Blue Mass Group

Reality-based commentary on politics.

Santa — Democrat or Republican?

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Exhibits for Santa as Republican:

  • Wears red.
  • Overweight — clearly leaves a comfortable lifestyle.
  • Expects gifts (milk and cookies) for doing his job.
  • Focuses almost exclusively on Christians.
  • Comfortable judging people.
  • Relies on exploitative labor.
  • Prefers bio-unfriendly wrapping paper.
  • Also enjoys decorations centered around a slowly dying tree.
  • Lives in the far north (His home may be in Canada, Alaska, or Russia.  Two out of three chance.)
  • Great marketing.
  • White male, likely Christian (just going with the odds here).
  • Strongly consumerist.
  • Apparent access to lots of coal.

Exhibits for Santa as Democrat:

  • Gives people things.  Often when not deserved.
  • Believes in magic.
  • Lead agent of a conspiracy to suck the religion out of Christmas.
  • Grants wishes.
  • Workaholic.
  • Overlooks Rudolph’s differences and makes him part of the team.
  • Uses bio-fueled transport.
  • Possibly unemployed.
  • Many appearances in TV and movies — works in entertainment.

Unconclusive:

  • Has a happy marriage.
  • Hangs out in malls, enjoys talking with children.
  • Has facial hair.
  • Jolly.
  • Competent at his job.

    So what say you — and what’s your evidence?

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    • Comments

    1. You know those stuffed witch decorations that you see wrapped around trees and utility poles on Halloween?  Picture Santa, undocumented alien, embedded in the wall on the Mexican border.

    3. Has a hilarious bit on this topic at the beginning of Parliament of Whores.  I seem to recall that his position is that Santa is a Democrat (because his sole purpose in life is to hand out free goodies to people; that the receipt of the goodies is conditioned upon good behavior, but only in theory, whereas in practice everybody gets their free goodies) and that God is a Republican (emphasis on personal responsibility for sin).

    4. Santa is also, I imagine, a big proponent and a trailblazer of the domestic spying program.

    5. Radio: “He sees you when you’re sleeping/ he knows when your awake/ he knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good, for goodness sake.”
      Calvin: “Santa Claus. Kindly old elf, or CIA spook?”

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      What would we do without Calvin and Hobbes?

    6. Don’t forget, red traditionally stands for the opposite of Republican. Here’s a lyric from Arlo Guthrie (one of the songs on the flip side of “Alice’s Restaurant”):

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      p>
      Santa Claus wears a red suit,
      must be a communist
      Has a beard and long hair,
      must be an anarchist

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      p>
      What’s in that pipe that he’s smoking…?

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      I can’t remember the rest of it now, but I also recall a Cheech and Chong routine about how Santa gets those reindeer to fly…

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      As far as politics: clearly Santa belongs in the “none of the above” column.

    7. he has a throng of captive elves tioling away for him in the workshops.  they know to act chipper when the animation cameras are on.  Santa is an old style southern democrat.

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