WASHINGTON — With nearly unanimous votes in both houses, Congress has approved President Obama’s plan to issue a firearm to every American citizen.
The President plans to sign the bill this morning, surrounded by lawmakers.
“We all know the best way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun,” President Obama said. “But deciding who’s a good guy and who’s a bad guy presents some Constitutional issues, and besides, I represent every American.”
“This is the kind of up by your bootstrap economic development program we’ve been looking for from this president,” said Speaker Paul Ryan. “Up by your holster strap.”
Some lawmakers have said they may consider age restrictions, but leading educators cautioned against that. “We’ve had kids practicing lockdowns for years,” one official said. “And this, while we’ve pursued zero tolerance policies for even toy guns. I became an educator to teach full tolerance.”
Reached just after the latest Republican debate, Senator Ted Cruz, R-Texas, was ebullient. “I was wary when the President said he planned to issue guns to welfare recipients,” Cruz said. “But then he proposed allowing use of food stamps to buy ammo. Well, blammo.”
Senator Chuck Schumer, D-New York, shepherded the bill through the Senate. Schumer had tried a number of measures in the past, but they couldn’t get majority support, and some were not even voted on. “As it happened, I heard about the president’s plan just as the Capitol Hill security detail was starting its day. I saw them preparing to make sure no one got anywhere near me with any sort of dangerous weapon, and I thought, I just can’t live with this double standard any longer. Let the guns shine in.”
Of course, not everyone is happy. An official statement from the terror group known as ISIS criticized the bill. “We are really disappointed,” the statement said.
Asked about the statement, John O. Brennan, director of the Central Intelligence Agency, said, “Pardon my French, but I believe ISIS has just said the equivalent of ‘Oh shit.’ This could be a real turning point.”
Ted Cruz supporting President Obama.
Which requires mandatory gun ownership for able bodied males between 20 and 30, including mandatory firearms training. While the right likes to point at Switzerland as an example of a society with more guns having low crime rates, even for the region, their suicide rate is significantly higher per capita than demographically similar countries without the strict gun ownership.
It also is a unique way of socializing gun ownership, since the mandate restricts the kind of private guns an individual can have, and even requires automatic guns and ammo types to be downgraded to less lethal forms when the user turns 30. Such a proposal could be widely derided as the Obamacare of guns if implemented in the US.
a very low home invasion rate.
Switzerland does a good job making itself not worth invading. Between the style of its “military”, the national redoubt system, and wiring every car and train tunnel with explosives, they were not worth the effort of a Nazi Germany that saw nearly a million casualties over a single city on the Volga.
…maybe the President SHOULD propose this as a way to guarantee that the GOP will run the other direction:)