“Sarah and Charlie have a lot in common,” said former Cahill campaign manager/recent traitor Adam Doldrums. “Charlie’s smart guy, but he’s a bit on the dull side. Sarah’s an idiot, but she’s hot. Beauty and the Baker! How’s that for a campaign slogan?”
“I’m sure there’s not an original idea between them,” said ex-Cahill campaign flack John Weaselier. “We want people to know we’re more than the Party of No. We’re also the Party of No Ideas.”
Asked about his campaign defection, Weaselier said, “When a ship is sinking, and the rats are jumping, you have to ask yourself: is it better to be captain or a rat?”
Tisei was downcast, but upbeat.
“Sure, I’m disappointed. I’ve got years of experience on Beacon Hill. I know the players. I know how things work. I’m not afraid to reach across the aisle. I suppose when it’s a question of experience, however, the answer is less is more,” said Tisei. “If there’s a takeaway from this [recent] campaign move, it’s don’t quit your day job.”
Ballot Issues
Tisei’s name will still appear on the ballot with Baker, but Republican voters will be encouraged to write in Palin’s name. Stickers will be provided with voters blessed with enough dexterity to peel and stick them onto optical scan ballots.
“If elected, I will not serve,” said Tisei. “That’s not much different from Paul Loscocco.” Loscocco remains on the ballot as Cahill’s running mate.
“That’s not exactly true,” Loscocco responded, sitting on a bar stool at the Parker House and sharpening a thin-bladed knife, “I never really planned to do much as lieutenant governor anyway.”
Residency Issues
Asked how she could run for lieutenant governor in a state where she didn’t live, Ms. Palin replied, “As everyone knows, if you can see it, you can be it. I could see Russia from my house in Alaska, so I could handle foreign policy. Russia was a communist country as is Massachusetts. Q.E.D. If I can see Russia, I’m a Massachusetts resident.”
A reporter from the Boston Globe informed Ms. Palin that Massachusetts was actually the cradle of American democracy, not communism.
“It doesn’t matter,” Palin refudiated sighting a .406 hunting rifle. “Massachusetts is in America. I’m an American. Where’s Tim Cahill’s back?.”
Holy Croissants! Sorry I just could not resist.
I don’t think that’s quite true. I just don’t know if it should be changed to
or
The Party of Doubleplus Ungood Ideas.