“Teabonics:” the new English dialect of the Tea Party:
“President and Mrs. Obama hosted the annual White House Easter Egg Roll today. Dozens of children gathered on the White House lawn to roll eggs toward a finish line while the president cheered them on and Republicans tried to block them.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Sarah Palin’s daughter is speaking out. In an interview, Bristol Palin says she realizes she was totally unprepared to be a mother. Hey, it’s better than being a mother that’s totally unprepared to be vice president.” -Jay Leno
“You know what happened in Las Vegas today? Sarah Palin, former governor of Alaska, was speaking at the alcohol convention in Las Vegas, Nev. Because, I mean, let’s face it, nothing says family values like gambling and liquor.” -David Letterman
“The iPad has only been out for a few days and it has revolutionized the publishing industry. You can download books, you can read them and store them, and for religious fundamentalists, there’s a new app that lets you burn them.” -Jimmy Kimmel
“Because it’s Easter, Catholic priests have been hearing confession all week — mostly from other Catholic priests.” -Jay Leno
“As you know, the Roman Catholic Church continues to be rocked by this sex abuse crisis. In fact, they’re thinking of changing their name to the Roman Polanski Catholic Church.” -Jay Leno
“You know, 30,000 people showed up for the annual Easter Egg Roll at the White House today. Or as Fox News calls it, a ‘socialist free food giveaway.'” -Jay Leno
“The GOP spent two thousand dollars in a lesbian strip club. It’s very embarrassing.How can these guys watch lesbians and be against gay marriage? ‘You girls can have sex as long as you aren’t married.'” -Craig Ferguson
“Republican donors aren’t happy about this. It’s not fair that rich Republicans spend huge amounts of money at sex clubs and poor Republicans have to go to airport bathrooms.” -Craig Ferguson
“Last week, Sarah Palin gave a speech in Nevada, where she criticized President Barack Obama for being a constitutional law professor. The problem with that statement is Sarah Palin thinks that’s an insult. Only in America, you want to insult someone, call them a teacher.” -Jay Leno
“John McCain told Newsweek that he doesn’t really consider himself a ‘maverick.’ What kind of man would call himself a maverick for years and then suddenly say he doesn’t think of himself as a maverick? I’ll tell you what kind — a maverick.” -Jimmy Kimmel
Salon: “KFC’s freakish all-meat sandwich, explained:”
At first glance, KFC’s newest sandwich offering, the Double Down, sounds like a gag prop from a Mel Brooks movie: It is a sandwich made almost entirely of meat — two pieces of bacon and cheese sandwiched between two cuts of chicken. The company’s Web site (which includes an ominous countdown to the Double Down’s Monday launch) helpfully explains that the sandwich “is so meaty, there’s no room for a bun!” Or as the manly men in the KFC commercial put it, “So long, bun!”
lasthorseman says
I don’t know but I bin told
New World Order is real cold
911 and Northwoods too
Make a fine deceptive brew
<
p>Eisenhauer Bill and John
Warned us all but now their gone
<
p>Fiat money Madoffed me
Ponzi scam for all to see
<
p>401s for you and me
Built the Chinese Factory
Drywall dogfood kid toys too
Come back as a toxic brew
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p>Bilderbergers came to town
Mortgaged it then burnt it down
Bill and Turner Holdren too
Think there are too many of you
<
p>Spanish flu and birdies too
Make a fine and deadly brew
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p>Birther, bagger tin foil hatter
What you say don’t really matter
NSA knows all you say
Is the SWAT team on their way
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p>Thank you Satan
Yes we can
Stuff em all into the van
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p>Myth for me a myth for you
Taliban and Qeada too
<
p>Bases tunnels great big towns
Way down deep beneath the ground
<
p>Spray all day and spray all night
Nothing there for you to sight
<
p>GMO and pharma too
Frankenfood for me and you
<
p>I don’t need no stinking raise
Cause I can see the end of days
If we should we make it through
Flying cars for me and you
patrick says
What we have learned over this year is that hope is making a comeback. It is making a comeback. And let me tell you something — for the first time in my adult lifetime, I am really proud of my country. And not just because KFC has done well, but because I think people are hungry for change. And I have been desperate to see our country moving in that direction and just not feeling so alone in my frustration and disappointment. I’ve seen people who are hungry to be unified around some basic common issues, and it’s made me proud.