Blue Mass Group

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Weekly Joke Revue

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From Daniel Kurtzman:

“So far so good for the Obamas. The family is settled in. There’s the President and his wife and the kids and the mother-in-law. And they’re settling nicely. The only problem, the only complaint — and they don’t want to make trouble — but the only complaint is they can still hear creepy organ music coming from Dick Cheney’s dungeon.” –David Letterman

“This is kind of an awkward time for President Bush. He’s too young to retire, yet still too old to destroy the moral and economic infrastructure of another country.” –Jay Leno

“But Dick Cheney, you’ve got to give him credit. He’s enjoying his first week as a private citizen. In fact, today, he was out hunting human prey.” –David Letterman

“They’re closing Guantanamo. That’s how bad things are, ladies and gentlemen. That’s how bad the economy is. You know it’s tough, you know the economy is bad, when even the terrorists are being laid off.” –David Letterman

“Blagojevich looks like the guy that tells you you need new brake pads, you know? … He looks like an insurance salesman that keeps calling you ‘Captain.’ ‘Hey, Captain.’ … He looks like a guy who backs you up with his aftershave. Whoah! … He looks like a guy who disappears with your deposit after he takes your contracting contract … He looks like the guy who tries to set you up with his wife.” –David Letterman

“Illinois Gov. Rod Blagojevich is everywhere on television. Yesterday, he was interviewed by Geraldo Rivera. They billed it as ‘an interview with the most hated man in America and Rod Blagojevich.'” –Conan O’Brien

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    • or whomever it was, in 2000, 2002, and 2004.

      <

      p>And the Democrats seemed d-e-d dead.  Doesn’t take much for fortune’s wheel to change.

      • The problem with the Democrats did seem like a problem with message not with policies. So installing a DNC head who could help shape and strengthen the message seemed promising and turned out promising.

        <

        p>By contrast, the problem with the Republicans does not appear to be weakness in getting their message out.

  2. Bill in Portland Maine posted this gem in his daily Cheers ‘N’ Jeers column over at DailyKos:

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    p>

    Earlier This Morning on Cable Access Ch. 2:

    “Thank you for joining us today at Sloppy Sally’s Saloon and Rib Shack for the first GOP debate of the 2012 campaign. I’m your moderator, Joe the Plumber, and let’s get right to it. Governor Romney, you won the game of beer pong so you get the first question: President Obama’s action to close the prison at Guantanamo within a year has been praised by nations around the world and a majority of citizens here at home. I think it’s stupid! What’s your opinion on that?”

    “Well, first let me say that although I did win the game of beer pong fair and square, I did not drink the beer. Now, as for Guantanamo…”

    “Oh, look at Mister Goody Two Shoes! I didn’t drink the beer! I didn’t drink the beer!!! Give it a rest, Mother Teresa.”

    “Sarah…Sarah, please don’t interrupt me, you’ll get your turn to speak…”

    “These rules suck! I was on the ticket, I should get to go first. It’s not fair, also!”

    “My friends… My friends…”

    “Oh fer Chrissakes, you’re running again???”

    “No, my friends. I’m just lonely and I thought I’d stop by for the early bird special.”

    “Well, thanks for nothin’, pal! I’d be sittin’ in the hot tub at the vice president’s mansion right now if it hadn’t been for you, ya big loser!”

    “Folks, if we don’t stop this bickering we won’t have a chance in hell of winning. Please…”

    “Oh, Governor Jindal says we should all be civilized and ‘on-message’ also. I’ll see you in the parking lot after this is over, you turkey-necked little…”

    “If I could just add that on nine-eleven I was…”

    “SHUT UP, RUDY!”

    “Well, it’s 2am and I see we’re about to be preempted by an infomercial for ShamWOW. A reminder to all of our candidates about the separate checks—Governor Huckabee, get back in here and pay for your pork rinds! I’m Joe the Plumber. Thank you for watching and have a great day!”

    Cheers and Jeers starts in There’s Moreville… [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

    <

    p>See the whole column here:

    <

    p>http://bill-in-portland-maine….

    <

    p>And read more of Bill’s work here:

    <

    p>http://bill-in-portland-maine….

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