OBAMA DEFENDS CONTROVERSIAL POLICY OF NOT INVADING COUNTRIES FOR NO REASON
WEST POINT (The Borowitz Report)—President Obama raised eyebrows with his West Point commencement address Wednesday by offering a defense of his controversial foreign-policy doctrine of not invading countries for no reason.
Conservative critics were taken aback by Obama’s speech, which was riddled with incendiary remarks about only using military force for a clearly identified and rational purpose.
Obama did not shy away from employing polarizing rhetoric, often using words such as “responsible” and “sensible” to underscore his message.
Harland Dorrinson, a fellow at the conservative think tank the Center for Global Intervention, said that he was “stunned” to see Obama “defend his failure to engage the United States in impulsive and random military adventures.”
“History tells us that the best way to earn respect around the world is by using your military in a totally unpredictable and reckless manner,” he said. “Today, President Obama showed once again that he doesn’t get it.”
“Pope Francis will bring a rabbi and a Muslim leader with him when he travels to the Holy Land this week. Or as bartenders put it, ‘We’ve been expecting you.'” –Jimmy Fallon
“I don’t want to complicate your hatred of facial hair there, friend, but my guess is if you gave Bob Bergdahl a bandana and a duck, you’d like him just-f**king-fine.” -Jon Stewart, reacting to “Fox and Friends” cohost Brian Kilmeade’s criticism of the father of freed American POW Bowe Bergdahl
“Pope Francis said that married people should have more kids. When asked for comment, married people said the Pope should have a kid and then get back to us.” –Conan O’Brien
“President Obama is in Poland. He’s not doing anything official. He just wants to go before Putin invades. Poland shares a border with Ukraine, which shares a border with Russia. It’s kind of like living two doors down from Alec Baldwin. Eventually you’re getting attacked, right?” –Craig Ferguson
“President Obama said Hillary Clinton would be very effective if she ran for president. And Joe Biden said, ‘Thank you very – wait, what?'” –Jimmy Fallon
“In a new interview, President Obama revealed that his daughter Malia recently went to her first prom. She wore a corsage on her wrist while her date wore a red laser dot on his head.” –Jimmy Fallon
“This Rob Ford is something else. His car gets pulled over for DUI even when he’s not in it. It’s over. The machines have won. I mean, for God’s sake, Rob Ford’s Cadillac Escalade is drunk.” –Jimmy Kimmel
“Yesterday Chris Christie said he thinks it would be fun to run against Jeb Bush for the Republican presidential nomination. While Jeb Bush said it would be fun just to watch Chris Christie run.” –Jimmy Fallon
jconway says
Unusually on point late night humor-though in all honesty Jimmy Kimmel should be paying Rob Ford royalties at this point. He has milked that dry.
Unsurprisingly the Daily Show and Colbert Report are more informative than the “news” and now science proves it!
danfromwaltham says
Funny stuff from Bill Maher giving it to Republicans on the Bowe Bergdahl controversy.
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=OKfDNUnv12g
JimC says
@HighMaureenDowd
Bob Neer says
N/T