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What Is So Hard About Solving the Economic Problem?

February 3, 2009 By chimpschump

1. The federal government will immediately buy all the mortgages that have failed, are failing, or are about to fail, because of crooked mortgage brokers (I typed this expression into Google, and got 49,000 hits – pick one!) who suckered stupid people into buying houses at unrealistically low variable interest rates, then sold, repackaged, diced, sliced and tie-dyed them, such that nobody could trace who did what to whom. They will also, working hand-in-glove with the Treasury Department, the IRS and the FBI, identify anyone and everyone who was involved in ANY mortgage brokerage over the last six years, and anyone with any sign of dishonesty will have the cost taken out of their net worth. If they can’t find the money, they lock the guy up until he produces it.

2. The federal government will then sell bonds, at auction as per usual, to raise the money to back the purchase of these mortgages The interest rate will be whatever the auction yields, just as it has always been. Net eventual cost to the government? Basically, the costs of processing (sunk costs) and the interest-rate differential. (This can be positive or negative. At this time, it probably would be slightly positive; in the future, who knows?) Oh, yes, and at NO time can the bonds yield more than the average yield of a commercial bank’s CD for the equivalent term.

3. http://www.wisebread.com/watch…   Chase, and anyone else with the same larcenous ideas, will immediately stop with its credit card shenanigans, give back the federal bailout money, and give back the WAMU assets. Rather than destroy WAMU, the Feds will then restructure WAMU, such that those faithful who owned stock in same, in the amount of 2,000 shares or less, become its shareholders. (Those owning more, take a hike. You don’t get ANYTHING!) Everybody with the job of vice-president or higher at Chase will immediately undergo an FBI investigation, to determine their complicity in what gets talked about on the website cited. Those involved, even tangentially, will be relieved from their job, locked up, tried speedily (operative word, meaning, they get their day, singular, in court) on charges of felony bank fraud, and when found guilty, locked up for the maximum period allowed by law. Oh, and the Obama campaign has to give back Chase’s and Citibank’s obscene “contributions” to the inauguration fund. (Hmmmm. Wonder what gives with the Chase-Citi-Obama Connection? http://www.petercglover.com/wi…  http://www.dollarsandsense.org… )

4. No banks, car manufacturers, or other private or public companies will be given one more red cent of government money. The fact that ANY of them got it is pure Bovine Feces of the Smelliest sort! The car builders will immediately be sent a terse not modifying the terms of the government largesse they received. (I mean, hell, if a credit card company can do it, legally, surely, the feds can do it, just as legally!)

5. Congress cannot give any more money to anybody, but they will immediately set up a two-trillion-dollar trust fund, to be administered without interference by a triumvirate of Samuel Alito, Sean Hannity and Al Franken. The watchdog for this triumvirate will be Sandra Day O’Conner. The purpose of this trust fund will be to rebuild US infrastructure, and to hire unemployed people who lost their jobs as a result of the recent misbehavior by the money sector, as well as ex-bank vice-presidents, Wall-Street analysts and ex-South Dakota Senators to do the work. At fair wages for the work, of course.

I urge you to contact your Congressperson, and ask them to support CHEMP-5

Best,

Chuck

“Honesty will, in the end, always make more money than dishonesty. The Chump, ca. 2009)”

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Filed Under: User Tagged With: chase, chemp-5, citi, credit-card, stimulus, stupid, taxes, wamu

Comments

  1. kbusch says

    February 3, 2009 at 9:57 pm

    If we followed my suggestion, we wouldn’t even have to have liberals respond to this post.

    • chimpschump says

      February 4, 2009 at 12:29 am

      Some Lib’ral, out of all the billions out there, must e intelligent enough to figure this out . . .

      <

      p>Best,
      Chuck

  2. sabutai says

    February 4, 2009 at 7:29 am

    So the United States is going to take on staggering amounts of bad debt, and hopefully convert some of it into “good debt,” by way of hocking what’s left of our economy to the Chinese.

    <

    p>And then our bond status will plummet, and our interest payments on the Bush Debt will skyrocket.

    <

    p>This helps how?

    • mr-lynne says

      February 4, 2009 at 9:26 am

      … to affect stimulus, you can’t do much better than today’s interest rates.  

      <

      p>

      The basic idea is to borrow a big stack of money at our current super-low interest rates and give it to people who will buy stuff and get the economy going again.  Sometimes you do that by mailing everybody checks, also called a ‘tax rebate’. Or you could find some kind of long-term project that will make America better off, and pay people money to do it. For example, you could hire engineers and construction workers to set up high-speed rail lines and improve our nation’s transit infrastructure. Or you could hire a bunch of doctors and nurses to prevent diseases and improve public health in America.  (This is the one conservatives are making fun of.)  Both are good ideas that will make our lives better and save us money in the future, on gasoline and pharmaceuticals among other things, and we should do lots of each.

      “

      <

      p>The idea behind deficit spending is that if your are going to do it, it should be in service of some growth or at least a public good.  At these interest rates, well chosen projects that invest in the kinds of things that support growth will likely yield growth beyond the interest. The real trick… and its a doozy,… is convincing tax-cutters that when times are good again, some of that growth should go back to debt servicing in the form of taxes.  Otherwise even the best interest rates are crippling.  That is the lesson of George H. W. Bush and Bill Clinton.  You know, the one that the entire right is dead set against.

    • chimpschump says

      February 4, 2009 at 5:55 pm

       . . . “Farm-Raised Fish,” or “Made in China,” I don’t buy it.

      <

      p>Best,
      Chuck

  3. dehisce-abderian says

    February 4, 2009 at 11:34 am

    What we are seeing is a cooperative effort by both Democrats and Republicans in looting.  Anyone doubt Treasury is run by Wall Street?  No reasonable individual is thinking that the bailouts will benefit Joe Sixpack.  Our middle class is being raped by the obscenely wealthy. (Do you prefer being raped by Republicans or Democrats?)  Perhaps the “Rebate” (where our masters give back a little of our own money to us) will make us feel as if they care.  It’s as though a mugger robs you to feed his habit and, as he walks away turns around and gives you back carfare.  Are you grateful?  The people sleep.

    <

    p>Little wonder the popular media shows no news of riots in Europe and much of the rest of the world.  The looters count on our sleep.

    <

    p>Wake me up when the currency collapses.

    • lodger says

      February 4, 2009 at 7:11 pm

      Got that right, Dagney.
      Just ask Hank Reardon, he’ll tell ya.

      • dehisce-abderian says

        February 4, 2009 at 9:12 pm

        High school book, Early 60’s.  

        <

        p>Omigawd!  It came to pass.

        <

        p>;o(

  4. gary says

    February 4, 2009 at 12:41 pm

    Ok, obviously your plan will work.  But, assuming not, buy gold, guns, ammo, and one of these

    • bostonshepherd says

      February 4, 2009 at 1:24 pm

      Where?  All my sources for high-grade, self-defense factory ammo are totally SOLD OUT.  And have been since November.

      • gary says

        February 4, 2009 at 2:14 pm

    • chimpschump says

      February 4, 2009 at 6:03 pm

       . . . guns and ammo. I bought gold at two-something, and it’s helping me pay for my retirement now. As for the box, I don’t think so. My Threescore and Ten are just about up anyway, and I think I’d rather be dead than to have to live in one of those things!

      <

      p>Best,
      Chuck

  5. johnmurphylaw says

    February 5, 2009 at 1:50 am

    In fact I think it’s brilliant (seriously).

    <

    p>I thought I was a liberal, and you portray yourself as a raving conservative.  What gives?

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