It goes without saying that Suffolk County is the greatest county that has the greatest people. It is frankly insulting to the greatness of Suffolk County (the greatest of all counties) that it only has two (2) more holidays than the inferior jokes that make up the other 13 counties, what I like to call the “13 dwarfs”.
Everybody knows that nothing important has ever happened in any of the dwarfs, seriously. Middlesex, you are just disgusting, I don’t know what kind of perv activity “middle sex” is and I don’t want to know- please go away (and take Essex) and keep that stuff to yourself, the good people of glorious Suffolk County do not want to think about things like that. Hampden and Hampshire, you’re two H’s short of a 4H club, if you get out of line we’re going to quadruple the western tolls and maybe build a fence around you hicks. Bristol, I don’t even know where you are or why you exist. Berkshire, you’re lucky that we let you have electricity and running water out there, much less a Congressman- so keep your blueberry pie-hole shut. Barnstable, haven’t you been washed back into the sea yet?
“People” of the 13 dwarfs need to watch themselves and stop being such haters about Suffolk’s meager two extra holidays. The time has come for Suffolk’s greatness to be duly recognized. Suffolk wants more extra holidays and what Suffolk wants, Suffolk gets!
