Mitt, we love you!!

FORMER GOV. MITT ROMNEY, R-MASS. : Tonight marks the beginning of a comeback, a comeback for America.

I so needed this.

You know, only a week ago, a win looked like it was impossible, but then you got out and told America what they needed to hear.

Which is that you truly can fool some of the people, all of the time.

You said we would fight for every job. You said that we would fight to get health care for all Americans. You said we’d fight to secure our border. You said you’d fight for us to be able to get lower taxes for middle-income Americans and Michigan heard and Michigan voted tonight.

And yet, you went out and voted for me anyway.  Truly, I thank you…

Tonight proves that you can’t tell an American that there’s something they just can’t do, because Americans can do whatever they set their hearts on.

Tonight proves that Americans just aren’t paying as much attention to this election as you’d think.

And tonight is a victory of optimism over Washington-style pessimism.

Seriously, no one thought I could win this.  Including me.

Now, tonight, we are celebrating here in Michigan. I’ve got to tell you that.

This might be the only place I win.  I’m so happy to be here that I don’t want to leave.

Guess what they’re doing in Washington. They’re worrying, because they realize, the lobbyists and the politicians realize, that America now understands that Washington is broken. And we’re going to do something about it.

McCain is so pissed right now. He was this close to wrapping this thing up.

You see, America understands that Washington has promised that they’d secure our borders, but they haven’t. Washington told us that they would live by high ethical standards, but they haven’t. Washington told us that they’d fix Social Security.

Once, I said I supported a woman’s right to choose.

AUDIENCE: But they haven’t!

But now I don’t.

ROMNEY: Washington told us that they’d get us better health care and better education.

Once I said I supported stem-cell research.

AUDIENCE: But they haven’t!

But now I don’t.

ROMNEY: Washington told us they’d get us a tax break for the middle-income Americans.

Once I supported civil unions.

AUDIENCE: But they haven’t!

But now I don’t.

ROMNEY: Washington told us that they’d cut back on the earmarks and the pork-barrel spending, but they haven’t. And Washington told us they’d reduce our dependence on foreign oil, but they haven’t.

And who’s going to get the job done?

Face it, I’ll do anything to fend off that clown, Huckabee, and the Octagenarian who got beat at his own game in 2000 by Bush, Rove and Cheney.  I’ll just keep spinning and spinning, changing my position to square with whomever I’m talking to.  And you’ll all listen to Drudge and Michael Graham, and talk yourselves right into my brand of the truth.  Because it’s what you want to hear.  Because you’re fools.

AUDIENCE: We are!

Yes.  Yes you are.

ROMNEY: You guys, it was not very far from right here that Ann and I and our family behind us began our campaign at the Henry Ford Museum of Innovation…

Your local industry is a museum. That’s poetic.  I’ll harken back to your past, but the present and future is oversees, folks.  You all cost too much.  It’s those damn unions…

AUDIENCE MEMBER: Mitt, we love you!

ROMNEY: Wow, that’s powerful. I’ll tell you.

And I love you.

And at that Museum of Innovation, we said that we were going to take innovation and change to Washington, recognizing that there’s no way that an insider in Washington is going to turn Washington inside- out, but we’re going to do that.

There’s no way we can innovate here.  You’re screwed.

American voters said that knowing how America works is more important than knowing how Washington works. And what we’re going to see in the next few days is Democrats saying that they’re the party of change. You’re going to hear Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama and John Edwards saying that they’re the party of change, and I think that they would bring change to America, just not the kind that we want.

American voters have given up on government.  You don’t participate.  More people vote in American Idol than in elections.  And guess what!  I get it!  You don’t want to participate in Democracy! You want to be cogs in the next great American corporation!  Now that would be change! Exactly the kind of change my wealthy friends and I want.

You see, I think they take their inspiration from the Europe of old, big government, big brother, big taxes. They fundamentally in their hearts believe that America is great because we have a great government, and we do have a great government. But that’s not what makes us the best nation, the strongest nation, the greatest nation on earth. What makes us such a great nation is the American people.

You see, the Democrats still believe in the political philosophy of Locke.  Descarts.  Hobbes.  The Founding Fathers.  They believe democracy is great when the people participate.  What a crock!  People are idiots, you see it everyday!  America is great when the people fall in line behind a strong national leader who makes them feel good about themselves, and encourages them to buy 50-inch HDTVs.

I take my inspiration from Ronald Reagan and George Herbert Walker Bush…

If not my political skill…

… who took their inspiration from the American people, hardworking American people, people who believed in opportunity, who loved education, God-fearing people, people who also loved their families, people deeply patriotic. It is that characteristic of the American people that makes us the most powerful nation on Earth.

Good ol’ Ron made you people feel great about yourselves.  Isn’t it time you were placated like that again?

Ronald Reagan, George Herbert Walker Bush, said we are a great and good people. It’s exactly what we are. It’s why we will always be the most powerful nation on Earth.

Ron and George just happen to be the last two Presidents anyone really respected.  They were Republicans.

Now, you heard right here in Michigan our campaign. We said we were going to strengthen our military with additional troops and better equipment and better care for our veterans when they come home. We also said that we’re going to strengthen our families. We said we’re going to strengthen the economy. I will never accept defeat for any industry here in America. We’ll fight…

My polls show that you think there’s some connection between fighting in Iraq and strong families.  I think anyone in Iraq with a family at home would tell you different.  But whatever.

I have a couple of questions for you. Is Washington, D.C., broken?

I have a couple of questions for you.  Are you tired and cynical?

AUDIENCE: Yes!

Yes you are.

ROMNEY: Can it be fixed?

Tired enough to elect me?

AUDIENCE: Yes!

You betcha.

ROMNEY: Are we the team that’s going to get the job done?

Hook…

AUDIENCE: Yes!

Line…

ROMNEY: All right, let’s take this campaign to South Carolina and Nevada and Florida and all over the country. Let’s take it all the way to the White House.

…and sinker.

Thank you so much.

Seriously.