Dear Friends, writes the robot,
Since I announced my candidacy for Governor of Massachusetts, I have had the opportunity to speak with many of you about your vision for the Commonwealth. Each conversation has reminded me once again that our greatest asset is our people.[Apparently, the robot did not get out prior to this announcement and once it met actual people, it found them quite impressive.] Whether in Brockton or North Adams, Lawrence or Newton, we all share a common commitment to doing everything we can to make our communities and our Commonwealth stronger. [The robot apparently can detect common commitments that escape the eyes of other observers. We were surprised to learn that there are people in Brockton, North Adams, Newton, and Lawrence who wake up daily exclaiming “What will I do today to make our communities and Commonwealth stronger?”]
I am running for Governor because I believe that Massachusetts is on the verge of taking off. [The subtle robot has detected something that has escaped us.] We have an opportunity to grab this moment and move forward stronger, together. That is why as your Governor, I will be committed to rebuilding our economy [The eager robot does not merely want to improve, expand, or extend our economy but wants to rebuild it. Is this a good idea?] in a way that gives everyone the opportunity to succeed and to ensuring that every child and every adult has the skills they [Even robots lack perfect grammar.] need to compete in a global economy. [The robot was programmed to believe the conventional wisdom that all we need are skills and the jobs will come.]
If you believe in this vision for our future — one of joint prosperity and more educational opportunities for all of our children — then I hope you will consider becoming part of our campaign. [Apparently the robot thinks that a desire for joint prosperity and expanded educational opportunities is something novel and unique. Another sign that the robot does not get out much?] I have worked my entire career to fight for opportunity, fairness and equality for all of our people. Now I am ready to take these values to the Governor’s office.
With your help, I know that anything is possible.
At the Usch household, we are used to getting meaningless campaign literature, but this one’s meaninglessness is a slice indeed from the Higher Pablum.
Baker? Coakley?
.
I wonder if she just had an intern do a find replace on ‘Senator’ and replace it with ‘Governor’ from a template on her last campaign?
There seem to be four messages in the imitation prose her campaign produced:
1. Coakley will listen.
2. Education is very important and Coakley’s all for it because it will expand opportunities.
3. Coakley is optimistic.
4. It’s Coakley’s turn. (“Now I am ready to take these values to the Governor’s office.”)
One imagines a committee setting out to write something that hit those four points without caring much about whether what they wrote was even coherent.
I read this aloud to someone else and I was surprised that the same things that struck me as, well, stupid caused a reaction in my listener too.
I think this is what happens when a candidate with no vision relies on a committee (I think your speculation is right on the money) to guide the “message”. A message is meaningless if the candidate has nothing to say.
Every candidate I can remember promises to listen during the campaign. Every candidate is optimistic. Every candidate will improve the economy. Every candidate will improve education.
I see nothing in this letter to distinguish it from a counterpart sent from Steve Grossman or, for that matter, Charlie Baker.