Weekly Joke Revue

Of course, we have to start this week with Red Mass Group’s cry for help. Will anyone listen?

Borowitz:

Fox News Wins Pulitzer for Fiction: Prize Committee Praises Imagination, Inventiveness

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) – In an unprecedented honor for the Rupert Murdoch-led network, the Fox News Channel today won the Pulitzer Prize for fiction.

In its official statement, the prize committee praised Fox for exhibiting “an imagination and inventiveness that rival the best of Charles Dickens and J.R.R. Tolkien.”

In hailing Fox, the committee singled out the network’s fourteen-part story about President Obama’s birth in a mud-hut in Kenya.

For Mr. Murdoch, the stunning Pulitzer Prize win was a rare bright spot in what he acknowledged had been “a difficult year.”

“When I first heard about the Pulitzer committee’s decision, I didn’t believe it,” he said. “I had to listen to their voicemails to hear it for myself.”

Daniel Kurtzman:

“During a campaign event, Newt Gingrich was bitten by a penguin. It was feeding time and Newt and the penguin were fighting over pieces of squid.” –Conan O’Brien

“The Democrats accuse the Republicans of launching a war on women. Then the Republicans accuse the Democrats of the same thing. At this point, who can remember who enacted reproductive health restrictions in 36 states including mandatory transvaginal ultrasounds?” –Stephen Colbert

“New Jersey Mayor Corey Booker last night personally rescued a woman from a burning building. Or as Fox News reported it, ‘black man loots house, steals white woman.’” –Bill Maher

“The pundits say Santorum pulled out at just the right time, which is also his birth control policy.” –Bill Maher

“Gingrich spoke to seniors, right before the Bingo game — which was awkward, because one of the Bingo players turned out to be Ron Paul.” –Jimmy Fallon



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Mon 22 Dec 3:33 PM