Blue Mass Group

Reality-based commentary on politics.

John Edwards, The Musical

By

Via McSweeneys:

(JOHN EDWARDS is in a Manhattan bar, talking to himself. Sad.)

JOHN EDWARDS

I’m running for president,

The highest office in the land.

Look, I’m right there in the mirror,

Smoothing my hair down with my hand.

I am handsome. Yes, it’s true.

And I am wealthy: that’s true, too.

But superficial things like that,

Well, they’re just not where I’m at.

You see, I care about the poor.

I often fret about their plight.

I adore the way I look

In this smoky barroom light.

(RIELLE HUNTER spots JOHN EDWARDS at the bar and approaches him.)

RIELLE HUNTER

Hi, I’m Lisa.

I mean Rielle.

Will you take me

To a hotel?

JOHN EDWARDS

Well, I never.

I’m shocked and dismayed.

My wife and children

Would feel betrayed.

Plus, there’s a special circumstance:

My wife has cancer. It’s advanced.

(JOHN EDWARDS’s phone rings.)

JOHN EDWARDS

What? That’s great.

The hand of fate

Has relaxed its stranglehold.

God’s mercy should be extolled.

(JOHN EDWARDS hangs up his phone.)

JOHN EDWARDS

Oh, wait, now she’s in remission.

I guess that means I have permission.

There’s plenty more.  

David, any chance you can sing this at your Obama concert?  You’d bring down the house!

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Comments

  1. I’m really not into saying much more than that because the situation is hurtful to so many people and the actions have consequences beyond just JRE, Elizabeth, and Lisa.

  2. isn’t aimed at the adulterer who is actually a candidate.  What shall we call the McCain muscial?  
    Fly Boy Night?  
    Johhny’s Trollop Trot? (or is that what he contracted after one of his flings?)

    • he had affairs with lobbyists including the one recently where his campaign officials had to blatantly discuss keeping her away from him.

      <

      p>I’ll look for a link unless someone else already knows her name and has the link.

      • …he had affairs with lobbyists including the one recently where his campaign officials had to blatantly discuss keeping her away from him.

        <

        p>Screw the lobbyists! About time.  

          • perhaps the difference between innuendo and evidence is lost, but here’s a quote from your link:

            <

            p>

            Academics and legal journals offered both support and criticism of the story. The editor of the American Journalism Review said while the article wasn’t entirely convincing it did put to question McCain’s reputation as a reformer.[11] The editor of the Columbia Journalism Review said the circumstances outlined in the story were sufficient to justify its publication.[12] However, a dean at the Columbia Graduate School of Journalism disagreed, saying, “[If] you haven’t covered all your bases or been transparent about where you got the information . . . then the criticism takes over and the story loses its significance.”

            <

            p>Doesn’t the story remind you so much of Clinton/Lewinsky though?  Its like they couldn’t be creative enough to come up with something new.

            <

            p>Anyhoo, let us know when you’ve got her testifying to cigar-penetration or have hold of a semen stained dress, K?

            • campaign.

              <

              p>It should be an interesting comparison.

              <

              p>Monica only gave out “favors” and created no legislation.

              <

              p>But the lobbyists working for McCain’s campaign want to get something from McCain while f******g all of us.

              <

              p>I’ll take the cigar lady-thank you very much.  Having been f****d these past eight years by hooks and crooks, I’d say enough is enough.

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