To die is to sail on, not an end, nor a tragedy. Death should not happen alone, in secret, or be treated as shameful for all of us will die; some soon, and some after five score years or more, like my father. If as a society and a species we put the well being of all ahead of the advancement of the few and the acquisition of wealth and power, I truly believe many, or not most diseases and famines would be preventable. There is such a thing as collective free agency in addition to individual free agency. While I wish Marc were still here in the flesh (there is nothing better than hugging the one you love – do it often) we are not separated and all is well with him. I have the comfort of knowing that I did all I could, even putting aside my livelihood between his diagnosis and his death – and bringing to light a genetic anomalie which, if fully studied, may help many. Therefore, the photo of the mishoom (wampanoag for boat) and the great, wild bird taking flight will speak for my heart for now.
Many years ago, a prophet facing his own death, and longing more than anything for safety and freedom and to be able to care for his children prayed for deliverance. Rather than deliverance, our God informed the prophet that everything, the howling mob, separation from his family, and his own coming death were in fact part of his progression, and gifts.
My challenge going forward will be to choose that Marc’s death not lead to me becoming bitter or depressed, but rather lead to an increase in my ability to love, and spiritual growth. Besides, if I choose to ask “what can I learn from this” and “how can I grow” I remain far more likely to reunite with Marc across the dark river in the Lands of Light.
And to all of you, if collectively we treat death and dying not as shameful secrets, but as an honored part of life that all will experience, there will be less fear, more love, and more light for all of us. And just maybe, a cleansing of social priorities – what I sometimes call collective free agency.
wishing you and yours comfort and peace.
You are both in my heart. You have been amazing and brave to share your story with your friends, and your husband was obviously a very extraordinary person.
I’d like to share a favorite poem by my favorite author, Jane Kenyon, who also was taken from the world far too young, from leukemia.
Let Evening Come
Let the light of late afternoon
shine through chinks in the barn, moving
up the bales as the sun moves down.
Let the cricket take up chafing
as a woman takes up her needles
and her yarn. Let evening come.
Let dew collect on the hoe abandoned
in the long grass. Let the stars appear
and the moon disclose her silver horn.
Let the fox go back to its sandy den.
Let the wind die down. Let the shed
go black inside. Let evening come.
To the bottle in the ditch, to the scoop
in the oats, to the air in the lung
let evening come.
Let it come, as it will, and don’t
be afraid. God does not leave us
comfortless, so let evening come.
to you and your family, and thank you for sharing your story. It has been touching to read & it sounds like your was a truly admirable partnership. You’re right that we would all be better off if our society grappled with the reality of death more openly.
Also, thank you Lynn for sharing that poem, it’s very appropriate. I’m generally pretty indifferent to poetry, but I’ve found it very meaningful & useful in contexts like this. “The Lake Isle of Innisfree” by William Butler Yeats came to mind as I looked at the picture of the boat and the lake.
Please know everyone you know is sending you love too.
You’ve been through a lot. I hope that you can take care of yourself as you have taken care of others.
My thoughts and prayers are with you and Marc.
Peace to all.
When I get home I will light a candle.
Going through this journey with a loved one is without question the most difficult and yet enlightening thing we do in life. It brings perspective to our role on this earth. It makes us realize that every day is a gift, and makes us grateful for every day we have shared with that person. His presence will be with you always; he is a part of you and a part of this world forever.
May fond memories bring comfort to you and your family.
This is terrible news and my heart goes out to you and your family, many facing great losses like this retreat and fade into the shadows but you kept fighting for him in a very public way showing grace and courage. Our thoughts and prayers go with you and may God bless you during this time.
Your post was beautifully written. Keep your faith and your strength. I admire your courage in all endeavors.
I’ll keep a positive thought in my heart for you and your loved ones.
A wise adviser once comforted me after the death of a loved one that “Each person we love is a beautiful golden thread being continuously woven into the tapestry of our life. When that loved one dies, their thread stops — but remains in the tapestry for all to see”.
My condolences, and prayers
in his remarks at the delegate breakfast today. We are thinking of you in Charlotte.
Butler, Marc Aaron of Arlington September 5. Beloved husband of Deborah Sirotkin Butler. Father of Samuel Aaron Butler of Arlington and Sarah Hannah Butler of Waltham. Brother of Deborah Butler Gullison of Springvale, Maine. Uncle of Whitney Gullison and Brian Nieder. Relatives and friends are invited to visiting hours in The DeVito-O’Donnell Funeral Home 1145 Mass Avenue , ARLINGTON on Saturday & Sunday 4:00 to 7:00pm and to a Funeral Service on Monday at 4:00pm in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, 15 Ledgewood Place, Belmont, MA. Visiting and Services to be held in Springvale, ME next week. Contact Black Funeral Home for further details at 1. 1-207-324-4104. In lieu of flowers donations to: Pancreatic Action Network, pancan.org would be greatly appreciated. Marc sang with Iveria since 1992, is a former President of Arlington Children’s Theater, and an elected member of the Arlington Democratic Town Committee. Marc was a very civic minded and giving person, and longtime member of The Church of Jesus Christ Latter-day Saints, wherein he served as a Temple Ordinance Worker, Elders Quorum President and Stake Financial Clerk.
DeVito Funeral Homes
(781) 643-5610
(617) 924-3445
Saville Chapel
(781) 643-1634
http://www.devitofuneralhomes.com
May Marc’s memory be a blessing. In Judaism, we are taught our mission on earth is Tikkin Olam, meaning to repair the world. Through Marc’s work and values, as well as your own, lives will continue to be touched through the generations. May he rest in peace and may you gain strength through his memory and example.
I lost my Father to the same affliction and I have always hoped for a cure someday. I ran a 5k for Pancreatic Cancer Research and plan on doing something like this every year. I would love to enter Marc’s name on my list of remembered victims of PC when I participate again, with your permission.
Deb, your very public daily chronicle of your family’s trials over the past few was nothing short of downright inspiring–as was your determination to stay as involved as possible with your political occup[y]ations. Your beautiful reflection here sums up so much, and your line about “collective free agency” is especially appropriate in this venue–and on this day, to boot.
See you and Sam–and that community, that genuine extended family, you’ve created and of which I’m proud to be a part–over the weekend.
Deborah, this must be a very painful loss for you and all Marc’s loved ones. I am sorry that I never got to meet him. He was fortunate in one way: he had you by his side throughout his illness.
My sincerest condolences.
Amberpaw,
Your strength, courage and love have inspired many. I wish your brave heart repair and comfort, but I know Marc’s bright spirit will hold you while you heal.
It is our work in this world to increase love and light. You have done both with much grace.
Love,
Your state committee sister, Linda
I will keep you in my thoughts.
Dear Deb
My thoughts are with you and your family – Jamie Sabino
This poem has brought me comfort
Death is nothing at all.
I have only slipped away to the next room.
I am I and you are you.
Whatever we were to each other,
That, we still are.
Call me by my old familiar name.
Speak to me in the easy way
which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed
at the little jokes we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me. Pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word
that it always was.
Let it be spoken without effect.
Without the trace of a shadow on it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same that it ever was.
There is absolute unbroken continuity.
Why should I be out of mind
because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you.
For an interval.
Somewhere. Very near.
Just around the corner.
All is well.
Henry Scott Holland
my thoughts are with you.
May Marc rest in peace.
Amberpaw…I will pray for your comfort and peace of mind at this saddest of times.
Viewings; Sat 4-7 1145 Mass Ave, Devito Funeral Home
Sun 4-7 Same
4 PM Monday (9/10) 15 ledgewood Place LDS chapel – funeral
2 PM Sanford ME Funeral/interment Sanford, ME Thurs 9/13
My thoughts are with you and my prayers too.
Sometimes things seem unfair, such grief to one who lives so unselfishly.
Here we are all your friends and thus you can count on us for whatever we may offer, to fill whatever may be your needs.
Thank you for your post.
My sincerest condolences for your loss. And thank you for your thoughtful meditation.