Do you say, Stop! Stop, you lazy, fat bastard, stop doing nothing and get off your ass and do something good, because by just being your lazy, fat, stupid arrogant self, you are doing immense evil?
Is that what you say? But how would that do any good? You can’t appeal to a lazy person’s sense of virtue. It’s like telling a dog to stop pissing on the rug.
Well, ok. Let’s put it on the table then. How do you tell a dog to stop pissing on the rug?
Well, there was my father’s way. He grabbed the dog’s nose and stuffed it in front of the pile of piss and started yelling at the dog. “Bad dog! Bad dog! See that? That’s bad! Bad dog!” I’m not sure how effective it was. I’m quite certain it wasn’t effective at impressing the girl my age who was visiting our house at the time, but that’s neither here nor there.
Do you drag Trav out to see the product of his work then? Do you drag him ? where? To the piece of Boston sidewalk with spattered blood from the kid who just got beat up? To the home of the couple who can’t get married, can’t get visiting rights in the hospital? Doesn’t work, he’s a politician, he’d shed a tear for them and get back to work.
Do you show him the attack ads? Do you make him watch them until he vomits or has a moment of salvation? Clockwork Orange style, prop his eyelids open with toothpicks. Is that what you do?
Well, put aside that we can’t do that. Would it work? Would it “fix” Trav?
Maybe he’d say he was just doing his job. Maybe he’d believe it. How do you make someone have a conscience? How do you make someone have the conscience you want him to have? Same question.
Back to reality. How do you fix it? I feel like the second idea is on the right track. Except you don’t try to make him feel guilty. Impossible. But you hit him where he feels it – politically. Don’t show him the attack ads – just play them on the walls of his home, via projector from a van. Not out of anything personal for him or his family, but to create a media effect. Tie him politically to the hate movement. Pull a Karl Rove, steal some “Senator Trav” letterhead and invite all the hate groups in the country to a party at his next fundraiser. Start digging up connections between his third cousin’s husband’s uncle once removed and the Klan and get them in the papers. Forget the truth, we’re not talking about the truth. We’re talking about politics: tying Trav politically to the hate.
It’s not a one-day thing. It’s not a one-month thing. Constant sustained high-intensity effort throughout this calendar year is about the only speed this thing could have to get the desired effect in time for next year’s vote. Because it will take awhile for it to build up speed. First he’ll ignore it – in fact, everyone will. It will take a few months for the media even to begin to notice, and then Trav’s personal attention will be a few months behind that. To get to the point where he’s sweating, dodging the press, and publicly hugging gay people and stomping on any vote that even has the same syllables as oppression, comes a couple of stages after that. So each stage has to happen, well, promptly.
Remember the Ghandi (or so attributed) maxim: First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they hate you. Then you win.
Except with Trav it will be this: First he ignores you, then he laughs at you, then he hates you, then he (publicly) loves you.
Then you win.
But only if you get to work NOW.
See, Will, I thought you were going to say: Dibbi dibbi dibbi dibbi dibbi dibbi dibbi do.