The U.S. Supreme Court, expected to rule narrowly on whether the 2nd Amendment precludes states and municipalities from enacting gun control laws, instead — by the usual 5-4 majority — swept away more than a century of precedent and established unfettered rights not just for gun owners, but for guns themselves.
Journalists, analysts, and advocacy groups that saw the emergence of the term “gun rights” as an evolution of language referring to individuals’ 2nd-amendment privileges, were stunned when the Court ruled in Billy Joe Bob Wayne Hawthorne’s Gun v. Missouri that guns, like corporations, have all the constitutional rights of individuals, including the right to vote, pay outrageous sums for prescription drugs, and anonymously contribute large sums of money to political campaigns.
Chief Justice Roberts, speaking for the majority, said, “It’s up to this court to try to undo the damage done by decades of activist liberal Supreme Courts, and let the constitution provide the protections its framers intended. We’re especially grateful for the expert testimony of the NRA; the path to this decision was clear once we reached an understanding that guns don’t kill people, people with guns don’t kill people, and in fact, nobody’s ever killed anyone; nobody’s even ever died. Ever. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go hug a Smith & Wesson shareholder.”