Small Town Guy’s helpful suggestions for
Ten new uses for your Healey/Hillman campaign sign
One of the classy things about the Healey/Hillman campaign (o.k. about the only classy thing) was their sign. Red White & Blue, crisp, clear. “Healey for governor” on the top, “Hillman for Lt. Governor” on the bottom. Eye-catching. If you are one of those who put the sign on your front lawn or held it at an intersection, you may not want to part with it so soon. Here are some suggestions:
1. Cut sign in two horizontally. Save bottom “Hillman” partjust a chance he might run for something again. Discard top part. Nuff said.
2. Bend into a “U” shape and place on shoulders covering back and sides of head. Useful as blinders when venturing into deserted parking garages.
3. Cut “Healey/Hillman” names into individual letters. Use to spell fascinating anagrams like “A Ill Hale Hymn,” or “Anal Hem Hilly.”
4. Use as sled on a snowy hill; replicating downward slope of Healey campaign.
5. Carefully fold Healey/Hillman sign into an origami pigeon. Do not expect it to fly.
6. Leave sign on front lawn to drive the neighbors nuts.
7. Park sign in the back of your garage with other treasured gubernatorial campaign signs (e.g. John Sears, Guy Carbone, and my sentimental favorite, John Lakian).
8. Collect as many Healey/Hillman signs as you can. Strap to the top of your car. Drive repeatedly through the Big Dig tunnels.
9. Cut sign in half horizontally. Put bottom half (“Hillman”) on top. Put other half (“Healey”) on bottom. Wistfully contemplate if this would have been a better ticket.
10. Put the sign up on your mantle. It will be a great conversation piece. Provided that you still want to have that conversation.
The Small Town Guy
If you can get about fifty of them, you can alter them slightly to show the nationwide results of individual house, senate and gov races. Here’s a template — just fill in the names.
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