Healey promises “Four More Years of Neglect, Decay” for Commonwealth

LOWELL – Lt. Governor Kerry Healey accepted the Republican convention’s

nomination for governor yesterday, promising “four more years of

head-in-the-sand, neglectful and callous leadership.”

Under a long banner which read, “The Rich Shall Inherit the Earth”,

Healey promised a long list of future accomplishments:

• “Cutting our population down to a manageable size“: by
  
  encouraging folks to move out of the state. “That’ll make more room for
  
  the rest of us!” she exclaimed.
• “Health Care for Those Rich Enough to Deserve It”: Healey
  
  stated that employers “don’t owe their workers a plugged nickel for
  
  health benefits. They’ll get nothing and like it.” Healey called on the
  
  uninsured to lay off the fries and brush their damn teeth once in a
  
  while, huh?

• “Cities and Towns: The Bootstraps Plan”: Healey called on
  
  cities and towns to cut police, fire, schools, and libraries “until it
  
  hurts. Work to the burn.”
• “Big Ticket Projects: The Oversight Plan”: Healey promised
  
  that oversight big construction projects would continue to be an
  
  oversight. She promised contractors could have “all the money they
  
  want; our wallets are open.”
• “Abolish Arithmetic”: Healey promised an income tax cut to
  
  5.0% would not result in service cuts; also promised that 2-2 would
  
  equal 4.
• “Job Growth”: Healey promised robust job growth for the
  
  states of North Carolina, Nevada and Arizona.

(Yes, this is satire.)

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