The Onion, America’s Finest News Source, has once again scooped the nation’s “journalists:” “Shaking Off Amnesia, Gonzales Remembers He’s Actually Pool Salesman From Tulsa,” the newspaper reported this week.
Embattled Attorney General Alberto Gonzales’ future was thrown further into jeopardy Friday when he was accidentally struck by a boom microphone, reversing a years-long case of amnesia and causing him to remember his true identity as hotshot Tulsa, OK pool and spa salesman “Cabana Al” Gonzales.
Enlarge Image Gonzales
Gonzales asks Congress to let him return to his real career as soon as possible.
“My God, what am I doing here?” a dazed Gonzales asked reporters in what they assured him was indeed his office. “The last thing I remember is slipping on some wet redwood decking out by the Boswicks’ 16-by-48-foot in-ground El Tropico?beautiful pool, that one, with a hefty seven-percent commission attached?and then suddenly I’m waking up three years older, 25 pounds heavier, and defending my actions in the firing of eight federal prosecutors. Somebody has obviously made a really big mistake.”
“Clearly, I should not be seventh in line for the presidency,” Gonzales said. “Can I go home now?”
Click here for the complete report. I say it’s time to impeach this cretin. If using the DoJ to mount a vendetta against one’s political rivals and then lying about it isn’t an impeachable offense, what is? At a minimum, there is a credible case. What is more, the reason Bush won’t cut AGG loose is probably because he has some juicy details that 1600 wants to keep quiet. If the Democrats impeach, some of those may come to light. The crucial question: “What did the President know, and when did he know it,” is one that deserves a national review.
