Town Of Davenport, Iowa Descends Into Hell Following Gay Marriage Ceremony
Davenport moments after allowing the couple to publicly affirm their love for each other.FORMER DAVENPORT, IA-Immediately following the performance of a same-sex marriage ceremony Sunday afternoon at Holy Christ Almighty Lutheran Church on Lincoln Avenue, the city of Davenport, IA and all 99,685 of its residents were reportedly smitten into oblivion by the merciless wrath of God and flung into the deepest bowels of eternal hell.
According to state authorities, the nightmarish incident occurred approximately five seconds after a local pastor pronounced homosexual men Brian Palmer, 39, and Greg DeHaan, 43, married in the eyes of God, at which point a tremor registering 8.5 on the Richter scale ripped the earth asunder and Davenport’s inhabitants were swallowed by a widening chasm, where they found themselves eviscerated on the fiery spears of 10 million shrieking demons.
“They tried to warn us and we didn’t listen-Lord, why did we not listen?” said Rev. Kenneth Hanson, the clergyman who performed the unholy marriage, moments before being dragged into a bottomless pit, flayed alive, and devoured by Satan, the Great Deceiver. “All I wanted to do was provide basic civil rights and legal recognition to Brian and Greg, two people who love each other and have been together for 15 years. But I was wrong. Oh, so wrong!”
And another brilliant piece from minutes of an internal GOP national strategy session The Onion:
Texas Immigration Bill Includes Domestic-Worker Loophole
The Texas Legislature is considering a bill that would imprison anyone who knowingly hires an illegal alien, except in cases where the employee is a maid, landscaper, or other household worker. What do you think?
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