On January 7th, 2008, Bush delivered a speech at the Horace Greeley Elementary School in Chicago, Illinois on the No Child Left Behind Act.. Leaving aside any discussion that forcing pre-teens to listen to him might, in some quarters, be considered cruel and unusual, he wasn’t half way into his harangue when he came up with this gem:
Look, I recognize some people don’t like accountability. In other words, accountability says if you’re failing, we’re going to expose that and expect you to change. Accountability also says that when you’re succeeding you’ll get plenty of praise.
Ok, everyone who dislikes accountability raise their hands.
What’s next? Exhorting all of us to check in the bag when we go through the drive-through because
Ok, ok, ok… They know you gonna be miles away before you find out…, ok? They know you’re not gonna turn around and go back. So, they don’t care. (lots of expletives deleted)
You Accountability haters are going to get just what you deserve, lousy schools, dumb kids and a double cheeseburger instead of your Big Mac. And don’t go crying to George if your fries are missing too!
But wait Accountability has something to say!
Ignore for the moment that adjectives, long known as the shyest of all parts of speech, rarely converse in public forums, this adnoun is going to “expose” you when your school is failing. Not the cops, not the Department of Education, and certainly not the NEA; Accountability is going to expose you. Just like all the other things that get exposed: fraud, the Mafia, chiseling politicians and sleazy sex romps by people who ought to know better. We’re adding schools and teachers to that list and it’s about time if you ask me.
Hand me my revolver, me and Accountability got’s some exposin’ to do!
Accountability is not a completely harsh mistress. If you do things right, if you slavishly follow Bush’s education policy on sex education (stop touching yourselves), and evolution (the jury’s still out) and global warming (the jury’s been hung) then Accountability has something for you – praise.
Gobs of it.
Feel better now?
To bad Bush’s “praise” never comes with any cash for luxuries like pens and pencils and books.
Update: I just got a call from Accountability who wanted me to know
“I never… had anything to do with that… guy! I can’t even… get him to answer the… door when I come knocking! (considerably more expletives deleted)
I gave him the number for Praise.