No, I haven't read “The Enlightened Bracketologist”, but inspired by Nicholas's suggestion that we chuck the cattle call debate format, why don't we divide the Democratic presidential field up into brackets? Why the “Cluster#$%@ to the White House”, as the Daily Show puts it … let's make it much neater and more rational. After all, we don't have eight basketball teams all on the same court at the same time. Why should we allow a free-for-all masquerading as a debate, ineptly moderated by some talking head?
Try this — top seeds are listed first:
Bill Clinton Division
Hillary Clinton (1)
Mike Gravel (8)
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RFK division:
John Edwards (3)
Dennis Kucinich (6)
Adlai Stevenson division
Barack Obama (2)
Joe Biden (7)
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George Marshall Division
Bill Richardson (4)
Chris Dodd (5)
Bill Clinton Tipoff Classic: Hillary walks.
RFK Roundball Riot: Edwards floats.
2nd Round: Hillary vs. Edwards.
Adlai's “The Politics You Deserve” Tourney: Obama sneaks past Biden.
Marshall's Soft Power Smackdown: Doddmania overwhelms Richardson!
2nd Round: Obama vs. Dodd
… And so on. That would actually be really fun.
Predictions for the 2nd round?
as a basketball junkie, I can’t help but point out that nobody gets home court anymore. HClinton shouldn’t be put in the Bill Clinton bracket.
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Short of that, we need locations for the second round.
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I think Clinton and Edwards split the difference in their home locales and face off at the Grand Ol Opry.
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But where does Dodd v. Obama take place?
How about Pittsburgh?
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WF
Seed 1 doesn’t hit Seed 3 in the second round. Seed 2 and 3 face off in the bottom bracket. 1 should be slotted against 4 in round 2 so they can eat the winner of 2-3 for dinner.
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Edwards and Barak should face off in the bottom bracket and the winner gets his shot against Hillary in the finals.
Where’s the BMG Republican groupies, when the opportunity to take a cheap shot gets handed to them? Here, I’ll do it (re-seeded, hockey style):
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Mao Conference
Hillary V Dodd
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—>In a stunner, the former first lady is upset when she wanders into Dodd’s eyebrows, never to be heard from again.
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Lenin Conference
Obama v Edwards
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—>Obama advances in a forfeit, after Edwards couldn’t stop himself from chasing an ambulance that crossed his path on the way to the arena.
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This leaves Obama to face off against Dodd in the finals, located in Paris, France, moderated by the ACLU.
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Are there any major slurs or talking poiints I’ve left out? I was thinking maybe the UN Headquarters for the finals, but went continental instead.
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And if you couldn’t tell: đŸ™‚
you forgot to mention that Osama Bin Laden was restrained (2 minute penalty) after attempting to vote for all four Democrats simultaneously. Hillary went to the penalty box and had her picture taken with him in solidarity.
Greenpeace protested something.
PETA.
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…except for the occasional wisps of smoke coming outta his eyebrows when her over-developed sense of entitlement meets his distaste of pants-suits…
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Well, you did leave out the part where Obama pulls off the mask to reveal… Janet Reno! (Think about it… when was the last time you saw them together…? Hhmn…) Even more stunning is when Michelle Obama pulls off her mask to reveal…BILL CLINTON! It is then revealed that the purpose of this particular get-together isn’t to debate at all, but for Dodd, Richardson and Edwards to get married (yes to each other…), Elizabeth Edwards officiating… The honeymoon to take place in Mexico helping to smuggle illegal immigrants into Texas.
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Through it all Joe Biden does not stop talking and nobody notices that Kucinich has removed his mask to reveal that he’s actually Ross Perot and that he’s been taking Prozac for the past ten years and that accounts for the policy differences…
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That’s what you left out…