Blue Mass Group

Reality-based commentary on politics.

Colbert Salutes MA Fireworks Enabler

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Conservative news analyst Stephen Colbert has named New Hampshire fireworks vendor Steve Pelkey of New Hampshire’s Atlas Fireworks Factory a “Difference Maker” for his efforts to supply Massachusettts with fireworks. Pelkey, who compares his efforts to those of the Underground Railroad and says he could be considered the “Harriett Tubman of fireworks” has located his gunpowder vending centers just north of the state line at several convenient locations.

I agree fireworks should be allowed in Massachusetts, at least for adults on the 4th of July, and perhaps New Years eve as well. Why not? We can SCUBA dive and rock climb, which has a high risk of personal injury, and allow noisy displays to celebrate Independence Day. Fireworks are fun, don’t hurt anyone when used responsibly, and like other things in life should be allowed if possible, subject to reasonable restrictions.

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  1. SCUBA and rock climbing are rarely attractive nuisances, particularly to minors.

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    SCUBA and rock climbing almost never result in severe injury to bystanders.

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    As far as I know, a fire has never been started by SCUBA gear or rock climbing gear.

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    Neither SCUBA nor rock climbing are particularly easy for minors to accomplish without some training and/or adult supervision.  SCUBA gear is heavy and hard to operate, and rock climbing walls are “guarded” by their owners for fear of lawsuit; natural cliffs are more of a problem, but not exactly prevelant in every neighborhood.  Conversely, matches or lighters aren’t hard for a 10 year old to get his hands on, and that’s all he needs to set off fireworks.

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    Fireworks are dangerous to adults, but more importantly, to children.  They’re an incredibly attractive nuisance.  Finally, Massachusetts has done a great job of providing really great, really free fireworks shows on holidays; helping to relieve society’s pressure to buy their own fireworks.

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    Comparing fireworks to SCUBA and rock climbing doesn’t make much sense.  I’d argue it makes more sense to compare fireworks to guns.  Obviously guns are more dangerous, but both are attractive nuisances, easy for kids to handle, easy for kids to operate (unsafely), easy for kids to hide, etc.

    • Consider also the issues of child labor and air pollution and, in at least one town in the Berkshires, water pollution.

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      The fireworks lovers in my neighborhood set off their prizes and leave literally hundreds of pounds of litter (filled with smelly chemical-looking residue) in the middle of the school playground and playing fields.  After all, you wouldn’t want to set off these things on your own property, or put the volatile trash in your own trash can.

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      Most importantly, they make my dog beside herself with anxiety during this season. 

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      Bah, humbug.

      • Conservatives want to control whom I can marry, with whom I might engage in sexual activity, and the manner in which that activity is engaged.

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        Liberals often seem to want to leave the above decisions to me, but want to control virtually everything else.

        • but I see it with a twist.

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          Conservatives want to save themselves from me (and my moral turpitude – who can I marry, what can I hear on the radio, where I spend their tax dollars on my crazy sex changes in prison…).

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          Liberals want to save me from myself (fireworks, seatbelt laws, forced purchase of healthcare)…

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          Whichever you find least annoying informs your political perspective.

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          Overly simple?  Yes!  But fun on a friday before a long weekend?  Of course!

          • I tried to get at something like that, but couldn’t get it as crisp as your witty post.

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            Happy 4th.

  2. Next you’ll suggest we eliminate the mandatory seat-belt law or maybe allow large wine producers to ship directly to consumers. 

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    What next? Gay marriage?

  3. “Conservative news analyst Stephen Colbert”
    That’s not what I see.

  4. efforts are akin to freeing hundreds of thousands of slaves.

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    this Fourth of July, I’ll be taking the veritable Underground Railroad that is I-93 North to New Hampshire, singing “Freedom for My People” the entire way.

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    and despite what all you wussy liberals think, fireworks don’t blow kids hands off, lazy single parents blow kids hands off.

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    which is all the more reason to support Romney-style polygamy, kids won’t be able to move an inch with 10 different mothers watching their every move.

      • I think Dr. Gonzo forgot to use the “satire” tag in his HTML code. He’s being somewhat facetious.

        • what I meant to say was:

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          and despite what all you wussy liberals think, fireworks don’t blow kids hands off, lazy, welfare-grubbin’, terrorist-lovin’, pot-smokin’, commie-pinko single parents blow kids hands off when they refuse to salute God and Bill O’Reilly.

    • The acuity of my analysis and the justice of my cause. I am delighted to be on the opposite side of Mr. McGrory on, as it happens, the same day! Thanks Frank đŸ˜‰

  6. I remember coming back to Mass. via Route 1 late in June once, and the two stores were holding impromptu displays in the respective parking lots, just shooing ’em off across Route 1 traffic.

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    Live free or die, my friends!

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    (and for the record, I do not purchase or set off fireworks.  I do sometimes buy sparklers at WalMart in Maine, tho)

    • And you have not gleefully told us how much CO2 admissions you contributed to the “cause” with that trip.  I don’t know what traffic is worse…RT 1 on the MA/NH border or the cape traffic–but you apparently found out.

  7. Folks — Colbert is as conservative as Bill O’Reilley is a progressive! I saw the video — it was very drily tounge-in-cheek. Anyone with the temerity to compare an effort to legalize the sales of fireworks to the extraordinary risks involved in the freeing of human beings through the Underground Railroad is begging to be taken down a few notches. If you still aren’t convinced, go back and look at the customers who got interviewed — particularly the gentleman who bought stuff from the subject and ended up blowing several fingers off.

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    BTW — having grown up in a state where fireworks ARE legal, I can tell you that a lot of “responsible” folks lose various body parts using these things.

      • Excellent work. Far better, I agree, than my dangerous sports analogy. And as for you, MetroWestDem, I can only nod crisply and agree that Mr. Colbert may not be exactly as he appears. Happy 4th of July to all!

      • quick: which is more dangerous — cars or guns?  Which is more dangerous for children?

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        If you said guns, you’d be wrong.  More people die, lose limbs, etc. from cars in America, so obviously they’re more dangerous.  Since the above implication is so correct, you see parents leave their loaded weapons lying around all the time, but would never see them pitch their car keys on the table where their kids might get them and go injure themselves.

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        Fireworks injuries are low, but so is fireworks usage.  We’re talking once or twice a year, and only handled by a small percentage of the population.  Of course the number of injuries are low.  The more relevant question is: what is the odds that a person will get injured nearby the usage of fireworks?  How about an unsupervised minor?

        • But the odds of death in a given year from fireworks are 1 in 57,588,244, according to my link above.  I’m thinking there’s more risk in a given year of child injury from Catholic priests than from fire works.

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          /kidding!
          //not really
          //straight to Hell for you young man

  8. drilled down so deep he appears to come out the other ideological side.  Colbert’s conservatism is a schtick–one, however, that many people believe to be authentic.  Why, just ask the guy who booked Colbert for the now-infamous White House Press Corps Dinner.  Heh. 

    • that there are people who don’t catch the irony, sarcasm, or whatever it is, in Colbert’s routine, and think he actually believes what he says. 

      • I’m still stunned that Barney Frank apparently doesn’t get Stephen Colbert’s sense of satire and irony. Seriously, of all 434 Congressmen, I’d have thought that Frank would have been the most likely to understand the Colbert Report, and the least likely to fall for his schtick.
        Then again, if I had my druthers, I’d rather that Barney understand Cape Wind, rather than The Colber Report- whaddya know, I have my druthers!

      • (if not downright appalled) by the numbers of talking heads/celebs/politicians who don’t fully get Colbert and believe his over-the-top O’Reillyesque behavior to be “true.”  And even those who do seem to understand what the show is about don’t always know what to do with Colbert.  To see Colbert in downright wicked action, watch his evisceration of Bill Kristol in the Colbert Report archives.  (Note:  I had trouble getting the video to load; I hope they fix the glitches.)

  9. …that Stephen Colbert is NOT a conservative, but a liberal that does inspired take-offs on Fox News “Commentator” Bill O’Reilly.

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    You do know that, right?

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