Blue Mass Group

Reality-based commentary on politics.

Quick Break for Depraved Sex

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“When it comes to depicting scenes of romance, however, Libby can evoke a sort of musty sweetness; while one critic deemed “The Apprentice” “reminiscent of Rembrandt,” certain passages can better be described as reminiscent of Penthouse Forum. There is, for example, Yukiko’s seduction of the inexperienced apprentice:

“He could feel her heart beneath his hands. He moved his hands slowly lower still and she arched her back to help him and her lower leg came against his. He held her breasts in his hands. Oddly, he thought, the lower one might be larger. . . . One of her breasts now hung loosely in his hand near his face and he knew not how best to touch her.

“Other sex scenes are less conventional. Where his Republican predecessors can seem embarrassingly awkward—the written equivalent of trying to cop a feel while pinning on a corsage—Libby is unabashed:

“At age ten the madam put the child in a cage with a bear trained to couple with young girls so the girls would be frigid and not fall in love with their patrons. They fed her through the bars and aroused the bear with a stick when it seemed to lose interest.

“And, finally:

“He asked if they should fuck the deer.

“The answer, reader, is yes.

“So, how does Libby stack up against the competition? This question was put to Nancy Sladek, the editor of Britain’s Literary Review, which, each year, holds a contest for bad sex writing in fiction. (In 1998, someone nominated the Starr Report.) Sladek agreed to review a few passages from Libby. “That’s a bit depraved, isn’t it, this kind of thing about bears and young girls? That’s particularly nasty, and the other ones are just boring,” she said. “God, they’re an odd bunch, these Republicans.” Unlike their American counterparts, she said, Tories haven’t taken much to sex writing. “They usually just get caught,” she said.”

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  1. …a first edition, and a paperback advance review copy, which names Cheney on the jacket (the dust jacket on the final version does not).

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    Make me an offer!  :>)

  2. Truly one of the funniest things I’ve ever heard was Stephanie Miller’s playing of Bill O’Reilly’s taped recording of his own soft-porn “novel”–and I use the term “novel” loosely in deference to DeFoe and Richardson.  I sat in the parking lot of the Coldwater Creek in Millbury, listening  to Stephanie Miller and Jim Ward comment, laughing like a crazy woman. 

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    So, I can offer you this suggestion, Bob.  The only possibility better more disturbing than actually reading this manifest butchery of both the mother tongue and human intimacy would be, of course, to hear Scooter Libby reading it aloud. 

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    Now I’ll leave you to ruminate over that rather grotesque auditory image for awhile…..heh. 

        • one link that didn’t work.  I’ll look again.

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          Truly, Bill O’Reilly intoning his own sexual prose with all the allure and gravitas of a horny newscaster is worth the effort of the search. 

        • Ohmygawd….lol……I can’t believe it:

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          Rev up the Windows Media, this worked for me

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          From Those Who Trespass by Bill O’Reilly:

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          Robo used his “product” only occasionally, but tonight was special. He had two fifteen-year-old girls who would do anything for the drug,, and he was determined to exploit the situation.

          “Say, baby, put that pipe down and get my pipe up,” Robo said to one of the girls. She was so intoxicated she had trouble standing, but Robo was her sugar daddy, and as he sat in a filthy, imitation, leather couch, there in the living room of a run-down three-bedroom apartment, she obediently performed oral sex on him.

          Five feet away, the other teenage girl sat on a mattress on the floor and watched, greedily sucking on the crack pipe Robo had passed to her. Edgar looked over and grinned, showing yellow, decaying teeth. Obviously, he preferred oral sex to oral hygiene.

          “You’re next, girl, and I want you to do her too,” he ordered. As Robo took the crack pipe back the girl groggily nodded her consent. Inhaling deeply, Robo blew the cocaine smoke out through his nose and mouth. The bitter taste left him feeling powerful, energized, and free of worry. He was bad and he was flush.

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          Thankyouthankyouverymuch. 

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