views and responses of others so that they themselves could ultimately figure out how they felt about the candidates’ performances. “I need to see what complete and total strangers are saying on Twitter and Facebook, read what the political pundits on CNN.com are writing, and then maybe I can reach my own conclusion about the debate I just watched,” said Raleigh, NC resident Jarrod Kakofski, adding that while he has a “gut feeling” about who won the contest, he would rather see if those thoughts are supported by political analysts and other online commentators “just in case [his] opinion ends up being wrong.” “I won’t be able to offer any ideas about the candidates’ policy proposals, body language, or overall relatability until I get online and am told which person I was supposed to like most.” Viewers nationwide also confirmed they would need to consult The Huffington Post before deciding what they thought about the performance of debate moderator Candy Crowley.

The Russian translation is pictured, but I’ll be speaking in English.

For a detailed explanation of how the Romney-Ryan tax plan is able to cut taxes by $5 trillion without raising taxes on the middle class or exploding the deficit, click here.

First, a brief digression courtesy of the Herald: a group of Brown supporters is paying homeless men in Roxbury to stand with Brown signs:

A group with the startling moniker “Obama Supporters for Brown” showed up in Dudley Square yesterday … organizers acknowledged they were paying modest “per diems” to homeless people and others to wear the T-shirts in an area where civic leaders have come out strong for Elizabeth Warren.

Now, have at it with debate commentary.

Congressman Barney Frank statement about Sean Bielat’s 180 on Frank’s record

I have long realized that even impending absence can make the heart grow fonder so I have not been surprised to hear nice things said about my record as my retirement nears.

But I had not expected kind words from Sean Bielat, who ran against me in 2010 and who spent the campaign in a long, sustained, distorted attack on my record.  I was particularly surprised to find that Mr. Bielat now poses as an admirer some of my work. When we ran against each other in 2010, Mr. Bielat accused me of insulting my constituents and ignoring their needs.  But now, two years later, he claims that I was such an effective advocate for my constituents that this fact was a significant obstacle for him in that campaign.   Similarly, in 2010 he was very dismissive of my work on behalf of the fishing industry.  Now, two years later, he has decided that I am a model advocate for the fishermen.  Although I understand that Mr. Bielat is drastically changing his stated views because he very much fears a second consecutive loss, I object to his using me in what I think is a dishonest fashion.

During the Republican primary earlier this year, when Mr. Bielat was accused by his Republican opponents of a lack of transparency in his personal financial dealings, he responded that even I had not questioned his integrity.  But in fact there are a number of aspects of Mr. Bielat’s personal finances which in my opinion demonstrate a lack of complete integrity.  For example, I believe he has consistently misrepresented his employment record since he left iRobot.  During the 2010 campaign he claimed to be a consultant who was employing other people.  I do not doubt that Mr. Bielat was receiving income from someone, but I do not believe that he had employees or that serious consulting work was going on.  This does not mean that anything illegal was happening and I have no reason to believe that and do not assert it.  But I do think that he was receiving financial help in ways that he wished to obfuscate.

This conclusion is strongly reinforced by the information that came out during the Republican primary in which Mr. Bielat was forced, clearly unhappily, to reveal that he is receiving a salary that would appear to approach $150,000 a year for what seem to be minimal duties as the “CEO” of an obscure, insignificant right wing blog (although he inaccurately tried to describe it as non-partisan.)  It is Mr. Bielat’s legal right to receive funding from political supporters as long as it is reported as taxable income, which I am sure that it was, but disguising it is not appropriate.  That clearly applies as well to his decision to pay himself a campaign salary.  While this is legal, I don’t think it is healthy for our political system to allow people to run for office, solicit others for donations, and then use those donations in part for purely personal expenses.

It has also become clear to me that during the final weeks of the 2010 campaign Mr. Bielat was violating the federal election laws by the nature of his reporting.  As he has noted, between the time he won the primary until the day of the general election, he received contributions in the millions of dollars – far more than he had received in the longer period before the primary.  I immodestly attribute that as much to the right wing’s determination to defeat me as to Mr. Bielat’s personal appeal, but the relevant fact is that he failed to report the sources of those funds in the way the law requires.  He now says that at the time he was overwhelmed because more money came in than he could account for.  That is a strange admission from a man who has touted his business experience as a major reason to vote for him.  And the effect was to allow him to receive substantial funds from various interests from all over the country without having to reveal, as required by law, the occupations of those contributors.  He was subsequently rebuked for the FEC.

It has also been reported that Mr. Bielat sold a list of his campaign donors and pocketed funds that should have gone to his campaign.  I understand that he now reports that he – retroactively again – noted that the proceeds were a payment of a debt to him.  But the debt in question was the aforementioned salary that he was paying himself.  It seems clear to me that he sold the donor list through his campaign and put the money to personal use.  He apparently did this without taking note of the fact that the list was an asset of the campaign – only when he was queried about it by the press did he decide that it had in fact been a debt.  It should be noted that this is consistent with his decision two years ago deliberately – as he acknowledged – to conceal until after the election the fact that he was paying himself a salary, because he feared that it would hurt him in the eyes of voters if they found out about it.  That is precisely why the election laws require that this information be made public before the election – so that voters can decide what they think is or is not relevant.

Mr. Bielat has also demonstrated a serious lack of intellectual honesty.  When he and I debated in 2010 he simply refused to state his positions on a number of important issues.   In particular, he dodged questions about his position on the extent to which abortion should be outlawed.  He also ducked questions about the rights of lesbians, gays, bisexual and transgender people, particularly with regard to marriage.  In both cases he asserted, wholly implausibly, that these were not federal issues and therefore his views were irrelevant, stating at one point that abortion would not be voted on in Congress and his views were therefore irrelevant.  A day or two later I remember reading an article in the New York Times – I think generated by the Todd Aiken controversy – that there had been eleven votes on the subject of abortion in the last Congress.  These are of course exactly the votes which Mr. Bielat had claimed would never exist, as is, for example, the vote on a Republican motion to reaffirm the Defense of Marriage Act which passed over strong Democratic opposition.

Finally, in light of Mr. Bielat’s own murky employment history for the past three and half years, his dismissal of Joe Kennedy’s work experience can only be explained as a denigration of the importance of having intelligent, well-motivated people serve as prosecutors in our justice system. Mr. Bielat’s dismissal of Joe Kennedy’s experience as an Assistant District Attorney is consistent with his flip denigration of the Peace Corps.  Private sector work is very important in our society, but so is work in the public sector – Mr. Bielat does not appear to appreciate that a balance between the two is needed.  And questions about Mr. Bielat’s own work history leave him in no position to take issue with Mr. Kennedy’s experience.

Jon Stewart from the Rumble with Billy O’:

 ”I’m here to plead to the mayor of Bullsh*t Mountain. Talk to your people!”

While discussing cutting funding for PBS: “Give me back the $800 billion for the Iraq war and children’s television is on the house.”

“The first sentence of the Constitution mentions unions and welfare. I don’t know what to tell ya.”

Stewart’s advice for young people:”Everybody talks about the entitlement generation. There is no time I would rather live in than now. …There’s a tendency to live in a nostalgic state in this country, and think that other generations possessed an integrity and a tenacity better than the generation that is now. I wholeheartedly disagree with that, and I believe this is a group that will rise up to any challenge that comes before them, as well as any other generation in America would have done. My advice to them would be to please don’t think of me as an entitled moocher when I’m collecting my government benefits.”

Onion:

Justice Ginsburg Throws Party While 120-Year-Old Parents Away For Weekend

ALEXANDRIA, VA—With her parents leaving town to celebrate their 98th wedding anniversary, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg made plans Friday for a major house party, inviting all her Supreme Court colleagues to what she promised would be “a classic Ginsburg throwdown.” …

According to sources, Justices Antonin Scalia, Anthony Kennedy, Samuel Alito, Stephen Breyer, and Clarence Thomas arrived first, catching a ride to the party in the open-backed Jeep Wrangler of Chief Justice John Roberts, who had earlier persuaded his older sister Kathy to buy beer. Justices Sotomayor and Kagan showed up shortly thereafter, having taken longer than expected to dupe their parents into thinking they were sleeping over at each other’s houses.

Though David Souter had hoped to drive down from New Hampshire and party with the court “like old times,” the retired justice told reporters he had to cancel when his plan to “squeeze some gas money out of the old man” fell through. …

Witnesses reported that at approximately 1 a.m., the revelry came to a grinding halt when a police car was spotted in the driveway, prompting the nine members of the highest court in the land to scatter into the woods behind the house.

After an initial scramble by the justices to hide the weed and reach a consensus on whether law enforcement in this instance had probable cause to search persons for possession of a controlled substance, Ginsburg, who was the most sober and once served as general counsel for the American Civil Liberties Union, was nominated to the do the talking.

“The cops were pretty cool and let me off with a warning to keep the noise down and make sure everyone got home safe,” Ginsburg said. “It’s a good thing, too, because my dad would have really let me have some 19th-century discipline if he found out I had people over.”

The foreign policy group is overseen by Kerry Healey, who served as lieutenant governor under Mr. Romney in Massachusetts.

The GOP appears to be collapsing before our eyes into a rag-tag collection of nativists, birthers, and “as you can see, she’s not” quack ethnologists. Kerry Healey may be a lot of things — “you’ll be raped in a garage” attack ad aficionado, Beverly millionaire, a leader of Massachusetts’ “angry 13%” — but to the best of my knowledge she has no foreign policy expertise that warrants putting her in such a role (hat tip, Rob Eno, who reminded me of her work helping to train women attorneys in Afghanistan). She did go to school in Ireland. Maybe someone can explain the Romney campaign’s thinking in the comments.

Obama for America explains the consequences of GOP cronyism when the national interest is on the line:

“Unemployment stuck above 8 percent.”

In reality, of course, the national unemployment rate is 7.8 percent. I understand the mailer was printed somewhere back in time, but that is how Brown’s entire campaign is shaking out: an attempt to re-run the last election. Like the barn coat and truck, his pitch has a “been there, done that” feel that doesn’t match contemporary reality.

Brown’s decision to abandon Mr. Nice Guy to rally The 13 Percent — the Commonwealth’s registered Republicans — combined with his reliance on dated rhetoric is part of the reason he is dropping in the polls. You can fill in the rest of the reasons in the comments.

[J]ust 24 hours ago every pundit in the country couldn’t stop gushing over Mitt Romney’s debate performance. But now everyone is talking about Romney’s lies, about how he wants to fire Big Bird, and about the unemployment rate dropping below 8%.

The national discussion changed, and I couldn’t be prouder of the role the Daily Kos community played in making that happen. Progressives felt like we needed to fight back, so we came to Daily Kos to find great content, write great content, and share it with friends and family. The result was that more than one million Americans read Daily Kos articles about Mitt Romney’s lies yesterday, and we had our second best day of website traffic ever.

BMG, for our part, had 10,590 unique visitors on Monday, the day of the Brown-Warren debate, 160,661 unique visitors in the past month, and 1,246,399 unique visitors in the past year, according to Google Analytics (which unfortunately we haven’t been able to figure out how to share, yet). The “Scott Brown war whoops and tomahawk chop” video we posted 10 days ago has 188,379 views and the Scott Brown “Bay State Birther” clip where he implies President Obama was born out of wedlock has 88,242 views.

These are audiences that until very recently only extremely powerful entities could access. The full consequences of this information revolution have yet to be seen.

Borowitz:

Debate Victory Validates Romney Strategy of Nonstop Lying

Onion: (as reported by Iran’s national news agency)

Reince Priebus Forced Back Into Ancient Puzzle Box After Being Tricked Into Saying Name Backwards

WASHINGTON—Startled sources at a GOP fundraiser confirmed Thursday that after being duped into saying his own name backwards, ancient elfin mischief-maker and Republican National Committee chairman Reince Priebus was cast back into the gilded puzzle box that has confined him for millennia. …

Witnesses stated that in the moments after the fateful words were uttered, Priebus reverted to his natural form as a 3-and-a-half-foot-tall wart-covered hobgoblin. As Priebus’ nose grew red and bulbous and the points of his green felt shoes coiled inward, the puzzle box—forged with images of a sword, a skull, and a jackal—shook violently on a nearby tabletop before splitting open and emitting heavy smoke and an eerie purple glow. …

“It was the strangest thing,” conservative blogger Christine Parnell said. “One second Reince was talking about the importance of a two-parent household, and the next he turned into this ugly, shrieking little troll and began levitating across the podium. But as soon as the box snapped shut around him, all the lights came back on, the wind stopped, and it was as if he never existed at all.”

Gallup Poll: Rural Whites Prefer Ahmadinejad To Obama (as reported by Iran’s national news agency)

CHARLESTON, WV—According to the results of a Gallup poll released Monday, the overwhelming majority of rural white Americans said they would rather vote for Iranian president Mahmoud Ahmadinejad than U.S. president Barack Obama. “I like him better,” said West Virginia resident Dale Swiderski, who, along with 77 percent of rural Caucasian voters, confirmed he would much rather go to a baseball game or have a beer with Ahmadinejad, a man who has repeatedly denied the Holocaust and has had numerous political prisoners executed, than spend time with Obama. “He takes national defense seriously, and he’d never let some gay protesters tell him how to run his country like Obama does.” According to the same Gallup poll, 60 percent of rural whites said they at least respected that Ahmadinejad doesn’t try to hide the fact that he’s Muslim.

Hat tip, stomv from the comments:

David Letterman:

“The debates begin tomorrow night and we’ll see Mitt and Ann Romney. Of course, you remember them as the stars of TV’s ‘Dynasty.’” –David Letterman

As long as both men are themselves, Barack Obama should do just fine.

Please share your thoughts, assessments and judgments in the comments.

Left to right: Camilla Elvis, Annie Nagle, Field Organizer, and Kacey Read: on it for truth, justice, and the American Way.

As a follow-up to Ernie’s apt post below noting the incredible drop-off in street support for Brown/Scalia this year compared with last time around, I stopped by the combined campaign’s office on Massachusetts Avenue in Cambridge this morning for a spot check on Warren’s field operation. The sign on the door said it opened at 10 am. Bang on time, I found Camilla Elvis, Annie Nagle, Field Organizer, and Kacey Read, among others, making telephone calls, handing out bumper stickers, distributing yard signs, and organizing canvassing efforts in a clean, organized, efficient work space. (Other campaigners, which at this office includes Obama for America and Marjorie Decker for State Representative, were making telephone calls).

Scott Brown, in Charlie Pierce’s memorable phrase, looks like he is wearing an office two sizes too big for him. Warren’s disciplined, organized, state-wide ground effort, by contrast, is buttoned-up and ready to go with about a month until the vote.

The stadium is sold out. David and I are sitting next to Lynn. The estimable Adam Reilly and David Bernstein are sitting in front of us. Follow Dvaid’s reporting at ThePhoenix.com. Follow Adam here on Twitter.

Don’t Throw It, Mr. Romney: The former Governor should actually try to win.

[A]lthough Romney’s political suicide is, at this point, a matter of doubt only among the delusional, it may be worth running through a few instances to outline just how egregious is his delivery.

For starters, he spent a solid two minutes insulting poor, elderly, and disabled people, suggesting that they do not have “personal responsibility and care for their lives.” He made these comments at a fundraiser hosted by a hedge-fund manager. Unsatisfied by merely offending the disadvantaged, he openly stated that he would not make any attempt to seek their votes. While he claimed not to know that he was being filmed, his monologue sounded too much like it was written by Democratic strategists—or at least someone hell-bent on making sure Romney never gets elected. One is forced to speculate that it was deliberate.

As if the heartless plutocrat routine wasn’t sufficient to cost him the election, Romney also publically disavowed any attempt to seek a resolution in the Mideast conflict, opting instead to “kick the ball down the field.” And Monday, in effort to come across as unintelligent (despite evidence to the contrary), he stated that he “do[esn’t] know why [airplane windows] don’t [open].”

Completing the circle. NYT:

Iranian News Agency Plagiarizes The Onion

Apparently unaware of the unwritten rules of both ethical journalism and satire, an Iranian news agency published an edited copy of a report from The Onion on Friday, without crediting the original or acknowledging that it was fiction.

The Fars News Agency, which is close to Iran’s powerful Republican Guard Corps, posted its version of the report on its English-language Web site under the same headline used by The Onion for the original four days earlier: “Gallup Poll: Rural Whites Prefer Ahmadinejad To Obama.”

Borowitz:

POLL: ROMNEY AHEAD IN PRESIDENTIAL RACE, SAY REPLACEMENT REFS

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—G.O.P. Presidential nominee Mitt Romney finally got some good news today as he found himself ahead of President Obama in a poll of N.F.L. replacement referees.

The survey, which immediately lifted the spirits of the Romney campaign, was taken among replacement refs on the field during N.F.L. games that they were supposed to be officiating last Sunday and Monday…

ROMNEY IN FINAL PUSH TO ALIENATE REMAINING VOTERS

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report)—With just forty-three days to go until the election, Mitt Romney is in a race against time to offend the few voters he has not already alienated, his campaign manager said today.

“So far, Mitt’s efforts to make voters dislike him have gone exactly as planned,” said the campaign manager Matt Rhoades. “But let’s not kid ourselves—we’ve still got a few supporters out there and we’ve got to find ways to piss them off.”

Even before last Friday’s much-trumpeted endorsement of its candidate by Mayor Tom Menino, Warren’s campaign was hitting on all cylinders in Boston’s neighborhoods. She’s had most of the city’s labor unions at her disposal for months— and some of them, like Rep. Marty Walsh’s laborers union, have been on board since last October. Menino’s nod will help boost morale and further swell Warren’s ranks— but no one should labor under the myth that key instruments of the Boston machinery were waiting for the “green light” from City Hall to do real work for Warren.

Saturday’s spectacle outside the Eire Pub — which included some foolish Florida State-style “Indian” chants from Brown’s sign-holders — is raising sensitive eyebrows along with some real and contrived outrage from Warren’s folks. But what was most notable about the day’s events in Adams Corner was just how weak Brown’s ground game is locally. For someone who supposedly spends so much time pulling pints and shooting hoops in Dorchester, Brown has failed to translate any of that into genuine, homegrown support, even in places like Neponset, which he won last time. Most of Brown’s bodies in Adams Corner last weekend were imports and some were members of the senator’s staff. They were badly outnumbered and outmaneuvered by Warren’s throng, who camped out on the corner for most of the day. What seemed at first like a bold strike on Brown’s part— defiantly wading into the Eire to signal his indifference to Menino’s endorsement— backfired.

This time, it was Brown who got caught flat-footed and overmatched.

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