Caution: Strong Language ahead. I attempted a bowlderized version but it just didn’t get across what I was trying to describe. I also tried a version with asterisks that just turned into gibberish…
There are three, and only three, reasons for any voter to vote for any Republican this year:
Reason number one: J. Random Republican says “Fuck You”.
Reason number two: J. Random Republican is immune to reason, so Fuck You all over again…
Reason number three: J. Random Republican likes rape.
There are no other reasons. The Republican Party is wholly and comprehensively animated by a vicious and rude animosity and a callow, bottomless, sexism. That’s the whole of it in a nutshell.
Oh, they’ll say they have reasons but that whole “immunity to reason” reason gets in betwixt them and reality.
Let us take the “J Random Republican likee the smaller government” rationale for example:
First, a few data points;
When has government ever gotten smaller under Republican presidents and/or a Republican congress?
It’s alright, you can say it, we know the answer, the answer is not anytime in the last 70 odd years. The even years, too… So the Republican politicians who say that they can/will shrink government are either lying or incompetent.
But the converse is also true: government has shrunk under Democratic presidents. Under Obama, for example, public sector hiring has fairly well been frozen if not actually diminishing. In addition Obama pointedly refused to increase the role of government in health care insurance in deference to free market forces (i.e. no single payer or public option) Clinton was the one who famously said “The era of big government is over”… and he grew the economy to the point that public sector could hire without increasing the proportions. It simply hasn’t happened under Republicans to any great degree and it has demonstrably happened under Democrats repeatedly.
So somebody who says they favor smaller government ought, with a view of past history and the unchanging nature of the present candidates rhetoric, to be inclined to vote Democratic. So why not vote for Democrats? ‘Cause fuck you. That’s why. No other reason besides that
And that’s about it. Every conversation I have with a Republican, conservative or even an ‘independent’ leaner whittles down to some version of ‘Fuck you’.
How can you vote for Republicans when they never deliver on their promises? Fuck you.
How can you support a candidate who dismisses wholesale 47% of the entire nation? Fuck you, that’s how.
George W. Bush is draft dodging chickenhawk? Fuck you… and John Kerry is a coward so here’s a fuck you purple heart bandaid for your troubles…
Why do you put up with troglodytes like Mourdock and Akin? Fuck you, that’s why.
Isn’t the prospect of runaway climate change scary? Fuck you.
How does Scott Brown get away with posturing himself as a nice guy bipartisan all the while employing nasty racist and sexist messaging? Fuck you, that’s how.
If you think about it, the Republicans of 2012 have gotten every last thing the Republicans of 1996 said they wanted but, if anything, they’re only angrier about it. So it’s pretty amazing, especially since Barack Obama is just a third-person perspective and a factory-equipped tan away from being Bob Dole. No other answer is, in any manner, consistent.
And here’s what I have to say to J. Random Republican in return:
You go ahead and elect Mitt Romney. He’s no different than George W Bush and in 4, 6 or 8 years, or whatever, you’ll deny you ever voted for him. You’ll not mention him and you’ll pray that I don’t mention him either. You’ll be left wondering how you ever ginned up the enthusiasm for him just like you’re wondering now about the enthusiasm you once had for George W. Bush. Your enthusiasm will die come November 7 and fester into that little sore spot of shame you carry with you and which makes you wince every time somebody brings up George W. Bush.
Go ahead and put Scott Brown back in the Senate: what’s going to be different over the next six years, if he wins, than the last two? He’s a vapid non-entity who’ll surf the back-bench on his way to a pension and some lucrative speaking gigs in retirement. I guarantee you that, come 6 years from now, the name of Scott Brown will give you pause while you say to yourself ‘where do I know that name…? ”
Is the adrenal charge that comes with saying ‘fuck you’ worth it? Are you going to get anything out of it besides that little thrill and a secret shame when you realize your vote went to people whose only hobby is to piss on you…?
Then, come next election time, you’ll venture again into the unlit portions of your id and summon forth that unlovely and unknowing animal enthusiasm for Chris Christie or Marco Rubio or whomever… Who’ll then cram the same specious arguments and the same spurious attacks down your throat and you’ll holler and wave and break out the old standby’s of days gone by… purple heart bandaids… tax cuts for the wealthy… commies… terrsts… and the cycle or rage-orgasm-shame will repeat. EVery last aspect of it will be exactly the same as those memories that cause you pain now but you’ll wade in with that genuine ‘fuck you’ attitude you’ve brought to every other election. Is it worth it?
All the while the back of your mind will be waiting for me to exact my revenge: you’ll be waiting for me to come roaring back with a great big Joe Pesci “Fuck me? Fuck YOU!”… It’s what you would do, you say to yourself, if you were in my position.
But I already have my revenge. You’ve been given everything you’ve asked for and you’re still miserable. You can’t win. If you’re wrong about climate change (and you are) failure to do anything about it will doom us all. If Mitt Romney is really an arrogant user (and he is) he’ll discard you too, once he’s used you up. If the GOP is really waging a war on women (and it is) you’re wife/sister/mother/friend is going to have to suffer the rape of trans-vaginal ultrasounds or possibly die in a back alley abortion gone bad. That’s my revenge: the knowledge that you can’t win. Ever. Your loss is complete and comprehensive. You get what you ask for and it’s going to fuck you as much as it fucks me. So I don’t have to tell you to fuck yourself, you’ve already done that.
I mean, just damn.
.
… that it can be dismissed as only a sad hateful rant onlyif it bears no resemblance to the truth.
with three other people on Saturday morning when a guy came up to us intent on making us realize how stupid we were. He was trying to tell us something about corporations building stuff and Warren saying they didn’t, but he was so incoherent we couldn’t understand what he was even trying to argue. Finally, he called us all stupid and said we needed to get our facts straight by watching Fox News. My friend tried to understand what he was trying to say, but the guy launched into swearing and insulting us.
Now, there may Democratic supporters who are out there looking to pick fights with Scott Brown sign holders, but to me, it’s the height of (arrog/ignor)ance to try to start something when you’re outnumbered and so uniformed that you don’t know what you’re trying to say. That guy, launched the first fuck you. I kept is clean and told him I love MSNBC and would date Rachel Maddow. That shut him up.