Lewis Black will offer today's opening statement; he's a bit blunt, so if you, like Mr. Krabs' Mom, get all distressed when exposed to "sailor talk", just move right on past his commentary and the rest of us will be with you in just about … [Read more...]
On Music Appreciation, Part Two, Or, Records Only Have One Groove
When I asked Dangerfield how old he was he had to think for a minute. "I'm 22," he said finally, "but I used to be much older." --From "The "Hashbury" Is the Capital of the Hippies", Hunter S. Thompson If you weren't here yesterday, the … [Read more...]
On Music Appreciation, Or, I’m Taking The Day Off
The stars of midnight shall be dear To her; and she shall lean her ear In many a secret place, Where rivulets dance their wayward round, And beauty born of murmuring sound Shall pass into her face --From "Three Years She Grew", by … [Read more...]
On Really Padding The Résumé, Or, “Vote For Me! I Died In Viet Nam”
"I have fought for Queen and Faith like a valiant man and true; I have done my duty as a man is bound to do; With a joyful spirit I Sir Richard Greenville die!" And he fell upon their decks, and he died. --From "The Revenge", by Alfred … [Read more...]
Republicans Intervene In Traffic Accident, Call Settlement “Shakedown”
The facts of the case are as follows: Ms. Maya Normousbutt, a resident of Brighton, was taking her kids to the corn maze and haunted house at Murray Farms, also located in Brighton, when her parked vehicle was struck by another car driven … [Read more...]
On Taming The Financial Beast, Or, Sausage Gets Made, You Get To Watch
Two cows are standing in a field. One says to the other, "What do you think about this mad cow disease?" "What do I care?" says the other, "I'm a helicopter." --From "Plato and a Platypus Walk Into a Bar", Thomas Cathcart and Daniel … [Read more...]
At Black Tie Ceremony, Feith Passes Torch To Barton
Respect to your great place! and let the devil Be sometime honour'd for his burning throne. -- Duke Vincentio, from William Shakespeare's "Measure for Measure". There are probably some of you who are thinking: "That Feith name is familiar, … [Read more...]
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