“The BP president said yesterday that the company would survive. That’s like someone running over your dog and saying, ‘Don’t worry, my car is fine.'” -Jimmy Fallon
“BP wants Twitter to shut down a fake BP account that is mocking the oil company. In response, Twitter wants BP to shut down the oil leak that’s ruining the ocean.” -Jimmy Fallon
“And because of the ocean currents, experts say oil from the Gulf could easily spread up the East Coast all the way to the Carolinas. In fact, today, people in North Carolina said they hadn’t seen anything this slick and slimy since the John Edwards campaign.” -Jay Leno
“It’s pretty hard for fans of ‘Lost’ now that it’s finally over. If people want to get their fix, they’ll have to follow that other group that’s lost and confused in the middle of the ocean. You know, BP.” -Jimmy Fallon
“John McCain of Arizona is facing a tough re-election campaign. The key issue is illegal immigration. I don’t want to say McCain is old, but in his first election, the illegal immigrants were white people.” -Jay Leno
“In Idaho, Republican Congressional candidate Vaughn Ward is in trouble after he was caught plagiarizing a famous speech by Barack Obama. When they asked this guy if he thought he could get away with this, you know what he said? ‘Yes, we can! Yes, we can! Yes, we can!'” -Jay Leno
“Sarah Palin has now weighed in on the gulf oil spill. Finally, the voice of reason. She said that President Obama should grasp the complexity of the situation. Sarah Palin giving advice on complexity. What, was Snooki from ‘Jersey Shore’ unavailable?” -Jay Leno
“Earlier today, British Petroleum began this operation known as ‘top kill,’ which comes on the heels of their previous operations, ‘fish kill’ and ‘bird kill.'” -Jay Leno
“One of the big gambling Web sites published odds on what species would be the first to become extinct from the oil spill. Unbelievable. You know the odds-on favorite? Democrat.” -Jay Leno
Weekly Joke Revue
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huh says
First EB3’s vociferous defense of Jack O’Brien:
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p>I think you’d be hard pressed to find a better example of why the hack culture is so hard to eradicate in MA. Also a more unintentionally funny one.
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p>On similar lines, you have RedMassGroup’s Rob Eno appearing on Broadside. Braude starts by mocking Eno for not wearing a tie… it gets better.
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bob-neer says
I need all the help I can get. Producing a weekly joke revue focused on US and Massachusetts politics I often feel like the boatperson in that elementary school wall poster: “Lord, the sea is so big, and my boat is so small.”